Million Reasons
by MissLiss15
Summary: Bella didn't expect to fall in love the summer before she left for college and she definitely didn't expect it to be with a married man. She had a million reasons to walk away from Edward, but one thing compelled her to stay.
1. Prologue

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta!

-Prologue-

I pulled into his gravel driveway, and I knew he was completely unaware of my presence; the sound of his table saw was blocking out the noise of everything around him. I also knew _she_ wasn't home. If he was actually in the garage doing what he loved, there was no way she was there.

Sometimes I didn't know why I bothered with him at all, and then there were times where I couldn't get enough of him. There were times when he was so sweet, caring, and loving that I wanted to spend every second I could with him. Then there were times where I felt like a used rag. Someone that he could just use and toss away.

I walked up the driveway into the garage, making sure to step in front of the saw so that he would notice me there. I didn't want him to cut off any of his fingers because I decided to 'surprise him'.

He looked up from what he was doing and flipped the switch on the saw. " _Bella_ , what the _hell_ are you doing here? She could have been home, for fuck's sake!" he spat at me. His shouting was all the louder due to the sudden silence from the saw.

"I drove by, her car was gone and I saw you in the garage, so I knew she wouldn't be back for a while." I shrugged.

He wiped the sweat from his face with his hand; it was at least 90 degrees in the little garage and the humidity was a killer. "Why are you here? I don't remember telling you it was okay to just stop by, _ever_."

I sighed because he was probably right in the fact that I had no business being here like this, but there was something I just had to know. I wasn't sure why I had never asked before now. Maybe it was my own fear of what his response would be that stopped me.

I took a step closer to him. "I'm sorry, I know you never told me I could just stop by, but I've had this question running through my mind…"

"Well, just spit it out then," he all but barked at me.

I huffed. God, he was such an ass sometimes. "What if we tried to have a normal relationship, what if you told her you wanted to seperate? We could try actually dating and—"

"Oh Bella, but what if I don't _want_ normal?" he said, smirking at me.


	2. Chapter 1

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta!

oOo

I met him at the beach one Saturday when I was 18 and he was 30.

I should have known better, but I was young, and I was in love with the idea of love. It also didn't hurt that he was gorgeous. He stood about 6'1", he was lean and muscular, but not overly so. His eyes, they were a deep green, and nearly intoxicated me every time I looked into them. His hair was a deep copper color with a bit of dark brown mixed in that you could only see when the sun hit it just right. His beard was scruffy, but tame, and sometimes I would imagine running my fingers through it, or what it would feel like against my skin.

He never hid from me the fact that he was married. He'd even openly admitted to loving his wife, but he was sick of the routine, the same thing day in and day out. There were times he felt like he just wanted _more_. He'd married her young, and sometimes he wondered if he had been _too_ young.

After that first day together, we started meeting every Saturday. He'd sneak away for a few hours and we would spend the afternoon together, sometimes talking, sometimes just watching the waves. I was comfortable to him. Reliable, yet a change to his daily routine. For me, he was my first real love.

He had one real passion in life. He loved woodworking and building things with his hands, but his wife couldn't stand the smell or the dust that he tracked in after himself. He didn't want to bother arguing with her, so he ended up putting it aside for the days that she was going to be home late, which were only a few times a month. I hated that she stopped him from doing what he loved. I would have never discouraged him like that, but it was really none of my business; at least, it hadn't been at the time.

One Saturday he drove up, and I could immediately tell it hadn't been a good morning at home. He was frustrated, and I wasn't exactly sure what to do. Sometimes his problems, this problem in particular, were in areas that I had no experience in yet.

She wanted a baby and he wasn't ready. He had already committed 10 years of his life to her, and he loved her, but he just couldn't do it yet. There were still things that he wanted to accomplish first, and things he wanted to experience still. He hated telling her no, but it just wasn't something he wanted right then. When the time came, he wanted to be a good dad, and at this point he just didn't have it in him.

The fact that he said he didn't want kids _yet_ had broken my heart. It meant he was entertaining the idea that one day he _would_ have children with _her_.

What had really broken him that day, though, was when he admitted to her that he had hopes of one day starting a business, taking his talent for building furniture and other items and making a living off of it. I thought it was a great idea, and I told him so. She told him it was a terrible idea, that they couldn't risk everything they had just so he could live out some silly fantasy. It seemed to me that she had been trying to burn him, the way that she felt she had been burned when he said he didn't want a baby, _yet_. I wanted to rip her hair out, but I kept that to myself.

"You really think it's a good idea?" he asked with a sigh.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I mean, from the pictures that you've shown me, you're really talented. I'd be proud to own anything you built."

I never expected what happened after those words left my mouth. He grasped my face between his hands, crushing his mouth against mine. If I had said I'd never imagined kissing him, I would have been lying. The feeling of his lips pressed against mine, his breath hot and mixing with my own, that was better than anything I could have ever dreamed up.

I kissed him back hungrily, and his hands slipped from my face and landed on my waist, gripping me there tightly, as if he was trying to hold himself to the earth.

Suddenly he pulled back as if someone had just dumped a bucket of cold water on him and as quickly as the kiss had started, it stopped. "Oh fuck, Bella, I didn't, I mean—" he stammered over his words.

I didn't know what came over me, but I found myself climbing onto his lap and straddling him as I pressed my lips against his. It took a moment, but soon he was kissing me again, his hands were back on my waist, his fingers digging into my flesh almost to the point of pain. His tongue slowly slid along my bottom lip, asking for entrance, and I moaned softly, giving him access. He slipped his tongue into my mouth, sliding and curling it against mine. From where I was seated on his lap I could feel him hard and pressing against me, so I did what only felt natural and ground myself against him, trying desperately to ease the ache and desire between my thighs. Slowly I pushed him back, laying on top of him, all while never letting up on our kisses.

He rolled us over and hovered above me, placing small kisses along my jaw. "We have to stop, Bella, we can't—"

I didn't want to stop. My silly teenage mind had convinced me that he'd leave his wife for me after a kiss like that. I'd imagined that he'd give up everything he had, and we'd run off together. He'd start his business, and I'd do... I wasn't sure what I wanted to do yet, but I was certain we could figure it out together.

"Why can't we?" I whispered. "She doesn't support you, she doesn't—"

"Because she's my fucking _wife_ , Bella," he said harshly, and I tried my best to not let it affect me.

I nodded, and then a thought came into my head. I knew it was wrong but I was in love with him. I couldn't lose him, not now."What if... what if she never found out, though?" I stuttered.

His eyes met mine, and for a second I swear I saw a flash of desire, but it was gone almost as soon as it appeared, and was replaced with anger. "You're asking me to what, cheat on my wife? Bella… no. I don't want you, not like that," was all he said as he rolled off of me. Before I could even reply he was up and walking to his truck.

I wasn't sure that I would ever see him again after that.

oOo

Over the next month, I still went to that beach every Saturday in hopes that I'd see his truck pull into the parking lot and he'd step out, a smile on his face. Honestly, at that point I'd even take a glare.

I would have given anything to hear his voice, to listen to his dreams, his wants, his desires. I'd even listen to him talk about his wife. I'd take anything he'd give me if it meant that I could have him here with me again.

It was the first Saturday in June, and I was making my way over to where we would have normally sat together, when I noticed something sticking up out of the sand. I dropped down next to it, quickly lifting it out.

As I stared at the small wooden heart, I thought my _actual_ heart was going to beat out of my chest. It had to be from him, it just had to be.

I turned it over in my hands, and noticed on the back something was burned into it. All it said was "Garage 4pm." He wanted me to meet him in his garage. That would mean that _she_ wasn't home.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and gasped at the time, it was already 3:30. I knew this was his way of letting me know that he _did_ want me, but also trying his best not to commit to anything. He left all of this up to chance.

The chance that I would even come to beach, the chance that I'd find the heart in this exact spot, or that I'd even find it in time. He was unsure, but deep down he wanted this, wanted _me_.

I jumped up from my spot and hurried to my car. I had an idea of where he lived; he had mentioned his street name before. I just needed to find the house with the big black truck in front of it.

I pulled into his gravel driveway, jumping out of my car quickly. The loud whirring sound of a saw was coming from inside the garage and I knew I had found the right place. I rushed toward the sound, toward him.

"Edward!" I exclaimed loudly.

His hand slipped and whatever he was working on went flying, and he quickly switched off the saw. "Jesus Christ!" he yelled, turning to face me. "Always stand in front of the saw, Bella! How the fuck would I know you were behind me, I could have cut my fingers off!"

"I... I didn't know, I'm sorry. I just—" He cut me off by gripping my arms and pulling me toward him.

"I'm sorry, you just scared the shit out of me. I've missed you, so fucking much," he said quietly.

That was all I needed to hear. I crashed my mouth against his, sliding my fingers into the back of his hair and tugging lightly.

He moaned against my mouth, kissing me back roughly. His grip on my arms loosened, and he slid his hands down to cup my ass, squeezing and pulling my body tightly against him. I could feel him, rock hard through his jeans and pressing against me. Slowly he walked us backward toward the wall of the garage, pinning me up against it, then nipping and sucking at my neck while he lifted one of my legs to wrap around his waist and ground himself against me in firm but slow circles.

"Oh God, Edward, _please_ …" I moaned.

"Please, what, _Bella_?" he whispered in my ear.

" _I need you_ , I need you so badly. I've missed you so much…"

His hands slid up from my ass, and he rested them on the skin that was left exposed from my shirt riding up. "Tell me to stop, Bella, tell me to stop and I'll let you go right now. You can turn around and walk away like this never happened," he said quietly.

" _Don't stop_. I want this, I want _you."_ I moaned softly as his hands hiked my shirt up higher and higher, finally slipping it off completely. I was standing there, pressed up against a wall in his garage, in nothing but my jeans and bra. I smiled internally; what would _she_ think? I felt like I'd won. In fact, I _knew_ I'd won.

"Fuck baby, you look good enough to eat standing there like that." He growled, sliding his hands around my back and popping the clasp on my bra. He slid the straps down slowly, exposing me to him. I could feel my nipples harden further as the air hit them, and I moaned loudly as he leaned down, taking one in his mouth and sucking roughly.

"These tits, God, I can't tell you how long I've thought about these tits," he said, sliding his mouth over to my other nipple and wrapping his lips around it.

His hands traveled down my sides and stopped at the front of my jeans. He looked up at me and I just nodded, giving him all the permission that he needed. He popped the button on them roughly and slid the zipper down, pulling my pants and my panties down in one swift motion, leaving me completely exposed to him.

"Are you on anything or do we need to stop?" he asked, his voice thick with desire.

"I'm covered. _Please_ , don't fucking stop now," I all but whined.

It all happened so fast that it was almost a blur. One second I was pressed against a wall, the next I was bent over his work bench. I heard the sounds of him quickly popping the button on his pants, the unzipping of his fly, and then finally the loud clunk when his belt buckle hit the floor as his pants dropped to his ankles.

He gripped my hip with one hand and parted my legs with his knee as much as he could with my jeans wrapped around my ankles as well. I felt him line his cock up with my entrance, and he slid into me with a loud groan. "Oh shit, your pussy is so tight, so much fucking tighter…" he trailed off, and started to pound into me at a grueling pace. My nails dug into the wood of his work bench, and I was almost worried I'd have splinters in my fingers after this.

I moaned loudly as he continued his assault on my pussy, never letting up for a moment. His hand slipped around to the front of me, searching out my clit, finding it quickly and rubbing fast circles against it. "Come on baby, come with me, I need to feel that pussy squeeze my cock." His voice was raw with need.

"Oh God, Edward, please, just… Oh _God,"_ I moaned out, as I came hard, clenching tightly and spasming around his cock.

"Shit, shit, shit. Just like that, _yes_ ," he groaned, coming deep inside me.

He slipped out of me quickly, pulling up and fastening his pants. "You gotta get dressed and get out of here. She'll be back sooner than later," he said as he tossed me my shirt and bra.

I stood there just staring at him for a moment. _I had to go?_ We had just _fucked,_ and now I was being kicked out. It was wasn't until I felt something warm and slick sliding down my leg that I was broken from my daze. He didn't even offer to let me clean up, I just had to _leave_.

I pulled my pants up, not caring about the mess that it would make, and quickly threw on my shirt, not worrying to waste time on my bra. I had to get out of there, I couldn't let him see me cry. This had been _my_ idea. _I_ had wanted this.

As I made my way down the driveway I heard him call out, "Bella? I'll see you on Saturday, baby. I promise... we'll talk." His face looked almost as broken as my heart felt. _Almost._

In the end, I hadn't won at all.


	3. Chapter 2

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta!

oOo

For the first time since we started meeting on Saturdays, he was there on the beach before I was. I stood on the boardwalk that led down into the sand, just watching him for a moment.

I had seen another side of him last weekend, and I still wasn't sure how I felt about what had happened. He had been cold in the way he just told me I had to leave, something I had never known him to be. I had to wonder how much I really knew about him. While I was walking back to my car that day, I had been trying to convince myself that it wasn't worth the heartbreak to see him again, that was until he called out to me. His only saving grace had been when he said we'd talk today.

There was a part of me that felt used and ashamed of what happened, no matter the role that I had played in it. Then there was another part of me that enjoyed the fact of what we had done. That he had made the choice to be with _me_. His hands had been on _me._ His dick had been in _me._

I figured I'd made him wait long enough and decided to make my way over to him, dropping down to sit in the sand beside him.

He looked over at me. "Hey," was all he said.

"You said we'd talk. So talk," I said bluntly.

"Right." He nodded. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rough. I didn't even know if you were going to show, or if you'd even find the note in time, or at all. I really hadn't planned to sleep with—"

I cut him off. "You didn't sleep with me. You _fucked me,_ and then sent me on my way with your jizz sliding down my legs. You treated me like your whore, and I mean, maybe that's all I am—"

It was his turn to cut me off, shaking his head. "Don't ever call yourself a whore. You're not, I don't see you that way, I just... I'm sorry, okay? I panicked," he said with a shrug.

I looked over at him, and I could tell he truly meant what he was saying, but I still just couldn't shake my feelings. I didn't want every time we were _together_ to be like that. I didn't want a constant feeling of shame. I knew I had initiated this whole situation but I had just expected it to be... _different._

I nodded and went to stand when he grabbed my wrist. "Where are you going?" he asked

"Home," was all I said.

"Oh. But I thought…" he sighed heavily.

"You thought what? That we were going to fuck and you'd run off?"

He winced at my statement. "No. I just thought, I mean, I realized that most of our conversations have been about me, and that I really don't know that much about you…"

It had never dawned on me before now, that all of our conversations really had revolved mainly around _him_. That just made me feel worse. Was I really so caught up in him that I didn't even stop to think that this relationship, or whatever you wanted to call it, was so one-sided?

"What did you want to know?" I wasn't really in the mood to play twenty questions, but I'd humor him for a moment.

"Oh, uh, what's your last name?"

"Swan."

"Bella Swan. That's pretty," he said with a nod.

"Isabella," I corrected him.

"Huh?" he said, looking confused.

"My full name is Isabella. I just like Bella better," I told him. He didn't even know my full name.

"Isabella… it suits you."

I nodded.

"Will you tell me what you're thinking? Are you angry with me?" he said, taking my hand in his. It took all my strength to not wrench it from his. Just a week ago I would have given anything to be sitting next to him like this.

It wasn't really him that I was angry at, though. This had all initially been my suggestion. I had put the idea out there that we could be together without her knowing.

After last Saturday, though, the reality of just what that suggestion would mean for me hit home. It meant that I would always be the one in the background. I'd be the quick fuck in his garage or his truck, and never the one who he came home to at night or the one he'd have his babies with. I'd be the one that was hidden, tucked away so no one would know.

I'd had this notion that if or when he came back, he would have chosen me. That I would have been the only one. It was stupid of me, really. He _loved_ her. He _lusted after_ me. There was a big difference.

I _hated_ that the first time I fell in love, it was with a man who would more than likely never really be mine. In the end, though, I either had to come to terms with that fact and have him in my life or walk away. I wasn't ready to walk away just yet.

"Do you really want to know what I'm thinking?" I asked quietly.

"I do," he said, leaning back and propping himself up on his elbows.

"I keep thinking that I was so wrong in ever suggesting this thing between us—"

"Bella... no," he cut in.

"Let me finish. I keep thinking that I was so wrong in ever suggesting this thing between us, but I can't stay away from you. I'll take you in whatever ever way I can have you."

He sat up straight, pulling me into his lap. "You break up my normal. You make it so I don't dread every day. I _need_ you, Bella," he said as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss to my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my forehead to his.

"You need to go. _She'll_ be waiting for you," I whispered.

"Don't be like that, baby. Here, give me your phone," he said, holding out his hand.

I reached into my back pocket, pulled out my phone and handed it to him. I watched as he punched a few numbers in and handed it back.

"There, now you have my number and I have yours. I can't promise I'll always respond right away, but…" he trailed off.

"Right. Well, you should go, then. Wouldn't want you to get in trouble." I placed a kiss on his lips and stood from his lap.

He stood, brushing the sand from his pants. "I promise we'll find time."

"But she comes first. Trust me, I know," I said as I walked away from him and headed to my car. He didn't always deserve to get the last word.

oOo

I pulled into my driveway and sighed. My mom, Renee, was home early today. She always met up with her best friend from high school on Saturdays, and usually she didn't get home until after I got back from the beach, so she never even knew that I had left. My dad, he worked late on Saturdays, so he was just as clueless to everything as she was.

I knew she'd be excited that I'd met a boy, not that Edward was considered a boy in any sense of the word. I had no clue what I would tell her about him if she asked. There was a chance she might be alright with the age difference, but there wasn't a chance in hell that she'd be alright with the fact that he was married. I hated the fact that I'd need to lie to her.

I let myself in and walked straight into the kitchen. There was no sense in avoiding her, she had that super mom hearing, so she already knew I was home.

"Hey, Mom, you're home early today," I said to her, sitting down at the table.

"Oh, yeah. Harry wasn't feeling well, so Sue couldn't stay for long today," she said with a shrug. "So what did you get up to today, Bella?" she asked, causing me to squirm in my seat. She took one look at me and exclaimed, "Oh! Who is he, Bella, is he cute? What's he like?"

Leave it to my mom to figure it out without me even saying a word. "I'm not sure I would call him cute, he's uh, he's really... hot," I said with a laugh. If I had to lie to her about him being married, I figured I could at least be honest with her about almost everything else.

She just grinned at me. "How old is he? Do I know him?"

I cringed slightly, of course she wanted to know his age. "Promise you won't be upset, Mom?"

"I'll do my very best, what is it?" She narrowed her eyes at me.

"He's 30," I said, glancing at her but not holding her gaze.

"Oh! Is that all? You do remember that Daddy is 8 years older than me, right? I was 18 when he was 26. There's just something about an older man, isn't there?" She smiled softly, and sat down next to me. "Does he know that you're going to college this fall? He's not just some boy, Bella, he's a man. I assume he has a job and responsibilities, you can't just lead him on, sweetie."

I just nodded, because really, who was leading who on? "Right. I haven't told him yet, but it's really new and we're just getting to know each other."

"Well, don't leave it for too long. You're not going terribly far away, but it's still fair to let him make a choice in this as well, as hard as that might be, baby."

Because it wasn't like he was making enough choices for himself already, or anything. I heard what my mom said, and even though I agreed with her that I should let him know sooner rather than later, I just wasn't ready for that.

"I know. I think I'm just going to go relax for a bit. Maybe go through some of my stuff." I got up from the table, kissed my mom on the cheek and headed toward my room.

I had no intention of going through any of my things today. It would just make the fact that I would be leaving Edward in a few months—and that his life would just continue on with her exactly like it had been before he laid his eyes on me—that much harder to deal with.

A/N: I am absolutely amazed with the reaction that I got from the last chapter! I just wanted to say thank you for all of your reviews! I enjoyed how passionate some of you were about this Edward and Bella and the situation they've created for themselves. I love knowing what you think!

I was so excited to post last time, that I forgot to mention that I am planning to post on Wednesdays. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 3

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta!

oOo

It was wednesday, and I was standing in my room looking around, trying to decide what I would be taking with me to college and what I would be leaving behind. I had yet to tell Edward that come September I was heading off to the University of Oregon, regardless of what my mom said. I felt a little guilty about it, but it wasn't as if he'd exactly asked about my plans, either.

I was only moving 2 hours away from Coos Bay, but I knew it would be far enough that we'd be going our separate ways when the time came. There was no way he was going to be willing to do this long distance. He'd just go back to his normal everyday life and by the time I graduated I would imagine he'd have his first baby on the way, if not his second. And me? I'd be heading off on my own for the first time, and I was positive it would be with a broken heart.

I'd given up on sorting through my stuff, and instead I was laying on my bed staring up at the ceiling and feeling sorry for myself, when my phone vibrated. I grabbed it off the nightstand and saw that I had a text from Edward. It was the first time I'd heard from him since we exchanged numbers on Saturday.

' _Call me'_ was all that it read. Those two words sent my heart racing; was something wrong? Had his wife figured it out? Was he going to tell me we were done? I quickly pressed the call button and it rang a few times before he picked up.

"Hey, sugar!" he said, and in the background I could hear the hum of the pavement under his tires.

"Hey, is everything alright?" I asked nervously.

He laughed. "Everything's fine, I wanted you to call me because I've gotta go down to Brookings, and I was hoping if you weren't busy you'd wanna take a ride with me?"

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to spend an entire day with him. It would be the first time we'd be together, not at the beach, and not just fucking in his garage. "Yeah, I can be ready in about 10 minutes, do you want to come by? No one is home, so…"

I was met with silence, then I heard him say, "What do you mean _,_ no one is home? Who do you live with, baby?"

Crap, he didn't know that I still lived at home. "My... my parents," I said quietly. I was just waiting for the day when he realized that I really was too young for him.

He sighed heavily. "Your _parents_... Christ. Fine, what's the address?"

I rambled off my address to him quickly. "I'm not too far from there, I'll be by in a few minutes."

I jumped up off my bed, running to my closet. I wanted to look sexy, but not like I was trying too hard. I pulled out a pair of distressed denim shorts and a tight black tank. I stripped out of my pajamas and quickly threw on my clothes and looked at myself in the full length mirror. It had taken me awhile to love my body, and the first couple of years of high school were difficult for me. All I had wanted was to just fit in. I had wanted to be the tall, skinny girl, not the short, curvy girl. I had gone through puberty early, and by the time I was in 9th grade I was already a 36D, with full hips, thick thighs, and a narrow waist. It was during my junior year when I began to notice that the boys were giving me more attention than the other girls, that I started to really appreciate my body and see it for what it was. _I_ actually had what most other girls wanted.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard a knock at the door. I threw on my favorite pair of black flip flops with rhinestones on the straps and headed to answer it.

I pulled open the door, and before I could even speak, I heard him say, "Holy _shit._ " I watched as his gaze trailed from my face slowly down to my tits, stopping there for a moment, before flicking back up to my face.

I bit on my bottom lip, trying to stop myself from grinning. I'd gotten the reaction out of him that I was hoping for. "Hey, I'm ready to go if you are." I grabbed my purse from beside the door and strode passed him down the steps toward his truck. When I realized he wasn't following, I stopped and looked over my shoulder with a smirk and called back to him, "You coming, or do you plan to stare at my ass all day?"

He shook his head as if trying to snap himself out of a daze. "Oh, uh, right. Yeah, I'm coming," he said as he quickly ran down the steps to catch up with me.

oOo

"So, what are we going to Brookings for?" I asked

"I've got to pick up some lumber for a job, and I ordered some new blades for my saw, they just came in yesterday. Plus I figured we could spend some time together today," he said with a smile, reaching over to place a hand on my bare thigh.

I leaned my head back against the headrest. "It was a nice surprise. I didn't think I'd get to see you again until Saturday."

"I couldn't wait that long. I've been dying to see you." His thumb was drawing slow circles on my inner thigh; all it took was that small touch and I felt like I was going to explode, but I was still a little hesitant. Our first time together had been rushed and raw, and the ending, well, it had left a sour taste in my mouth. I needed him to show me that it wouldn't be like that every time.

I kept my head leaned back and closed my eyes. "Mmm, that feels nice, you know," I said softly.

His hand slipped further up my thigh and between my legs, gently running his fingers over my shorts and against my crotch. I moaned softly. "That feels even nicer. You know, there's a dirt road not far from here, it's pretty secluded," I said, opening my eyes to peek over at him.

He wet his lips with his tongue. "And just how do you know about this road, sugar?" His voice was huskier than normal.

I shrugged my shoulders. "You're not the first guy I've ever been with, you know."

"Nah, I know I'm not. But I am the _best,_ right, baby?" He smirked.

I rolled my eyes at him. "The turn is coming up if you're wanting to pull off. It's up to you," I said as I reached over and palmed the front of his jeans, finding him hard. I giggled softly as he signaled to turn off the road.

oOo

We drove down the dirt road for a bit before we found a turn off that lead a little ways into the trees, leaving us basically unseen.

We whipped our seatbelts off at almost the exact moment, and before I knew it he'd pulled me onto his lap, his lips attacking mine. I pulled back slightly, taking his bottom lip between my teeth and biting softly. The low moan that escaped him went straight to my core, as did the feeling of him grinding himself slowly up against me. I moved to unbutton his jeans when his hand gripped my wrist.

"Not yet. I want to uh, I want to make up for last time, baby," he said, as his hands came around to the front of my shorts and made quick work of the button and zipper.

"Get off my lap and lay back, baby, get your head as close to the door as you can," he instructed me.

I slipped off his lap and laid back, edging myself close to the door just as he told me. Right about then I was thanking God for my short stature, and the fact that his truck had a bench seat.

"Good girl, now lift those hips for me," he said, and when I did, he slipped off my shorts and panties.

"Bend your knees, baby, and I need you to open your legs as wide as you can, I wanna see your pretty pink pussy," he said, his voice rough with desire.

I did as he asked, and watched as his eyes turned dark. "Fuck, baby. You're fucking soaked, is that all for me, sugar?" he groaned out, sliding his finger through my folds, then circling my clit slowly with his thumb. "One day, when we're not in a cramped truck, I'm gonna eat the hell out of that pussy," he growled as he slipped a finger inside me, slowly pumping it in and out.

I moaned loudly. Between his words and the feeling of his hands on and in me, I didn't know which way was up.

"So you like a little dirty talk, do you, baby?" He smirked at me.

"Fuck, _yes_ ," I groaned.

He slipped a second finger into me, pumping faster. "What if I told you that I want you on my cock, that I want to watch your tits bounce while you ride me. You wanna ride my cock, baby?" His voice was low and deeper than normal.

"Oh _God_ , yes," I moaned.

He continued to rub my clit, adding a little more pressure, as he continued to fuck me with his fingers, he said, "Come on baby, come for me, let me hear you."

I moaned his name loudly as my back arched and my pussy clenched down tightly on his fingers in one of the most intense orgasms I had ever had. I laid there catching my breath for a few moments, when I heard the zipper on his pants slide down. I propped myself up on my elbows, watching as he slowly stroked his cock.

"You just gonna stare at my cock all day, or you coming over here?" he smirked, using my earlier words against me.

I sat up, quickly pulled my tank and bra off, then scrambled over to him, straddling his lap. "Edward," I said, losing my nerve all of a sudden.

"What is it, baby? We don't have to," he said quietly

"No... I've just... I've never been on top before, I don't know how…" I flushed. I didn't like letting him know just how inexperienced I really was.

He grinned at me. "Lift your hips up, baby," he told me, and I did as he said. He had his cock in his hand, holding it at my entrance. "Now slide down, slowly." He let out a hiss as I slid down, and I groaned as I felt him fill me completely.

"Oh _fuck,_ now lift and drop those hips, baby. Just ride it." He slipped his hands beneath my ass, gripping onto me, helping me keep my pace.

"Oh, _shit,_ Edward this is so _good_ ," I breathed out, picking up my pace.

"That's a good girl, you got it. Make those tits bounce for me, baby," he growled softly, while his fingers dug into my ass a little deeper. "You feel so god damn tight around me, I don't know how long I can hold on, baby."

I leaned down, placing soft kisses on his jaw line through his beard. "Come, baby, I want to feel you come inside me." I moaned softly in his ear. That was all it took for him, he grunted, thrusting up into me and I felt him spill inside me. I leaned my front against his and laid my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me, panting and trying to catch his breath.

"That should have been our first time, sugar. I'm sorry," he whispered, rubbing slow circles on my back.

I just nodded my head against his shoulder. I didn't want him to see the few tears that slipped from eyes.

A/N: So, I wanted to try something new with this fic! I've made a playlist on Spotify to go along with it, and when I update, I'll update the playlist. It's about 2 songs per chapter. If you have Spotify Premium, it'll work on your phone, if you don't it'll work on a laptop/desktop! I'll add the songs to the end of the chapters just incase you don't use Spotify! **The link to the playlist is on my profile!**

Prologue:  
Million Reasons - Lady Gaga  
Jolene - Dolly Parton

Chapter 1:  
Strawberry Wine - Deana Carter  
I have Questions - Camila Cabello

Chapter 2:  
Bad Liar - Selena Gomez  
Meant to be - Bebe Rexha

Chapter 3:

I'm In Love With a Monster – Fifth Harmony

Body Like a Back Road – Sam Hunt


	5. Chapter 4

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta!

oOo

After our little detour we headed down the highway again towards Brookings, and after about an hour on the road we pulled into the parking lot of Newton's Lumber.

Edward started to make his way out of the truck, while I stayed seated. He stopped with the door hanging open and looked over at me. "You coming, sugar?" he asked.

"Oh, I didn't know if I should. I don't want to cause any issues if they know…" I trailed off. He knew who I was referring to.

"I've never taken her out here, Bella. No one here even knows that I'm…" he took a deep breath, seeming to have trouble saying the word, "that I'm… married."

I nodded and hopped down out of the truck, taking a second to straighten out my clothes and brush my fingers through my hair. "Let's go, then," I said, suddenly feeling more confident in knowing that this was something _she'd_ never done with him.

oOo

We walked into the store and straight up to the counter where we were met by a guy who wasn't much older than myself. He was kind of cute if you were into that blonde-haired, blue-eyed type.

"Hey, Mike, I got a call about my blades yesterday, and I'm needing to pick up some 4X6's while I'm out this way," Edward said to him.

While he started to chat with Mike, I wandered off down one of the aisles. I was curious to see what he loved so much about all this stuff. I was standing there staring at some tool, I wasn't really sure if it was for wood or torture, when I heard Mike say, "It was good seeing you. You can just pull your truck around back and Pete will help you load up when you're ready. I, uh, wanted to ask though, who's the pretty girl you brought in? Your sister?"

I giggled when I heard Edward cough and clear his throat. "Nah, she's not my sister, that's for damn sure. She's not single either, if that's what you're asking."

That part really caught my attention. It actually kind of pissed me off that he thought he could make some sort of claim on me. I loved him, but that didn't mean I was going to put my life completely on hold for him. If he ever decided that he wanted _me_ more than _her_ , I'd jump on that chance in a second. Until then, love or not, I wasn't being tied down to _just_ him if he wasn't tied down to _just_ me.

I made my way back up front and stood next to him, determined to show him that he didn't get to make my choices for me, not when I didn't have any say in _his_ choices. I smiled at Mike and leaned against the counter, making sure my tits were in full view. "Don't pay attention to him, Mike, he's just being over protective. You got a day off coming up? I've heard the beaches around here are amazing. I'd love to visit them."

"Oh! Uh, yeah the beaches are great, I'd love to—" Mike started, but Edward cut him off.

" _Bella!_ Come on. We gotta bring the truck around back." His eyes were on fire, and not in a good way.

I frowned slightly. "Sorry, another time, Mike," I said as I followed Edward out the door and back to his truck.

When we got in the truck he exploded at me. "What the _fuck_ was that about, Bella? Flirting, asking him out on a date with me right the fuck there? _Goddammit_ Bella! You think I'm just fucking around here?" he yelled.

I laughed mirthlessly. "Do I think you're just _fucking around here_? Of course! Isn't that what this whole goddamn thing is about for you? _Fucking someone who isn't your wife!"_ I yelled back.

"What the hell, Bella. Where is all of this coming from? You _know_ it's not just about that." His voice was slightly calmer now.

I wiped the angry tears from my eyes. "You told him in there that I'm not single. You can't exactly put a fucking claim on me while you're not exactly _single_ yourself, either, Edward."

He sighed, backing his truck up so that he could help get the lumber that we came here for loaded up. "We'll talk in a minute, just let me get this shit over with." He jumped out of his truck, slamming the door.

oOo

After about 20 minutes of loading lumber into the bed of his truck he jumped back in the cab, making his way to pull back out onto the road. We weren't heading towards home, though.

"Where are we going?" I asked quietly. My anger had died down a bit while I had been waiting for him.

"You wanted to see the beach here in Brookings, I'm taking you to the fucking beach." He sighed heavily.

I closed my eyes and leaned back in my seat. I didn't know what I was even doing here, or why I was even bothering right now. I could understand why he'd be mad at me for flirting with Mike right in front of him, but as for everything else? He really had no right. He was having an affair, and I was setting myself up for heartbreak. It's not like we were building a foundation for anything, no matter how much I wished we were. If he couldn't walk around town holding my hand, I still considered myself single.

We pulled up to the beach, and he shut the engine off. "You really think this is just about me fuckin' someone else besides my wife? That I'd do this with just any pretty face that walked by?" he said quietly, but there was a slight edge to his voice.

I shook my head. "No, I don't think you'd do this with just anyone. But you've got to admit, Edward, a lot of this for you, it's just about the sex. Did you not invite me with you this afternoon with the intention of having sex?"

He ran his hands over his face roughly. "I can't say I didn't think about it, but sugar, there's more to you than just that hot little body and I know that. I like the way I feel when I'm with you, baby."

"Can I asked you something?" I said.

"Yeah, anything you want," he told me.

"Why me?" I asked quietly.

"Honestly?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, honestly."

He blew out a breath. "At first, I talked to you because you were lying there on the beach, you had on that little bathing suit, and _Goddamn_ you looked good," he said with a smirk and continued, "then we started talking more, and I realized I really liked your personality; you were smart and funny and you made me feel like I was worth something." He shrugged.

"You love your wife, though," I said.

"I do," he said with a nod.

"Then why would you do," I gestured between us with my hand, "this?"

"Just because you love someone doesn't mean that they give you everything you need. People seem to think that love itself is some magical cure, and if you have it, you'll always be happy. I love her, she's one of my best friends, but over the years, my love for her has changed. Now, sometimes we want different things, where in the beginning, we wanted all the same things," he said as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back.

"What do I give you?" I said, barely above a whisper.

"I guess... I feel like I can talk to you and you actually listen. You don't just shoot down my ideas, you let me dream a little. Plus, that ass and those tits don't hurt." He grinned, and it seemed we were done fighting, for now.

" _Edward!_ " I exclaimed.

He shrugged his shoulders. "You wanted honesty!" he said as he slipped his hand on my thigh, slowly inching it up further.

I swatted his hand away. "Nope, I've gotta get home and so do you. Don't want you getting into any trouble, right?"

He pouted slightly as he started up his truck, pulling away from the beach and heading toward home.

oOo

We'd been driving in comfortable silence for a few minutes when he dug his phone out of his pocket and handed it to me. "Here, turn something you want on."

I grabbed the phone from him and started to look through his playlists, searching for one song in particular. I wasn't sure if he would have it, but after searching for a few moments, I struck gold. I clicked play, and Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) by Big & Rich came blaring through the speakers. I grinned as he threw his head back and laughed.

"You trying to tell me something, sugar?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I have no clue what you're talking about." I smirked at him as he started singing along, his voice deep and smooth.

For the next hour we sang along to songs like Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, Watermelon Crawl, and Friends in Low Places. It was silly and it was fun to let our hair down and just _be_. It was like we were just any other couple.

But what's that saying? All good things must come to an end? It couldn't have been more true in that moment. I froze in my spot as the music cut off and her name flashed across the screen of the radio. I glanced over at Edward, and he was pale white.

" _Fuck!_ I swear to God, Bella, keep quiet, do you understand me?" he barked out.

I just nodded as he pressed a button on the radio. "Hey, babe," he said, and I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Hey! I was just calling to check up on you, I know you didn't get much sleep last night," she said, or really it was more like purred. I turned in my seat, my eyes on him, waiting to hear his reply. It seemed between me and his wife, he was seeing quite the action.

He glanced over at me, his eyes panicked. "Oh, I'm uh, I'm fine, babe. I'll be home in a while, alright?"

"Okay, good. I'll see you soon. Love you," she said.

"Love you, too," he replied and hit end.

"Bella, I—" he started, but I didn't want to hear it.

"Whatever, Edward, its fine. Just get me home, okay?" I huffed.

"No, it's not fine. Did you really think that I could just stop with her? Wouldn't that send up a red flag?" he said defensively.

"No. I didn't think that. However, I did think that maybe you wouldn't stick your dick into her and then into me in the span of what, 12 hours, maybe?" I glared at him.

"Fuck, Bella, I just—"

" _Goddammit, Edward!_ Just _shut up_ and fucking drive, okay?" I yelled.

Thankfully, he just looked forward and did as I asked.

All I wanted was to get home and lock myself in my room for a while. Why was I putting myself through this for someone who didn't want me completely? He had said a mouthful earlier when he said, "Just because you love someone doesn't mean that they give you everything you need."

Now I just had to figure out what it was that I needed.

oOo

We pulled up in front of my house, and almost before he came to a complete stop I was out of my seat and hopping down. Before I could slam the door, I heard him call me. "Bella?"

"What?" I glared at him.

"I just… I'm really sorry you had to hear all of that. I don't want you to think you don't mean anything to me."

I nodded. "Right. Well, I'll… talk to you." I made to close the door, but he stopped me again.

"I am going to see you again, right?" His eyes were desperate and pleading. I wanted to say no, but I knew I'd cave.

"Just… just give me a few days, alright?" I sighed.

"Okay, I'll be at the beach Saturday. Hopefully, you will be too?" he said.

I nodded and closed the door finally. I stood there for a moment and watched as he backed out of my driveway. I had a lot of thinking to do over the next few days.

oOo

Chapter 4 Songs:

I'm a Mess – Bebe Rexha

Chasing Pavements – Adele


	6. Chapter 5

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta!

oOo

I spent Wednesday evening and most of Thursday and Friday holed up in my room. I was trying to figure out what Edward gave to me emotionally. I'd tried to come across as confident to him and I hadn't wanted to let him see me cry, but hearing him on the phone with _her_ had nearly destroyed me. The knowledge of what they had done the night before, and then that he had been with me the next afternoon, was almost too much for me to take.

It had just confirmed for me again that I would never lay in his bed, sated and out of breath while he held me in his arms. He wouldn't hold me while we slept, and we would never wake up in the morning, going about our routines, maybe sharing a cup of coffee before we headed out to start our days. We'd never just be a normal couple, and really I wasn't sure that it was something he wanted with me anyway. He still loved her, one way or another.

oOo

Friday night I was lying in bed trying to sleep when my phone buzzed. I grabbed it and saw I had a text from Edward. " _Are we on for tomorrow_?" it read.

" _Yes. I'll be there,"_ I wrote back. I wasn't really sure how tomorrow was going to pan out. I wanted to be with him. I enjoyed being with him, at least most of the time, but I still wasn't sure why I kept just putting myself in the situation to get my heart broken, over and over.

When my phone buzzed again I figured it was Edward, but when I looked at it I saw that it was from my friend Jake. " _Bonfire in Bandon tomorrow, you game?"_

Jake and I had been friends for as long as I could remember. His dad and my dad had been best friends since they were younger and we were basically raised together. As we got older our feelings had morphed a bit, Jake's more so than mine, and he was always saying that he was holding out hope that I'd want to date him. My feelings just weren't that strong for him.

He was attractive, hot even, and really sweet. Sometimes it was hard to resist him when he really turned on his charm and we'd been known to share a good make-out session or two from time to time if we weren't dating anyone else. It had never gone further than that, though.

" _Sounds fun, I'll be there,"_ I replied to his text. If things went well with Edward tomorrow, maybe he could tag along with me somehow. If things went badly though, I could just drink all night and try to forget everything that had happened over the last couple of weeks.

I was just drifting off to sleep when my phone buzzed again. I reached for it and saw I had another text from Edward. _"Can't wait. I'm dying to see you."_

A smile spread across my face, but it quickly turned to a frown. Was he laying in bed next her, typing out texts to me? Did an hour go by between texts because they were _busy_? I slipped my phone back onto my night stand and rolled over, not bothering to reply. I couldn't think about him anymore tonight; the thoughts running through my head were enough to crush me.

oOo

Saturday afternoon finally rolled around, and when I pulled into the parking lot by the beach I looked around, noticing that his truck was nowhere to be found. I made my way down onto the sand to wait for him. After about twenty minutes of sitting and staring out at the waves breaking on the sand, I felt someone sit next to me.

"What's your favorite color?" he said quietly.

I looked over, raising my eyebrows at him. "Blue," I said, feeling slightly confused.

"Your favorite band?"

"Imagine Dragons. What are you doing?" I questioned.

"What's your favorite food?"

"I love pizza. Seriously, Edward, what's going on?"

"Favorite movie?"

"The Devil Wears Prada. Come on, Edward, what are you doing?"

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I just want to know you better, Bella. I want you to know that I'm interested in who _you_ are. God, I'm so fucking sorry about Wednesday and that you had to hear all of that. I should have just let it go to voicemail, but I panicked and I'm just… _sorry._ " He reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly.

Up until now, I had been able to hide my tears from him each time, but I couldn't stop the few that fell from my eyes this time.

"Oh, baby, no…" he said softly and pulled me onto his lap, hugging me to him. "Don't cry, sugar, please," he whispered.

"I'm sorry, I just…" I trailed off.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, baby. This one is all on me," he said.

Apparently, all I'd wanted was for him to take an interest in _me_ , to show me that he cared about more than my body. I knew he would never love me like I loved him, but it was nice all the same to have him show an interest in my life.

I curled in closer to him as he rubbed slow circles on my back, placing a kiss to my hair. It was rare that I got to be like this with him. I wanted to drink in every second of it since I knew I couldn't stay on his lap for much longer. We couldn't take the chance, no matter how slim it was, that someone he might know would walk by even though most days this part of the beach was basically deserted. He hugged me to him for a moment longer, and then I slipped off his lap, going back to my spot next to him.

"Edward?" I said.

"Yeah, sugar?"

"So, a few friends of mine are having a bonfire down in Bandon tonight, and I know it's probably impossible, but would you want to come?" I asked.

"I don't know, Bella. That seems like taking a huge chance, doesn't it?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Does she hang out with so many teenagers that you think someone will know you?" I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Look, I'll think about it, okay? I'm not sure if I could sneak off, anyway." He leaned back, propping himself up on his elbows.

I nodded. "Okay, well, just try, and let me know if you're able to. I'm probably going to head out there around 9 tonight."

"Will do, sugar. You up for some more questions?" he grinned.

"Sure, go ahead," I told him with a small smile.

"Ok… what's your bra size?" he laughed.

" _Edward!"_ I exclaimed.

" _Fine,_ how about, when's your birthday?"

"September 13th. I don't think I know yours either, actually," I said

"June 20th," he said with a shrug.

"Oh! That's next Wednesday! Do you have plans?" I asked.

"Oh, we, uh, we usually just go out for breakfast, then off to work if it's on a weekday. Why?"

"Do you think we could find some time to be together that day? I'd really like to celebrate your birthday, too." I sighed.

"I'll see what I can do." He smiled and leaned over, placing a soft but quick kiss to my lips.

oOo

It was a little bit before 9 that night when I'd finally given up hope that he was going to text, but as I was walking out to my car I suddenly heard his truck come roaring down the road, stopping in front of my house.

He rolled down his window and called out to me, "Hurry up and hop in, sugar!"

I ran over quickly and climbed up into his truck, leaning over to give him a quick kiss on the lips.

"How'd you pull this off?" I asked excitedly.

"My buddy Jasper, he owes me a favor. I'm at his house playing poker right about now." He shrugged.

"Well, I'm really glad you came. You know where South Jetty Beach is?" I asked him.

"Yep, and I'm really glad I came too, baby," he said, pulling me closer to him.

oOo

When we arrived at the beach, Edward parked his truck and we hopped down. He came over next to me, grabbing my hand in his, and we started to make our way toward the bonfire.

I should have seen it coming, but my mind had been otherwise occupied with the feeling of my hand in his. Suddenly I was ripped from Edward and being twirled around by big strong arms and I knew who it was immediately. "Jake! Put me down!" I yelled, smacking his shoulder.

Jake laughed. "Sorry, Bella! It feels like it's been forever since I've seen you, though!" he said, leaning in for a kiss. Thankfully, I turned my head at the right time and it landed on my cheek.

I glanced back at Edward trying to judge if he'd noticed. By the way he was standing, his body tense with his hands balled into fists at his sides, I'd say he noticed.

Jake followed my gaze. "Oh. Who's this, Bella?"

"This is my… friend, Edward. Edward, this is one of my good friends, Jake," I said, introducing them.

"Oh Bella, you know we're more than just _good friends,"_ Jake said as he held out his hand and Edward took it, gripping tightly enough that I could see the veins popping out in his forearm. By the expressions on both their faces, I was sure that Jake was returning the sentiment.

"Good to meet you, _Jack,"_ Edward said, and I rolled my eyes.

"It's Jake. You're a bit too young for memory loss, aren't you? Anyway, come on Bella, the guys are all excited to see you, too. Sam even picked up one of those boring ass pizzas you like," Jake said with a grin as he turned and ran back toward the fire.

"Bella?" Edward said.

"I'm sorry, I know he was being a jerk and—"

He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me to him, kissing me deeply and nipping softly at my bottom lip. "I may not be able to _claim you_ as you put it the other day, but I want you to remember how it feels when my lips are on yours or how fuckin' good it feels when my cock is in you, you understand me, sugar?" he growled in my ear, slipping his hands down to grab my ass.

My eyes widened slightly and I nodded my head.

"Good girl. Now let's go join your _friends,"_ he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the bonfire.

oOo

Everyone was sitting around the bonfire chatting and laughing, and even Edward seemed to be having a good time, thankfully.

I had just sat back down with my second slice of pizza when Jake came by and sat next to me. "So, are you ready to head off to U of O, Bells?" he asked.

I nearly choked on the bite that I had just taken. "Oh, uh, yeah. I've been trying to go through some of my things each day." I turned and glanced toward Edward. He was sitting there, staring at me, his jaw tense, but I couldn't read the look in his eyes. It was a mix between hurt and anger. I knew I should have told him before now, but I just hadn't been able to bring myself to do it. Every time I had thought about leaving and not seeing him anymore, it nearly broke me.

"Bella? Are you about ready to go?" he asked. Nothing in his tone gave away what he was thinking or feeling.

I really had no desire to leave or to have the conversation we were about to have, but I knew I couldn't put this off anymore. I nodded my head and stood up. "Yeah, we can go." I sighed.

"You're leaving already, Bella?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, I've got some things I need to do tomorrow and it's been a long day. I'll catch up with you soon, okay?" I said and gave him a quick hug and waved to the other guys before walking off with Edward.

oOo

We hopped up into the truck, and sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he said quietly after a few moments.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know how to. The thought of leaving makes me feel sick and—" I started, but he cut me off.

"It's fine. It's not like we're in love or anything. We're just _friends_ anyway, right? Basically we're fuck buddies." He shrugged.

I choked back a sob. No, he wasn't in love with me, that much was obvious. But me? I was so in love with him it hurt.

He looked over at me, and for a moment I swore I saw a flash of pain in his eyes, but then it was gone. "We'll just keep doing what we've been doing, I guess. I'm not ready to give that ass up yet." He smirked, putting his truck into drive and heading toward my house.

Sadly, I wasn't ready to give him up either, even though in a couple of months I wouldn't have much choice in the matter.

oOo

Chapter 5 Songs:

Elastic Heart – Sia

The Wrong Direction - Passenger


	7. Chapter 6

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta!

 **A/N: Okay friends, some of you on Facebook yesterday asked ( _begged_ ) for another chapter. You've lucked out that today my husband is going back to work after having 3 days off, so you get a 'I'm sad, lonely and your reviews make me happy and keep me entertained' surprise chapter. I won't spoil you all the time though! We'll be back to our regular Wednesday's Only schedule next week. ;) Now let's go hear from Edward today.**

oOo

I pulled into the driveway with a sigh of relief. The house was dark, which meant that Emily was asleep. I didn't know if I could face her right now. It was hard enough to kiss her, to be intimate with her, when all of my thoughts had started to surround Bella. I had never meant for this to happen; I had never meant to fall for her. She was just supposed to be someone to talk to, someone that broke up my tedious life.

Whenever I was with Emily now, since having been with Bella, all I could think about were Bella's soft curves, the way she moaned when I first entered her, and the little gasps she would make when I'd whisper something dirty to her. Emily wasn't one for dirty talk; she wasn't silent during sex, and I enjoyed it with her, but there was just something about being able to let go completely and just be myself. With Bella, I could be the person I truly was.

I slipped inside the house as quietly as I could, heading straight to the shower. I needed to wash off the scent of Bella and bonfire smoke. I was supposed to have been at my buddy Jasper's house having a guys' night. When I'd called him this afternoon and asked him if I could use him as an alibi, I ended up spilling my guts to him. I told him all about Bella, and what was going on; needless to say, he was disappointed in me, but promised he wouldn't say anything. It wasn't his place to tell Emily.

After my shower, I threw on a pair of boxers and climbed into bed quietly. I tried as best as I could not to wake Emily, but unfortunately, she was a light sleeper.

She rolled over, looking at me sleepily. She had an exotic look about her, and at one point in time I had really appreciated it and found her stunning. Now, though, I craved curves, with creamy white skin and full breasts, thick thighs, and that ass was like nothing I had seen before. Emily was slender and tall with an olive complexion and her breasts were just enough to fit in the palm of my hand. When I think back, I'm not sure that it was her appearance that had drawn me to her. Yes, she was beautiful and I was attracted to her, but it had been her heart that had initially called to me. Over these past couple of years, that heart was changing. Lately, I was beginning to think mine was, also.

"How was Jasper? Did you have fun?" she whispered sleepily.

"Jasper's good, babe. I had a good time. We'll talk in the morning," I whispered, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

Thankfully she rolled over, going back to sleep.

I laid there for what felt like hours, but sleep just wouldn't come. I'd had a bomb dropped on me tonight. Bella was _leaving._ She was heading off to college, something I had never done. After this summer, she'd just be a memory. She'd head up there to Eugene and find a man worthy of her. Not just someone with a blue collar job and a load of pipe dreams.

She deserved better than I could ever give her. I had been an ass to her on so many different occasions already, that I was shocked each time she came back to me. I knew I had cut her deep tonight when I'd called us just fuck buddies, but when I was hurt I tended to lash out. And tonight, she'd hurt me. But the last thing I could ever do was let her go, not just yet.

oOo

It felt like I had literally just fallen asleep when I heard Emily say, "Edward? Edward, it's almost 10 in the morning, are you planning on getting up today?"

I rubbed my hands over my face roughly and looked up at her. "Yeah, I'm getting up. I didn't sleep well last night," I told her, my voice rough with sleep as I threw the blankets off of me and headed towards the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror for a moment, taking in the dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, and ran a hand through my hair. I couldn't shake this melancholy feeling, but I had to put on a happy face for Emily. She'd know for sure that something was wrong if I just moped around all day. I splashed some water on my face and took a quick piss before I walked back out into the bedroom.

"So, what do you have planned for us today, babe?" I asked, trying to sound happier than I was.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Actually, I was thinking about heading down to see my mom. I know you probably don't want to come though, right?"

"Wait, are you telling me that you just woke me up to tell me that you're _not_ going to be home today? What the hell, Em? You _know_ I got in late from Jasper's last night!" I took a deep breath to calm down. "Whatever, it's fine. I'm going to get dressed and head outside if you're going to be gone today."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't even think about it, really, until you asked. I'll make it up to you by making you breakfast before I go, how's that sound?" She leaned in and placed a kiss to my lips.

"Yeah, sure. That's fine," I said, grabbing my cell phone off the nightstand and walking past her to find some clothes.

After Emily placed a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast down in front of me, she took a seat across from me. "So, Jasper was good? It's been a while since you've seen him, hasn't it?"

I nodded as I dug into my food. "Yeah, he's fine. It's just been a few weeks. Nothing crazy."

"Is he still seeing Alice? I don't know how I feel about her."

"Yeah, he's still with her. I think she's the one. I don't get what you don't like about her, though." I shrugged.

She stood up from her seat and reached for my plate. "You done?" she asked, and I nodded. "She's just a little too… _hyper_ for me, I guess."

I gave a mirthless laugh. "You're wantin' babies; you know kids are as hyper as hyper gets, don't you?"

With that she glared at me. "That's real nice of you, Edward, to throw that in my face. Especially since you're ' _not ready'_ to have a baby yet," she said, making little air quotes with her fingers.

I sighed heavily. I had no right cutting her down. It wasn't like she knew I was lashing out because the girl I was cheating on her with was leaving me in a couple of months. "Look, honey, I know you're ready. I just… I need more time, alright? We'll talk about it in a few months or something, I guess."

She scooped up her keys. "Whatever you say, Edward. Try and be in a better mood when I get back, alright?" She headed out the door, slamming it behind her.

I pulled out my phone; if I was going to get through this day, I needed to talk to Bella. I needed to find out what the fuck was actually going on. " _Can you come by the house for a bit?"_ I typed out to her. Not more than a minute later a reply from her came through.

" _Give me about 20 minutes?"_ she wrote back.

oOo

About half an hour passed before I heard a knock on the door. When I pulled it open, the sight before me made me groan internally. My eyes raked up and down her body, taking it all in. She had on this little denim skirt with a plain white t-shirt that hugged her breasts perfectly and was knotted in the front, showing off just enough of her beautiful skin. I wanted to run my fingers or maybe my tongue along that sliver of skin.

I was knocked out of my reverie when Bella cleared her throat.

"Did you invite me over to just stare at me on your porch, or can I come in?" She quirked an eyebrow at me.

"What if I did, sugar? You look real good standing there." I shrugged, stepping aside to let her through. I watched as she walked passed me, and I knew she put a little more sway in her step just for my benefit.

"So, where is _she?"_ she snarked, leaning up against one of the counters in the kitchen.

"She went to visit her mom. Lives about an hour away, out in Port Orford. I want to talk to you, Bella." Her eyes flicked up at me and I saw the nervousness there. I always called her 'sugar' or 'baby'; it was rare for her to hear her name actually fall from my lips.

"Well, go on and talk then," she said, trying to cover her nerves with false confidence.

"So, you're leaving. Mind telling me _when?_ Or were you just planning to skip out on me, never to be seen again?" I glared at her. I knew I shouldn't be doing this to her, but there was this ache inside of me and I didn't know what to do to ease it. The best way I knew how to fix it, was to throw it onto someone else.

Her eyes went wide for a moment and then she narrowed them at me. "We're just _fuck buddies,_ right? So what does it really matter? I _was_ going to tell you, but every time I went to, I felt like I was going to be sick. Do you honestly think your… _friendship_ means nothing to me like it does to you?"

I didn't know what it was, but there was just something about the way that Bella threw my shit back at me that I loved. Maybe it had to do with the fact that anytime there was some form of an argument with Emily, she'd just run off or tell me to adjust my attitude, just like she had earlier. It thrilled me, and to be honest, turned me on to see passion in Bella's eyes when she was calling me out.

I strode over to her, pulling her to me and wrapping my arms around her waist. I pressed my hard cock against her thigh. "Does this feel like it means _nothing_ to me, sugar?" I grinned when she gasped softly, her body instinctively pressing against me.

"I thought you wanted to _talk,_ Edward?" she said, glancing up at me. I bent down, capturing her lips with mine. I swiped her bottom lip with my tongue, dipping it inside when she opened for me. I groaned at the taste of her, grinding myself against her thigh and searching for any sort of friction. I felt her push lightly against my chest. I pulled back, looking at her.

"September 16th. That's when I leave," she whispered.

I nodded. "We got, what? About 2 months? There's a lot we can do in 2 months, sugar," I said, and with that I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder, chuckling at the shriek she let out.

"Where are you taking me?" she shouted, hitting at my back.

I tossed her down on my bed, watching as her tits bounced in the most glorious way. "I'm about to have you properly, sugar. In my _bed."_ I grinned, crawling onto the bed and hovering above her.

She bit her lip and looked up at me. "In the same bed that you share with her?" she whispered.

"Yeah, is that a problem, sugar?" I leaned down, kissing and sucking softly on her neck, listening as her breathing picked up.

"No, but it isn't strange for you?" She gasped when I bit down softly.

"Nope. I need the space to eat that pussy like I told you I would." I smirked at the loud groan that slipped from her lips.

I sat back on my heels and pulled her up with me so I could slowly slide her shirt up and off of her, leaving her in just her lacy white bra and denim skirt. "Take it off for me, sugar. I want to watch." I growled softly, watching as she reached behind her, unclasping her bra and letting it drop away from her.

I palmed my cock through my jeans, the sight in front of me almost more than I could take. All the nights that I laid here over the past few weeks, imagining her in the middle of my bed. I never wanted to forget this moment. "Baby, God, you look fucking amazing; you can say no, but fuck, I need a picture, baby."

She leaned back, stretching her arms above her head, arching her back slightly, and I swear I almost came in my pants like I was 15. This girl was not shy about her body, and I loved that. "Mm, go for it, you want the skirt on or off?" She looked over at me, and the lust in her eyes was overwhelming. It seemed that she really liked the idea of being caught on camera.

"Both?" I asked hopefully.

She nodded. "Just hurry up, I want to get to the good shit." She grinned, and I hopped off the bed to grab my phone.

I stood at the edge of the bed. "Turn your head to the side, as much as I want your beautiful face in these, if someone finds them…" She did as I asked, and I took a few shots with her lying on the bed, hands above her head. After that, I slid her skirt down. She had on a pair of panties that matched her bra, and I could see a small wet patch forming in the center of them. I had to get that shit on camera, too. I took a few more pictures before I threw my phone to the floor and climbed back on the bed, ripping her panties from her and sliding two of my fingers through her folds. I brought them up to my mouth, licking and sucking her juices off of them, which earned me a loud moan from her.

"Oh, that's going to taste even better from the source, sugar." I leaned down and swiped my tongue from the bottom to the top of her pussy, sucking her clit between my lips, making her call out, her back arching up off the bed. I slipped a finger inside of her, slowly pumping it in and out.

" _More,_ Edward, _please,"_ she whimpered, practically begging me. She reached down and ran her fingers through my hair, tugging slightly. I groaned against her, slipping a second finger inside her, pumping a little faster, running circles around her clit slowly with my tongue. I wanted nothing more than to feel her come around my fingers and against my face. I couldn't get enough of this, of her.

I picked up my pace just a little bit more, listening to her breathing pick up as she started chanting. "Oh God, oh God, please, _please,_ don't stop." I wrapped my lips around her clit again, sucking harder than before, when she all but screamed my name, back arching off the bed again as she came hard. I slid my fingers out of her slowly and sat back, staring at her. Her eyes were glazed over, her hair strewn all over my pillow. She really was breathtaking. I didn't know how I was ever going to just go back to my normal, everyday life when she left.

"Well, now I know what everyone is always talking about," she giggled softly and my eyebrows shot up.

"Baby! No one's ever done that for you?" I asked, grinning when she shook her head no. A feeling of pride washed over me that I was the first one to get a taste of her. Something she or I would never forget.

She ran her foot up my thigh, nudging my erection softly with her toes. "Your turn?" she smirked.

I stood up, quickly shedding my clothes. "As much as I want your lips around me, I want to fuck you more, baby, from behind. Turn over and get on your hands and knees," I told her, my voice dropping low. I watched as she complied and raised her ass for me. I gave her a soft smack and she moaned. I smirked at all these new things I was learning about her today.

"I'm going to apologize now, because this isn't going to be gentle, Bella," I said, lining myself up with her entrance and sliding in quickly. I moaned loudly at the feeling of being surrounded by her. "Fuck, I always forget how tight you are, baby," I breathed, sliding almost all the way out before pushing back in quickly, setting a relentless pace. Just listening to the moans, gasps, and pants that were coming from her were almost enough to finish me off, but when she called out my name and started to clench and spasm around my cock, that was all it took to set me off. I groaned loudly, spilling deep inside of her.

I fell to the side of her, landing on what would normally have been Emily's side, and pulled her against me, wrapping my arms around her, kissing her deeply. We laid there for a long while, before she wiggled out of my grasp, sitting up.

"I should probably get out of here, shouldn't I?" I could hear the sadness in her voice. I just nodded and laid on my side, watching her gather up her clothes and slip them back on. She grabbed my phone off the floor and tossed it to me. "You probably want to figure out what to do with those pictures, and let me know if you have time to see me on your birthday, okay?" She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. I knew that I was slowly breaking her, that this should be the last time we ever saw each other, but I was a selfish man.

I nodded. "I'll let you know, sugar. You want me to walk you out?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I'll… talk to you soon," she said as she walked away from me, and headed down the hall to let herself out.

I laid in the bed for a while longer after she left, the feeling of melancholy returning full force. I had to get this figured out before Emily really started to notice that I wasn't being myself. Before anything else, though, I had to wash these sheets, or else I wouldn't have to worry about her noticing. She'd just know.

oOo

Chapter 6 Songs:

The Trouble With Girls – Scotty McCreery

Lights,Camera,Action – New Kids On the Block

Bebe Rexha – Self Control


	8. Chapter 7

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta!

oOo

When I left on Sunday I felt empty. Just like all the times before I had to wonder what I was doing and why I was doing it. There were a million reasons for me to walk away from him. It seemed as though all I ever needed was one good reason to keep coming back; that one ambiguous thing he managed to give to me each time we were together. He wasn't gentle when we had sex, he never was, but that didn't matter to me. I enjoyed his rough hands and dirty words. In fact, I craved them. The reason he gave me this time was the feeling of his arms wrapped around me afterward. It was something that I had been longing for, since the very first time we kissed. Now that I knew what it felt like to be sated, curled up against him and listening to his heart beat in his chest, I was wrecked. I wasn't sure I would ever be the same again.

Early Wednesday morning I sent Edward a text wishing him a happy birthday, but by midafternoon, I still hadn't heard anything from him. When my mom came home early and asked if I wanted to go out for lunch, I jumped at the chance. I needed a way to get my mind off of him and the thought that I might not get to see him today.

We were sitting at the diner just chatting, having already ordered our food, when the front door opening caught my eye. I recognized that head of copper hair immediately. I watched as he walked in; his jeans and boots were covered in sawdust and dirt from work, and his dark blue t-shirt fit snug to his body and was tight against his biceps. I drew in a sharp breath and my mom turned around to follow my gaze, looking to see what had caught my attention. When she turned back around her eyes were wide, but she was grinning.

"Isabella! Is _that_ him? Good Lord, girl, that is a fine piece of man," my mom said with a raise of her eyebrows.

" _Mom!_ What would Dad say?" I exclaimed.

"Honey, I'm married, I'm not dead." She smirked.

I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head. "Could you try and not lust after him so blatantly, Mom?" I said, looking over at him again. This time his eyes met mine, and there was a look of… guilt? I wasn't sure what I would actually call it, but he was definitely uneasy. What made my heart ache so much worse was when he sat down on the stool at the counter, turning away from me and confirming exactly what I was to him. I would never be enough.

"Oh, he must have not seen you, go and say hi to him, honey!" my mom said, and there wasn't much that I could do besides get up and walk over to him. I couldn't exactly say, 'Oh, no, it's not that, Mom, I'm just his whore. That's all!'. So I stood from my seat, swallowing thickly, and I made my way over to him.

"Happy birthday, Edward," I said quietly as he whipped around in his seat to face me. I couldn't help but avert my eyes from him.

"Uh, thank you, Bella. Now go sit back down, we can't do this here," he whispered harshly, his eyes frantically moving around the room.

"Right, can't be seen with your _whore_.," I whispered back angrily and turned to walk away when he grabbed my wrist.

"Don't. Just fucking don't, you hear me? I'll text you later," he growled low so no one except me could hear. I wrenched my wrist from his grasp and nodded once, heading back to my table and sitting down in front of my mom.

She took one look at me, her eyes softening. "Is everything okay, honey?"

I took in a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, just a… misunderstanding we have to work out." I glanced over his way, and was shocked to see him looking back. I saw a flash of sadness in his eyes before he turned back to his cup of coffee. I wasn't sure I would ever understand him.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll work it out. Men say that we're hard to understand? I still don't get your father most days!" She smiled at me, putting her hand over mine.

I gave her a tight smile. "I'm sure we will," I said quietly. Not that it mattered anyway, I'd be leaving soon enough.

oOo

Around 10:30 at night, I got a text from him that said " _Come outside, please, sugar."_ I stared at my phone for a moment and sighed, then slipped on my flip flops and headed outside.

There, across the street, he was sitting inside the cab of his truck. I made my way over, opened the passenger side door and climbed in.

Immediately he pulled me to him, crushing me tightly to his chest. "Never. You are _never_ a whore. Please, sugar, _please_ don't ever think that of yourself," he breathed out.

That was all it took, and I was sobbing against his chest as he held me tightly.

"I'm always apologizing these days, but I will never be able to apologize enough for making you feel less then you are," he whispered in my hair.

"I hate that I love you so fucking much!" I blurted out through my tears.

"Oh God. No, Bella, no. No, sugar, you do _not_ love me." He pulled back from me, making me look up at him. "This isn't love," he whispered.

I stared up at him, tears running down my face. "Maybe it's not for you. But for me? I've loved you since that first day, Edward."

"You listen to me, Bella. You don't deserve someone like me, you deserve a man who can walk around with you and hold your hand and always kiss you goodnight. I can't give you what you need. I know you think you love me, but you don't. You _can't._ We can't do this anymore. I've been selfish with you for far too long. Go home, Bella, take my number out of your phone and forget that I ever existed," he told me.

" _Forget you ever existed?_ How, Edward? You've ruined me." I choked back a sob.

"You're going off to college soon. Do great things, Bella," he said, kissing me softly on the lips for what I assumed was the very last time. Then he leaned across me and opened up my door.

"Go, sugar," he whispered, his voice breaking. I turned away from him and hopped out of the truck.

I stood in my driveway, watching and waiting until his headlights came on and he drove off. I walked back into my house, feeling more empty inside than I had ever felt in my entire life.

"Bella? Is that you?" I heard my mom call out.

"Yeah, it's me," I said while trying to hide the pain in my voice.

My mom came around the corner and stopped in front of me. She took one look at my face and wrapped her arms around me, and I broke down sobbing. She held me for what felt like hours, until my tears finally stopped.

"What aren't you telling me, Isabella?" She pulled back, her hands on my shoulders as she stared straight in my eyes.

I couldn't keep it from her any longer. I told her everything, well, mainly everything. She didn't need all of the gory details, but I told her about how I knew he was married from the start, but I had never planned to come on to him. I told her how he kissed me that first time and I swore my entire world stopped. I told her how he had just broken my heart, and how I was so in love with him.

She brushed some strays hairs out of my eyes. "Oh, Bella, what have you gotten yourself into?" She sighed heavily.

A fresh round of tears started to spill from eyes. "I'm sorry, Mom, I never meant—"

"Hush, Bella. I'm by no means saying that anything that you or he did was right, because it wasn't, but do you really love him?" she asked and I nodded.

"Give it a little time, people can surprise you sometimes. But Bella? Not too much time, you have to be ready for the fact that he really may never choose you. And if that's the case, baby? He really isn't worth your time, and you _will_ find someone who is." She pulled me close to her, hugging me tightly.

oOo

Saturday afternoon I found myself at the beach. I knew it was pointless, I knew he wouldn't be there. I sat in our spot, hugging my knees to my chest watching the waves crash on the shore. I didn't know how I was supposed to do this. He wanted me to forget him, but how could I when everywhere I looked, all I saw was him.

I'd been sitting there all afternoon, and when I checked my phone it was about 3:30. I stood up, finally deciding to head home, when I heard a familiar voice call out, "Bella!"

I turned and looked to see Jake headed toward me. "Oh, hey, Jake. What are you doing here?"

"Uh, well, your mom might have called my mom, who told me that you were feeling kind of crappy and could use a friend?" He shrugged his shoulders, looking at me sheepishly.

I sighed. "I guess I could actually use a friend. _Just_ a friend, though, you got that, Jake?" I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

He raised his hands in defense. "I get it, I get it. Mom said you had kind of a messy break up?"

I nodded. "You could call it that, I guess."

"You want to talk about it?" he asked.

I sighed heavily. "No, not really. I don't feel like crying anymore. Do you want to go get something to eat?" I asked, changing the subject. I knew he'd say yes; Jake was always hungry.

He grinned. "Yeah, sure, let's go," he said, taking my hand and pulling me up toward where our cars were parked.

oOo

I tried as hard as I could to forget him. I threw myself into packing my things, I hung out with Jake more often, along with the few girlfriends that I had, but no matter what I did, I just couldn't shake him. Week after week I continued to go to the beach, just holding out hope that he would be there, but of course he never was.

oOo

It was saturday, September 1st, 2 weeks before I left. I sat there on the beach just staring out into the ocean like I normally did, when it hit me. I had to know if there was ever going to be a chance that he would choose me. I was probably setting myself up for even more heartache, but before I could truly move on, I just had to find out.

oOo

Chapter 7 Songs:

If I Were a Boy – Beyoncé

Is There Somewhere – Halsey


	9. Chapter 8

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta, I've also recently acquired Sara aka Nikki Black as a pre-reader. I value both of these ladies tremendously, and don't know what I would do without either of them!

 **A/N: So, as a lot of you guessed, we're back to where the prologue takes place. Enjoy!**

oOo

 **EPOV:**

I tried to tell myself over and over that I didn't love her, that I couldn't love her. I was _married_ for fuck's sake, and even if I wasn't, even if I decided to end everything with Emily, it didn't matter. Bella was leaving for college, and I wasn't going to hold her back.

It had been 2 months since I had seen her face to face. I knew she still went to be the beach and waited for me. I went, too, but I kept my distance because I couldn't let her know. Sometimes I would see her sitting there with Jake, and they just looked… _right_ , no matter how wrong it felt. If she'd let him, he could be out in the open with her, hold her hand, kiss her lips, with anyone watching; all the things I could never do.

It was September 1st, which meant in just about 2 weeks, I wouldn't even be able to see her from a distance.

I had been doing my best for the last 2 months to keep on a good face for Emily, and most of the time it worked. I knew there were moments where she could tell that something was up, but she couldn't put her finger on it. I'm sure she assumed it was just me sulking over not being able to open my shop, or something going on at work. As the weeks went on, we spoke a little less than we ever had before, and it wasn't just on my end. She seemed less interested in telling me about her day, and I didn't really try and pry it out of her. Our sex life was also almost non-existent now; I just didn't have the desire, and she didn't seem to care.

My marriage was falling apart at the seams, and I'd let go of the woman I was probably in love with. Empty wasn't a strong enough word for what I felt.

oOo

It was late afternoon by the time I finally got dressed and headed out to the garage. I had been working on a table for Jasper's now-fiancée, Alice, whenever I got the chance, and I was hoping to be done with it today and to get started on another project. Now more than ever did I need the distraction. It was more than just a hobby these days, it was a way to ease the ache.

I had been working for a while when I thought I heard someone pull into the driveway. I figured it was just Emily and that I would wrap up what I was doing quickly; I didn't need to give her a reason to bitch at me.

A few moments later, though, I thought I was dreaming, that what I was seeing wasn't possible.

There, standing in front of me like I had taught her to do, was Bella. She was a sight for sore eyes. All I wanted was to grab her, to hold her against me. I wanted to feel her soft curves and smell the flowery scent of her shampoo, but I couldn't, I wouldn't allow myself to do that to her, to give her false hope again.

Instead, I threw all the anger and hurt that had been in my heart lately at her.

I flipped the switch on my saw. " _Bella_ , what the _hell_ are you doing here? She could have been home, for fuck's sake!" I spat at her.

"I drove by, her car was gone and I saw you in the garage, so I knew she wouldn't be back for a while." She shrugged.

God, it was hot in here. I swore it hadn't been this hot in here just a few moments ago. I wiped the sweat dripping down my face with my hand and glared at her. "Why are you here? I don't remember telling you it was okay to just stop by, _ever_."

She sighed and looked at me, taking a step closer. All I wanted to do was turn and run. Run from her, run to her, I didn't know which urge was stronger. In the end, I knew I needed to protect her from me, and to protect myself from me as well. I had already broken us both enough.

"I'm sorry, I know you never told me I could just stop by, but I've had this question running through my mind," she said, her eyes glancing around the small space, stopping for a moment on my workbench. I had never looked at that spot the same way after that day.

"Well, just spit it out then," I barked at her, my voice laced with more venom then I wanted. I had a feeling that neither of us would be leaving this garage unscathed this afternoon.

She huffed at me, her eyes narrowing just slightly. I had missed how fiesty and headstrong she could be sometimes. It was one of the things I liked most about her.

"What if we tried to have a normal relationship, what if you told her you wanted to seperate? We could try actually dating and—" she started, but I couldn't let her finish. She wanted to _date_ me? It wasn't possible. I was here in Coos Bay, and she was heading to college in Eugene. Oh, and the little fact that I was in a marriage that I wasn't even sure I wanted to be part of any longer.

No matter what I might have wanted, it would never work. It would be weekend visits, that would turn into sometimes visits, and then just holidays. She deserved a full life and to really experience the world that was out there, not a half-assed relationship. I had made my decision, no matter how much it shattered my heart.

"Oh, Bella, but what if I don't _want_ normal?" I said, smirking, and doing my best to push her away.

"You don't want normal? What does that even mean, Edward?" she questioned.

"What it means, _sugar,_ is that everything we did? It was fun at the time, but now it's _over._ I've already got my normal. You were just there to break that up, don't you get it? You were a great fuck, though. I'll give you that. Now go. I don't know when my _wife_ will be back, but I don't want her catching you here."

"Fuck you, Edward," were the last words I heard her say before she turned and ran out of the garage.

I stood there for a moment just taking everything in, and realizing all that had just transpired. I had just torn down and broken the one woman who would have stood by my side no matter what, who loved me, who believed in me regardless of the asshole I truly was.

I picked up the hammer that was laying there on my workbench and with all of the hurt and rage that had been building up inside of me, I let out a loud yell as I threw it as hard as I could through the window, the glass shattering and breaking just like my heart.

I slumped down onto the floor and held my head in my hands as a sob burst forth. I sat there in that little garage for what felt like an eternity, letting myself for once actually feel all of the pain and emotions that I had been keeping tucked deep inside since the first day I'd kissed her. There was no doubt about it, I loved Isabella Swan with all of my heart, body, mind, and soul, and she would never be mine.

oOo

I was just sweeping up the rest of the glass and all the other messes that I had made throughout the day when Emily pulled into the driveway and immediately made her way into the garage.

"What the _fuck_ happened to the window, Edward!" she exclaimed loudly.

"Don't start, Emily." I glared at her.

"Don't tell me not to start, Edward! I don't get you lately! We hardly talk, you're always in a crap mood, and I can't fucking stand it anymore. What the hell has gotten into you?" she yelled.

"It's nothing, alright? Just fucking let me be." I sighed, feeling exasperated.

"Don't tell me it's nothing! Is this about the shop again? I can't believe you'd break a window over—"

"I cheated on you. I've been cheating on you for weeks. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, Emily. I'm going to go pack a bag and head over to Jasper's. I… I'm just sorry," I breathed out, and turned to walk into the house, leaving her standing there.

As I was packing my bag, I heard her come up behind me. "Who is she?" she asked and I could tell she had been crying. I truly had never wanted to hurt her, but in the end, it just wasn't possible not to.

"I'm not telling you that." I sighed heavily.

"Are you in love with her? Is she why you didn't want to have a baby with me?" she continued with her questions.

I turned around to face her. "Yes, I love her, but we're done. As for the reason I don't want a baby? It was never that I didn't _want_ a baby, Emily, it was the fact that I just wanted to do something for _me_ , just once. I have spent _years_ working for everyone else, and to help provide for us. I wanted your support to open my own shop, it wouldn't have been forever, just a year or two while I got it off the ground. But instead? You told me it was ridiculous, that it would be impossible for me to be successful. That had _nothing_ to do with anyone else, except for you." I zipped up my bag and walked towards the door, Emily following behind me.

"I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I've always loved you, but I've come to realize that I'm just not _in love_ with you anymore. I'm pretty sure if you take the time, you'll see that you've felt the same way for a while now, too," I said, walking out the door. I'd call Jasper on my way.

oOo

Chapter 8 Songs:

Beautiful Day for Goodbye – George Strait

Bed of Lies – Matchbox Twenty


	10. Chapter 9

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading! You both help me make this so much better!

oOo

I had been driving around for a while when I finally pulled out my phone, pressing the speed dial to call Jasper. It rang for a few moments before his voice came through my speakers loudly.

"Hey, man! What's going on?" Jasper said happily.

"I told her, Jas. I told her everything," I said, not bothering to even say 'Hello'.

"You told _who,_ what, Edward? Oh shit, you told _Emily_ about Bella?" His voice was laced with concern.

"Bella came by, and we… fought or whatever you want to fucking call it, and then Emily came home and we fought, and I just couldn't take it anymore. Can I come stay with you for a while, man?"

"There's more to this than you're telling me, Ed. But, yeah, you can crash here," he said.

"Thanks man, I'll be by in a bit," I said as I hung up. At least I still had my best friend, and a place to sleep.

oOo

I pulled up in front of Jasper's house about a half hour later. I jumped down out of my truck, dragging myself and my bag up the steps of his porch. I felt like I had been run over repeatedly. The sad part of it was, though, I wasn't even that heartbroken over my marriage. I felt bad that I had hurt Emily, but when I thought it over, it was a long time coming. What really was killing me was Bella and the pain I knew I had caused her, and the thought of never seeing her again.

I knocked on the door and it almost instantly swung open.

"You look like like a fucking train wreck, man," Jasper greeted me.

"Thanks. You're looking good there yourself, princess." I glared and walked past him into the house.

"So, are you going to tell me the whole story now, or did you want to just chill out for a bit?" he asked, following behind me.

"Fuck it, I'll just tell you now. It's not going to get any easier if I tell you later," I said with a sigh and threw myself down on his leather couch. I then spent the good part of the next hour telling him everything, including almost all of the gory details. I knew that it wasn't polite to kiss and tell, but I had to get it all off my chest and I knew anything I said to Jasper would go to his grave with him.

"Oh fuck, I can't believe… she actually let you take _pictures?_ Christ. Do you still have them?" he asked with a shit-eating grin.

"Of course I do, but you can go fuck yourself before I'd ever show you or anyone else on this fucking planet."

He raised his hands in defense. "Calm down, man, I'm not asking to see them. But seriously, you've gotten yourself into some shit, what are you going to do now?"

"Fuck if I know," I said, leaning my head back and closing my eyes.

"Well, you can stay here for as long as you need; I know you'd do it for me," he said, clapping me on the shoulder and glancing down at my phone on the couch next to me before he left me to get settled in for the night. I needed to make sure that I changed the password on that thing and didn't let it out of my sight.

oOo

I had been at Jasper's for two weeks when I was served with divorce papers. It seemed as if Emily wasn't wasting any time, not that I blamed her. I read over the papers, agreeing to the terms: she'd keep the house, the truck was mine, all of my tools and such were mine, things like that. I knew I should probably have a lawyer look it all over, but I just didn't care. So I signed the papers and mailed them in. Thankfully in Oregon it took almost no time to get divorced as long as neither person contested anything, so in a few weeks, I'd be a free man. Not that it fucking mattered, though.

It wasn't like I hadn't expected it to happen, and if I was being honest, there was a part of me that was kind of relieved. The other part of me, well, I felt as if I had just wasted 10 years of my life, and I found myself wondering what could have been if this had happened just a few months sooner.

I had been convinced that I had loved Emily, and I was sure that at one point it had been true, but somewhere over the past 10 years something had changed drastically and I had just been too scared to admit it. It wasn't until I met Bella that I had begun to let myself see that Emily and I just didn't _fit_ anymore.

I sighed deeply as thoughts of Bella flooded my mind. I tried as hard as I could most days to stay busy and not think about her. By now she was a hundred miles away starting a new life, and hopefully she was finding it easier to move on than I was.

Somehow, even when it felt like the days just dragged, time still flew by, and now we were in the middle of November. I was dreading Thanksgiving with my family; my divorce was just another reason for them to look down on me.

There was no getting around the fact that I was the black sheep of the family. Instead of going to college to be a doctor, a lawyer, or really any other career that needed a degree, I had chosen to work with my hands. It was something that I loved, something that I had pride in. I also knew that it didn't make me any less smart than someone with a piece of paper with their name on it. The foundations and frames of peoples homes rested in my hands, so if I made mistakes, if I did just one thing wrong, everything would come crashing down. I was as meticulous as any surgeon was, but my parents and my sister just didn't see it that way. They never would.

I couldn't even imagine what they would think or say if they knew the real reason as to why Emily and I were no longer together. If they knew that I cheated on her, especially _who_ I had cheated on her with, I wasn't sure that they wouldn't disown me on the spot.

Thinking about my family and how they'd react if I told them the truth, just led to me think about Bella. God, did I miss that girl.

Somedays it felt like the ache in my heart lessened, that maybe I would survive this whole thing, but most other days I still felt as if I had been beaten within an inch of my life. I knew I had no one else to blame but myself. I could have manned up, taken a look at my marriage and realized that I simply wasn't happy, that we could never be truly happy _together._ If I could have just waited, held off on doing anything with Bella, maybe we could have… I shook my head, trying to break myself from my thoughts. It was no use. Regardless of the timing, I still would have never stopped her from leaving. She was going to do amazing things in this world.

oOo

I had just gotten back into town from a 3 hour drive home from Salem where I had spent Thanksgiving with my family, receiving backhanded compliments and snarky remarks from my sister Victoria and my mother. My favorite part of the visit, however, was when my father 'jokingly' asked if Emily left because 'she finally realized that this was as good as I was going to get.' So on my way back to Jasper's place, I decided to stop at Safeway to pick up a case of beer. If anyone deserved to drink themselves into a stupor right now, it was me.

I was standing in line waiting for my turn to pay when a voice that I had only heard one time caught my attention. Standing just a few feet away from me was Bella's mother. I tried as hard as I could not to eavesdrop, but in the end I couldn't bring myself not to.

"So, how is Bella doing up in Eugene, is she liking school?" the woman standing next to her questioned.

"She's doing really well. She's enjoying all of her classes. Oh, and I just recently found out when she was home for Thanksgiving that she's started seeing someone! Garrett, I think she said his name was." She shot a pointed look towards me, knowing exactly who and what I was to her daughter. I hadn't even realized I had been staring.

"Sir? Can I help you?" I heard the cashier call to me, knocking me out of my daze.

"Oh, yeah, right," I said as I placed the case of beer on the counter and threw a wad of bills at her. I had to get out of there as quickly as I could.

I made my way back to my truck, slamming the door shut and throwing my head back against the seat. Bella was happy. Bella was _dating._ I had wanted that for her, I wanted her to go off and have every experience a normal college student should have. That didn't mean that my heart wasn't shattering all over again. It hurt so much I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I would never be able to breathe again because she was the air I needed.

I took a deep, shaky breath, realizing that I had a choice to make. I could let her carry on with _Garrett,_ or I could be selfish and drive the 2 hours up to Eugene, bare my soul to her, tell her that every word I said to her in that garage was a lie and that I was insanely in love with her. Of course, that was if she would even speak to me, which if she was smart, she wouldn't.

But before I made any decisions on what I was going to do, I was going home and drowning all of my feelings in the case of beer I'd just bought.

oOo

Chapter 9 Songs:

Please Remember Me – Scotty McCreery

Goodbye Back – Justin Moore


	11. Chapter 10

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

A/N: So I am posting a day early, and I will probably post again tomorrow as well. I've been having a terrible week, and a few personal issues. I just wanted to do something to keep my mind off of it all, and I always love reading all of your reviews!

oOo

EPOV:

I slowly opened my eyes, only to be met with a pair of blue ones directly in my face.

"What the hell are you doing, Alice?" I grumbled.

"Oh, I'm just trying to figure out why not one, but _two_ different women would want you," she said with a shrug.

" _Jasper!_ " I called. "Come and get your crazy girl out of my face!"

"Aw, leave him alone, Alice. He obviously had a tough night," he said, gesturing to the beer cans littered all over the floor.

"Sorry, man, I'll clean up in a minute," I said with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah, you will," Alice said, patting me on the cheek before leaving the room. I watched as Jasper followed her out of the room with his eyes.

When she was gone he turned to me. "So, are you going to tell me what caused you to go on a drunken bender, or should I just start guessing?" he asked.

I threw my head back and groaned loudly, immediately regretting the decision to move my head so quickly. "Yeah, so, after I got back from seeing my family, which I might add was a complete shit fest, I decided I deserved a beer. I had no intentions of drinking the whole thing. That was until I overheard _Bella's mom_ saying that Bella is dating someone."

"Okay… isn't that exactly why you broke her heart, though? So that she'd move on?" he questioned.

"It is. But the reality of it… it's too much, Jas. I don't know that I can live without her," I told him.

That was one thing I had learned through all of this; my love for Emily had never been all consuming. I had never _needed_ her like I needed Bella. I had loved her, I had enjoyed her company, but without her I could still go on. Without Bella, I felt like there was a hole in my chest, and no matter what I did it just continued to bleed out.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" He quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Are you saying that I _should_ do something about it?" I narrowed my eyes at him in confusion.

He sighed, clapping me on the shoulder. "Ed, in the, what, 6 years that I've known you, I have never seen you this down and out about _anything._ Look, I'm not going to say what you did is alright, because it's _not._ But in the end, it helped you to see that Emily just wasn't who you were truly meant to be with. So, if this Bella is who you need, then hell yes, you need to go and get her. Fuck, if you're worried about long distance, which by the way, it's really not _that_ far, just move to fucking Eugene. What the hell is keeping you here?"

My eyes widened at his words because he was right. There was _nothing_ keeping me here. I had enough vacation and sick time saved up that I could be gone for a few weeks while I tried to get her to even look my way. And if everything went how I hoped it would, I'd just plant my ass in Eugene and never let her go again.

oOo

I sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I shoved the rest of my clothes into my bag, zipping it up quickly.

"It's going to be fine, Edward," I heard Alice say behind me.

"Yeah? How do you know that? Chances are she's not even going to look at me. You can't imagine the things I said to her."

"I'm not saying that you won't have your work cut out for you. What I _am_ saying is that it's going to be fine. Tell her the _truth._ If she actually loves you like she said she did, then you have to believe that it'll work out," she said, reaching up on her tiptoes to give me a kiss on the cheek. "You're not a bad guy, Edward, I think you just got lost along the way." With that, she turned and headed down the hallway.

Once she was gone, Jasper clapped me on the back. "She's right, man. You've got a lot of work ahead of you, but… it's going to be okay," he said with a shrug. "Oh, and don't forget, when all else fails, _grovel on your fucking knees."_ He winked.

I nodded. "Thanks for everything, Jas, I hope… well, honestly, I hope I don't see you for a while," I said with a laugh.

"Me too, man, me too," he said. I headed out to my truck, praying like I had never prayed before that Bella, my _sugar,_ would even hear me out for a moment.

oOo

I knew the name of her dorm, but not her room number. Not that it would have mattered since I couldn't get into the building without a key. I also didn't want to freak out every person that walked in or out of the door by asking if any of them knew Bella, so I resigned myself to sitting and waiting.

After what had to have been at least 3 hours of just sitting, I saw her. She was walking toward her building with a tall blonde girl, and a guy who I assumed was Garrett had his arm slung around her shoulders. He was tall with dark brown hair, and they just looked… _right_ together. There was part of me that knew I should get up off that bench, head back to my truck, and leave her the hell alone.

However, I was still a selfish man.

I took a deep breath and called out, _"Bella!_ "

All three of them looked over at me, but her reaction was the only one I saw. Her eyes widened at the sight of me and then narrowed angrily.

"Rose, Garrett, go inside. I'll be right up, okay?" she said, turning to them.

"Baby, are you sure—" Garrett started, but she cut him off.

"Garrett, please just do as I ask. I'll be fine, okay?" she said, dismissing him. When he walked passed me, the glare he gave me was fierce. I just smirked in return.

I took a step toward her, but she held out her hand to stop me. "What the _fuck_ are you doing here, Edward?" she growled.

"I just I needed to talk to you, I need to tell you that—" I began, but she cut me off.

"Don't you think the last time I saw you, you said enough for a lifetime? I don't know what else you could have to say, but you made it clear, Edward. We're done, we've _been_ done for months!" she shouted at me before she walked toward her door.

" _I lied,"_ I yelled before she could walk through the door. "Everything I said was a lie. I love you; fuck, I _need you!"_

"You always were a good liar, Edward," she said, and then she was gone.

oOo

I'd had two scenarios in my head before I saw her. The first one was my favorite: she would see me and run into my arms as if nothing had happened. She would listen to everything I had to tell her, and she'd forgive me instantly. It was a delusional fantasy.

The second scenario, well, it was basically what had happened. She'd see me and she'd want nothing to do with me. She wouldn't even give me the chance to explain.

I flopped down onto the cheap motel bed, feeling defeated. I didn't know what to do. There was a chance that she'd _never_ listen to me. I typed out a quick text to Jasper, just letting him know how the day had turned out. It was a few moments later when I received a text back.

" _Grovel on your fucking knees, and don't give up!"_ was his reply.

He was right. I couldn't give up, I wouldn't give up. If nothing came out of this, I at least needed to get her to hear me out. I needed her to know that I never truly meant the words that I had spewed at her in that garage. I needed her to know that I loved her, and if after all of that she wanted nothing to do with me, I'd leave and let her be. As much as that thought broke my heart.

oOo

The next day, the day after that, and basically the entire week, went the same. I'd wait outside her building for her, and everyday she'd glance at me and keep walking.

It wasn't until the middle of the next week that she stopped in front of me, hands on her hips and fire in her eyes.

"Are you _ever_ going to leave?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Once you hear me out, and then if you tell me to go, I'll go."

She sighed heavily. "I have class right now, but I can meet you at the coffee shop around the corner at 2."

I nodded. "I'll be there," I promised.

I slumped back against the building, thankful that she would at least finally listen to what I had to say.

oOo

Chapter 10 Songs:

When I Was Your Man – Bruno Mars

Hanson – Get the Girl Back

**Nikki Reed is in the video for 'Get the Girl Back'!


	12. Chapter 11

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

I stood outside the coffee shop just staring through the window at the mess of copper hair on his head. I had always known when I went home for break that there would be the chance of running into him, but I had never expected him to show up at school! I had finally felt my heart beginning to heal, and he had to fucking show up here and shatter it all over again! I had spent _weeks_ crying myself to sleep after that day in his garage where he laid the truth out for me. I had never meant anything to him, and now he was here yelling and proclaiming that he lied, that he needed me, that he _loved me!_ How was I supposed to believe anything he said?

I took a deep breath, squaring my shoulders. It had only been a few months, but I needed him to see that I wasn't the same girl that he had known. Sweet words and half promises couldn't win me over this time. It was now or never.

I walked in and sat down across from him, my heart immediately betraying me by picking up its pace as soon as his green eyes glanced at me. Still, I held strong and hoped that the war going on inside of me wasn't visible on my face.

"Bella," he breathed out.

"Edward," I said coolly.

"You're just as beautiful as the last time I saw you, sugar," he said quietly

" _Don't you dare call me that,"_ I whispered harshly, not wanting to make a scene. "You wanted to talk to me, well, here I am. Talk."

He exhaled sharply and nodded. "I left my wife." he blurted out.

"Well, good for you. So are you here because you're not getting it on the regular anymore, and you thought I'd be an easy target? There's plenty of fresh meat for you out there," I said, gesturing toward the window.

" _No,_ Bella, I— _fuck!"_ he exclaimed loudly, causing a few heads to turn in our direction. "I fucked everything up. I should have never been with you, I never should have—"

"If you're just here to tell me _again_ that I'm not good enough for you, you can get the hell out of here right now," I said through clenched teeth. Apparently, I still had a lot of pent up anger and hurt.

"Shit, I can't even apologize right. Bella, what I'm trying to say is that I should have never let my feelings for you—and I did, _do_ , have feelings for you—overrule my brain. I should have been a better man, and realized that my marriage wasn't working before I ever started _anything_ with you. I should have taken care of that first," he said.

I shook my head. "You weren't the only one there, Edward. For that, I'll take part of the blame. It's not as if I didn't know what we were doing. But everything you said to me that day when I came by—"

At that point he dropped his head into his hands, and when he looked up at me his eyes were watery with unshed tears. "Everything I said that day was a lie. You came, and you asked me if I could leave my wife, if we could date, and all I saw was you throwing your life away for me. I'm not worth that, Bella. You deserve so much better than me, but I'm selfish and I don't know how to live without you. I love you. I think I've loved you since that first time I kissed you on the beach, but I was just too stupid and stubborn to realize it. I want to… I want to try with you, Bella. What was it you said? A normal relationship? I want that."

I stared at him for a few moments. "This is a lot to take in, Edward. You can't really expect me to just forget everything that you said and that we'll just live happily ever after now. I need time," I said as I stood from my chair, him following suit.

It was when I started to walk away that he dropped down onto his knees in the middle of the coffee shop. "Please, Bella, I'll do _anything,"_ he begged.

"Oh my God, get up off the floor!" I shrieked, feeling my cheeks flame.

He stood up, looking me straight in the eyes. "Please, just let me try, let me show you—"

I put my hand out to stop him. "Friends. We can try to be friends."

He grinned the most brilliant grin I had ever seen, and I couldn't help smiling in return. "I'll take whatever you'll give me. Can I walk you back to your building?" he asked.

I sighed and nodded. "Fine. You can walk me back," I told him as we headed out into the cold.

oOo

After walking in silence for a while, we stopped in front of the door to my building. "So, when can I see you again?" he asked quietly.

"Well, I mean, I have finals and stuff coming up, and then I'll be back home for a few weeks. Which reminds me, how is it that you've been able to just… hang outside my door for weeks? What happened to your job?"

"Oh, I took all of my vacation time that I had saved up," he said with a shrug.

My eyes widened at his confession. " _All_ of it?"

He nodded. "I wasn't going home until you heard me out, and I figured it might be a while." He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, causing me to shiver. He smirked at my reaction.

I frowned at the gesture. "Please don't," I whispered. I wasn't ready to feel his touch.

"Sorry." He said it quietly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "You never actually answered my question, Bella."

"I think it'd be best if you went home for now, Edward. Like I said, I have finals, and then maybe when I'm back in town we can get together." The last thing I honestly wanted was for him to go, and I hated feeling that way. I hated that my heart still fluttered when he called me sugar, and most of all, I hated that I felt weak against him. What did it say about me as a person if I was so willing to just forgive him?

"I don't want to leave, but I will. I was serious before sug—Bella, I'll do anything to keep you in my life. Good luck on your finals, and please get home safely," he said, smiling at me softly before he turned and started to walk away from me.

" _Edward!"_ I called out to him against my better judgment. He turned around and looked at me quizzically. "I missed you," I said almost too quietly for him to hear.

"I missed you too, Bella, more than you'll ever know," he said, and this time when he started down the path I let him go.

oOo

The weeks before finals felt like they just dragged on and on. I knew it was because I was anticipating going home and the fact that I would see Edward again. I was looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time. He seemed different when he was here, but he had been able to lie to me so easily before that I didn't know what to believe.

While I was standing in my room checking my makeup there was a knock at the door. When I opened it I found Garrett standing there.

"Oh hey! Come in!" I told him, standing aside.

"Hey. So I was hoping we could talk really quick?" he said, taking a seat on my bed.

"Oh, uh, sure. I have a final in about an hour—" I started.

"Don't worry, I won't take long. It's just that you've been a little distant lately and—"

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just with finals and—"

"And Edward," he said sadly. "Yeah, I know. I just, I think we need to take a little break while we're both at home."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you're probably right," I said quietly.

"That's all I really came to say. I know you're busy so I'm going to get out of here." He stood up, pulling me into a hug. "Make sure he treats you right, Bella. You're an amazing girl." He kissed me on the cheek and let himself out, the door clicking closed softly behind him.

Essentially, he had just broken up with me. I should have felt sad over that fact, but I didn't. Garrett was a great guy, but he wasn't the one I wanted. I wanted Edward, but I didn't know how to let myself trust him again, or if I ever could.

oOo

Chapter 11 Songs:

It Wil Rain – Bruno Mars

Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis


	13. Chapter 12

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

A/N: So, I just wanted to apologize for not getting back to all of your reviews. I've been trying to read them, but life has gotten a little rough at the moment. I appreciate every last one of you for reading and reviewing. Thanks for sticking with me!

oOo

I had been home for a week, and I had yet to hear from Edward. I was starting to wonder if he had just shown up at school to turn my world upside down and to make sure that no other guy would ever be able to have to me. He told me that he'd left his wife, but were they just separated, or were they divorced? I had so many questions that I still needed answers to, but I wasn't about to make the first move.

I was sitting in the living room watching reruns of Keeping Up with the Kardashians when my dad walked in.

"You know, I never thought I'd say it, but I really did miss hearing this mindless crap while you were away, Bells," he said as he sat down next to me.

I laughed. "I know you've been dying to know what Kim has been up to, Daddy."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Not really, but I have been dying to know what _you've_ been up to, kid."

"Smooth transition, Dad. Classes, writing papers, and hanging out with Rose when I had time. That's what I've been up to." I sighed.

"I noticed you left Garrett out of that."

I shrugged my shoulders. "We broke up."

He pulled me in to his side, holding me against him like he used to when I was a little girl. I laid my head on his shoulder. "Do I need to have a word with him?" he asked.

I sighed and shook my head. "No, it was a mutual thing. It's just a little… complicated."

"Does it have anything to do with Edward?" he asked, laughing at the look of shock on my face.

"I, uh, what? How do you know…"

"Your mother and I do talk occasionally, Isabella." He smirked at me.

"Wait, did she…" I was starting to panic. I didn't think my mom would tell him _everything,_ or that he would be so calm if she had, but I still had to know.

He sighed heavily. "You look like a deer caught in headlights. Stop panicking. I just know his name and how old he is, all the little secrets you and your mom have are safe. He's a lot older than you, though, Bells."

"Don't even start, Dad. There's a pretty decent age gap between you and Mom."

"Look, you're 19, and I know I couldn't stop you, even if I tried. I just don't want you to get hurt."

I nodded and turned back to the TV, ending the conversation. If only he knew how much Edward already had hurt me.

oOo

It was 2 days before Christmas when Edward finally texted me. " _Can I see you today?"_ he wrote.

I stared at my phone in hesitation. I wanted to see him, but I was afraid to. It would be so easy to just fall into his arms again, to look into his eyes and just forget everything. I knew I had to be stronger than that. If I ever wanted a future with him, which I was still unsure about, we had to go slowly this time. There needed to be no secrets, or anything else between us before we could move forward.

I finally texted back. " _Okay. Where?"_

Were we still going to meet in secret? Was I still going to be the girl he couldn't be seen with?

He texted back quickly. " _Want to have lunch? Pizza at Abby's?"_

Well, that answered one question, at least. Edward Cullen was no longer hiding me.

oOo

I pulled into the parking lot of Abby's and immediately spotted his truck, noticing that no one was in it. He was probably waiting inside for me. I stared at the behemoth of a truck for a moment, remembering all of the dirty things we had said and done in it. My mind suddenly drifted to a different, much less happy memory of the night where we sat in the front seat and he told me he couldn't see me anymore, that I couldn't love him and that he couldn't love me. Even after all these months, my heart still ached when I thought about it.

I shook my head, trying to clear my mind of the unpleasant thoughts. If I ever wanted to move forward, I had to stop letting myself slip into the past.

I walked into the restaurant and stopped in my tracks, taking in the scene playing out before me. Edward was sitting at a table, smiling and chatting with the waitress. She was tall and lean, with dark blonde hair, and she was everything I wasn't. I couldn't see her face, but I imagined it was probably just as attractive as her body was. I glanced down at myself quickly, suddenly feeling unsure and insecure about myself. I hadn't felt that way about my body in years. If I were in a serious relationship with him, would his eyes constantly stray from me, noticing thinner, more well-toned bodies? Would he get tired of my curves, and would his body one day follow his eyes to another woman? If his wife of ten years hadn't been enough for him, why would I be?

His eyes finally landed on me, and the grin on his face when he saw me was breathtaking. I took a deep breath, pushing my insecurities to the back of my mind. I needed to fully hear him out, to ask him questions and listen to his answers, and to see if I could learn to trust him before I started to punish him for straying from me in my imagination.

"Hey, I hope you haven't been waiting long," I said as I took the seat across from him.

He shook his head, grin still plastered to his face. "No, just long enough to put in an order. Plain cheese and Diet Coke, right?"

I was honestly surprised that he remembered two of my favorite things. "Right," I said, smiling at the look of relief on his face from knowing that he had gotten it right.

"Can I ask you something?" I said to him. I figured there was no time like the present to start this conversation.

"You can ask me anything," he replied, and I could tell he truly meant it.

"You said that you left your wife, but, are you just separated? Are you divorced? Before I sit here and have lunch and spend time with you, I have to know. I can't just be on the side again."

He nodded. "Fair enough question. But, I have to ask, you said _again_ , does that mean…?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Right now, it just means that if there is going to be anything between us, aside from being friends, I refuse to come second to anyone. I won't be a secret anymore. Will you answer my question, please?"

"I've been divorced since the end of October," he said as our pizza was placed down in front of us.

I stared at him, confusion written all over my face, I was sure. "How is that possible, when I saw you before I left, you were—"

"Emily came home that afternoon, and I was wrecked. I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of living a lie with her, and it just sort of came out that I had been cheating on her." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It had been a long time since I had been _in love_ with her, I was just too blind to see it. And then you came along, and all of a sudden I had all these feelings that I didn't know how to deal with and… well, I suppose you know the rest. God, I was so horrible to you, Bella. I don't even know why you're sitting here with me, but if you give me another chance, I promise it'll be different. You're the only one I want."

"You're right. You were horrible to me, but I just kept coming back for more, because when you weren't a complete asshole, I loved being with you. Look, I'm here because I want to _try._ I'm not making any promises, but maybe we can go on a few dates, or just hang out and see how it goes. I honestly don't know if you'll find me as attractive or as exciting without the thrill of getting caught, so—" I started to say when he jumped in.

"It has nothing to do with the _thrill of getting caught,_ Bella!"

I sighed. "You say that now, but, honestly, we don't know everything about each other. There might be things that I do that drive you crazy, or you might do things that drive _me_ crazy. Like I said, I want to try. I want us to take our time and get to know each other better, okay?"

"So, does that mean that we can't have—"

"Are you being serious right now? Of course it means we're not going to have sex yet!" I shouted, forgetting that we were in public. I slapped my hand over my mouth, looking around and feeling embarrassed.

Edward threw his head back and laughed. "Okay, I was just checking. Plus, you said _yet,_ so that gives me hope." He winked at me.

oOo

After having finished lunch, we stood outside the restaurant. "So, I want to take you out again soon, but I'm moving into my new place this week after Christmas, so I don't know how much time I'll have…" he trailed off.

"Where have you been staying?" I couldn't imagine that his ex-wife would have let him still live with her.

"Oh, I've been staying at my buddy Jasper's place. He's getting married soon, though, and I _really_ don't want to live with newlyweds." He said it with an exaggerated shiver, causing me to laugh.

We stood there for a moment, neither of us wanting to say goodbye just yet. I watched as his gaze drifted from my eyes, to my lips, and then to my tits. I wasn't sure if he meant to speak out loud, but I heard him loud and clear.

" _Fuck._ My hand is going to get a good work out."

It caused all sorts of visuals to play out in my mind. I knew that waiting and taking this slowly, and not clouding my vision with sex was the right way to start this off, but that didn't mean it was going to be easy.

"Yeah. Mine, too." I laughed as his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "I'll talk to you later, Edward. Have a good Christmas, okay?" I said, standing on my tiptoes and kissing him on the cheek.

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. I knew he was probably hoping that I'd invite him over for the holiday, but I just wasn't ready for that.

"You have a good Christmas too, sugar." He said it quietly, and I could see hope mixed with fear in his eyes when he called me that. I didn't fight him on it, knowing it meant something to him, so I'd let that be his Christmas present.

As I walked to my car, I really hoped that giving him a second chance was the right thing to do. I wasn't sure that I could handle him breaking my heart again.

Ooo

Chapter songs:

Give Me One Reason – Tracy Chapman

Give It Back to You – Barenaked Ladies


	14. Chapter 13

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for Pre-Reading!

oOo

It had been a week since I had seen him, and aside from a quick text wishing me a Merry Christmas, I hadn't heard from Edward. I knew he was busy moving into his new place, and I knew it was better that we kept our distance for the time being, but as much as I tried, I couldn't stop the aching need that I felt to see him.

By the time Friday rolled around I was sure I was going to go crazy. I felt like an addict that was needing their next fix. Now that he was back in my life, those all-too-familiar feelings of want and desire pushed themselves to the surface. I just needed to see him, to hear his voice, anything to get these feelings to subside. I knew we needed to take our time getting to really know each other, and we would, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't craving the feel of his hands on my body and his dirty words whispered in my ear.

I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled my phone out, scrolled through my contacts, found his name, and pressed the call button.

He answered on the first ring. "Hey. I've been wondering when you'd call." I could hear a hint of smugness in his voice, as if he had known that I'd give in.

"You could have called me, too, you know!" I said, my tone much more snarky than I had wanted.

I heard him sigh. "I would have, but I wanted it to be on your terms, Bella. I didn't want to overstep, and—"

"Can I come over?" I blurted, cutting him off.

"Oh! Uh, yeah, of course you can." He quickly gave me his new address.

oOo

It was about a half hour later that I pulled into his driveway and parked beside his truck. This house was definitely a step down from where he had lived previously. It was slightly run down, and in dire need of a fresh coat of paint. The front yard was brown, which may have been from the cold of the winter, but I was pretty sure it would have been brown even if it were the middle of April. To the side of the house sat a small, one-car garage, which I imagined had been one of his prerequisites when selecting a house. He needed the space for his workshop.

As I climbed the stairs of his porch, I could hear the wood creaking under my feet. I hurried up them, half because I was excited to see him, and half because I was afraid I was going to fall through. Before I could knock the front door swung open and he was there before me, just as gorgeous as ever. There was a nervous smile on his face as he stepped aside for me to enter. I looked around the room, taking in the card table and folding chairs that served as his dining room table, and the dusty second-hand couch in the living room.

He rushed to explain the state of his house. "I, uh, I know it's not much, but I'm planning to remodel everything over time. I'm going to get more furniture and fix up the outside, and—"

"I think it's perfect." I said, and I truly did. It was perfect because it was his, and his alone. There was no fear that someone would walk in and catch us, there were no feelings that what we were doing was wrong. We could finally just be.

"Really?" he asked, his voice quiet and unsure.

I nodded. "Really. So what are you going to make first?"

He looked at me, confusion written all over his face. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, I assumed that you were going to make some of your furniture; I know that you always enjoyed doing that." I shrugged.

He closed his eyes for a moment, seemingly embarrassed. "This is going to sound so stupid, but I hadn't even thought of that! I've been so used to having to bide my time to do projects, that I didn't even realize I could do that."

I took a seat on one of the folding chairs. "You're free to do anything you want now, there's nothing to stop you," I said softly.

"Anything I want?" he said as he stalked over to me, pulling me up from my chair and wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"Well, almost anything," I said quickly, feeling my pulse pick up.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, glancing down at my lips.

God, did I want him to kiss me, but I wasn't sure if it was the right decision. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew that part of me was powerless against him. If I gave in, I didn't know if I would be able to stop.

Against my better judgment, I nodded my head, giving him permission. He smiled and slid his hands up to my face, cupping both sides softly as he pressed his lips lightly to mine, then pulled back. I stared at him for a moment before pulling his face to mine and devouring his lips with my own. It took him a second before he caught on to what was happening, but when he finally did, he was kissing me back with renewed vigor, slipping his tongue between my lips and tangling it with mine. It wasn't until his hands slipped down to my waist and he started to slowly raise the hem of my shirt that I pulled back slightly.

"We have to stop, we can't…" I murmured against his lips.

He sighed, pressing his forehead to mine. "I know. Do you want to go for a drive? I know it's freezing out, but we could go to the beach and talk like we used to? Or anywhere you want."

I pushed out a hard breath and nodded, knowing that if we stayed here I was going to end up naked and underneath him on his floor. "A drive sounds good."

oOo

About 20 minutes later we pulled up to the beach and he cut the engine. "Do you want to get out, or just sit here?"

"Let's just sit here, it's too cold to actually sit outside," I said, looking over at him. "Does it feel odd to you, to not have to hide anymore?"

He sighed, leaning his head back against the seat. "I feel like I've been hiding most of my life, always trying to be something I'm not, or trying to make everyone else happy. So, yeah, it's a little strange."

"What do you mean?" I asked, scooting closer to him.

"I've… never been enough for anyone. For my parents, it was the fact that I didn't go to school to be some great doctor or lawyer; instead, I chose to be, and I quote, 'some white trash hick that works with their hands.' For Emily, I had to do everything that brought me any sort of happiness by her rules, and then when I wasn't ready to have a baby right now, it made me a bad person for being honest. I know I shouldn't have cheated on her, I know it was wrong, but finally for once someone saw me for who I actually am. You actually sounded proud of me when I'd tell you about a project I was working on, or I'd show you a picture of something I'd completed. No one has ever truly been proud of me before. And then I fucked it all up." When I looked at his face, a few tears had escaped his eyes and were sliding down his cheeks.

I didn't know what to say, or how to comfort him. I had grown up with two loving parents who would be proud of me no matter what I chose to do in life. It did help me to understand how it was so easy for him to lash out and cut others down though. He didn't feel good about himself, and for a good chunk of his life no one told him differently; if anything, they had validated his feelings. It didn't make it right, but it was easy to make others feel bad when you felt that way yourself.

I promised myself that if this worked out, if we were to be together, I would do my best to always let him know what he meant to me.

He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer and placing a kiss to my hair. "Enough of this sad crap, wanna go grab dinner with me?"

I smiled softly. "Like a date?"

"Yeah, just like a date, sugar," he said, kissing the top of my head again.

oOo

A/N: Hey everyone, I know I normally include songs here, but I'm at the hospital with my son, trying to figure out a new medication for his seizures, so I am uploading this from my phone to distract myself for a moment, and don't have the file that had the songs on it. Once I'm home and everything is settled I'll update the chapter with the songs!

**Chapter 13 Songs:

How I'll Always Be – Tim McGraw

I'm Not Calling You a Liar – Florence + The Machine


	15. Chapter 14

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

I couldn't believe how fast winter break had flown by, but by this time tomorrow I would be leaving and heading back to college. I was having mixed feelings about leaving Edward. I knew the distance was good for us, but ever since the week after Christmas where he bared a small part of his soul to me and helped me understand him a little better, we had been hanging out nearly every day. Not seeing him as often was going to feel weird.

It felt like each time I saw him I learned something new about him. Sometimes it was small things, like even though he had an affinity for country music, he also really liked Pitbull and that he didn't really like cake, but loved pie. He told me that he figured out what he wanted to do with his life when he was in high school and took his first shop class. He said it was the only class he had ever felt truly successful in. He also admitted to me, and I was pretty sure to himself, that he married Emily when he was so young because his family had begun to push him away when he decided not to go to college; at that point he was craving any sort of attention.

Even with all the time we had been spending together, I wasn't sure I was ready to be his girlfriend. We hadn't made any sort of claims on each other, and aside from a few heated kisses things had stayed relatively chaste. I wasn't willing to take it any further than that yet, and I wasn't sure when I would be. Edward seemed to understand, and he never pushed me for more.

oOo

It was just a little past noon when I walked into the busy diner where I was supposed to be meeting Edward for his lunch break. It was while I was looking around as I waited for him that my eyes landed on Edward's ex-wife sitting in a booth across from a man. It seemed that she had moved on quickly as well, thankfully she didn't know who I was, but I knew her. I had seen her picture a few times on his phone and in photos the one time that I had been inside of his house.

It was when she stood from her seat that I felt panic begin to rise up inside of me instantly. Her slight frame showed that she was obviously pregnant. Suddenly, so many thoughts were swirling around in my mind: Was it Edward's baby? Did he know and not tell me? Was it his and he _didn't_ know? Was it _not_ his baby, and she'd been unfaithful as well?

I had to get out of there. With all of the thoughts running through my mind, I wasn't sure I could see him just then. I spun around quickly, intent on heading toward the exit, when I slammed right into someone. I looked up and was met with bright green eyes. He placed his hands on my waist, steadying me.

"Whoa, Bella, where's the fire? I know I'm a little late, but not late enough for—" He stopped mid-sentence, narrowing his eyes at me. "What's wrong?"

I stared at him for a moment, not sure how to form the words for what I was needing to say. "Can we talk outside for a second, _please?"_ I nearly begged.

"Yeah, come on, let's go." He grabbed my hand and led me out to the parking lot. "You're making me really nervous, what's going on?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Edward, your wife, or I guess your _ex-wife,_ is in there, and she's _pregnant!"_

For a second he just stared at me, eyes wide. "It's not mine, Bella. There is no fucking possible way that baby is mine. _Son of a bitch!"_ he yelled. "You have to believe me, Bella, we haven't had sex since the middle of August!"

"I have no clue what to believe right now, Edward! I want to believe that it's not yours, that you had no clue that she was pregnant, but how can I? Even if you had sex in August, it still leaves the chance that it _is_ yours." I sighed.

"Bella, I swear to you, in August we had sex _maybe_ once? And she's been on birth control for years! I had no clue she was even pregnant! _Fuck!_ All those nights that she worked late, the random visits to her Mom. Fuck, it must have been going on for _years!_ I know I cheated on her too, but, _Goddammit!_ It's not mine!" he shouted, bending over and pulling at his hair. Suddenly he stood up, and his eyes were on fire like I had seen only one time previously, when I had flirted with Mike in front of him.

"Fuck this shit, she's going to tell me that it's not mine, right fucking _now,_ " he growled, and started to storm off toward the restaurant.

I grabbed him by the arm. "Not here, Edward. Call her. Ask to see her, tell her that you know she's pregnant, anything that you want, just not here."

" _Please,_ Bella, you have to believe me…" he said, his voice breaking slightly.

"I want to believe you, and for right now, that's all that I can give you, Edward. You have to understand that." There were just too many unknowns right now for me.

He sighed, pulling me toward him and placing a kiss to the top of my head. "I fucking hate that you feel like you have to doubt me, but I get it. Can I still come up and see you this weekend, or would you rather I didn't?"

"I, uh, don't take this the wrong way, but talk to her first and find out what's going, please? If that baby is yours… I'll just need some time to wrap my head around it all," I told him honestly.

He nodded. "I'll call her tonight. Fuck, I have to get back to work. I'm sorry this all happened, sugar. I wish I could see you before you leave tomorrow."

I stood on my toes, placing a soft kiss to his cheek. "Hopefully, I'll see you this weekend. Let me know what happens, alright?"

He squeezed me to him for a moment, seeming like he didn't want to let go. "Alright," he said quietly, before releasing me so I could head back to my car. Sometimes it felt as if Edward and I would never catch a break.

oOo

I was excited to be heading back to school, but more than anything I was excited to see my roommate, Rosalie Hale. When I first arrived at the University of Oregon, to say that I had been in a bad place was an understatement. I was still at a point where I was crying myself to sleep at night, and after a particularly hard night for me, Rose had pulled me aside the next day, asking what was going on with me and if she could help. I broke down, and couldn't keep it in any longer. I just let everything from the past few months spill from my mouth, all of the private details that I couldn't share with my mom or Jake included. After that, we had been nearly inseparable, and she had helped me to spread my wings a bit, even introducing me to Garrett. Even though in the long run it didn't work out, he helped me to see how I wanted and deserved to be treated.

Rose definitely wasn't Edward's biggest fan, and I wasn't sure how she would feel about everything that occurred over the break, but I knew she would support me regardless.

oOo

I unlocked the door and walked into our dorm room to find Rose already there reorganizing her side of the room and putting away the few items she had taken home during the break.

She looked up at me. "Bella! God, I'm so happy to see you. How was your break?"

"It was eventful, to say the least."

She huffed at me, obviously unhappy with my vague answer. Instead, she just came right out and asked, "Did you see Edward? I know you said you were going to before we left for break…"

I nodded. "Yeah, I saw him." I spent the next while filing her in on all the details of the last few weeks, meeting him for lunch that first time, kissing him again, spending an obscene amount of time together, and last, but very far from least, finding out that his ex-wife is pregnant.

Rose sighed heavily. "So, you haven't heard anything about it from him yet?"

I shook my head. "No, not yet. I have no clue what I'm going to say to him if he tells me it's his."

"I don't like it, Bella," Rose said, flopping back onto her bed.

"I know, and you don't have to like it, Rose." I shrugged, brushing her off.

She looked over at me, narrowing her eyes. "I know. Just be careful, is all. I don't want you getting hurt again."

I nodded, standing up and getting to work on unpacking and re-organizing my half of the room, effectively ending the conversation.

oOo

Later on that night, I was laying in bed watching Netflix while Rose was out with her boyfriend, Emmett, when my phone rang. I grabbed it off the table that was between our beds, seeing Edward's name on the screen.

Before I could even say 'hello' he started speaking. "It's not mine, Bella. She told me it's not mine. Apparently I was right, she'd been cheating on me off and on for _years."_ He sighed heavily. "All the odd late nights at work, the random visits to her mom… I know it doesn't make what _we_ did okay, but _fuck._ If I hadn't ended things, she could have just passed it off as mine."

"Oh, Edward, I don't even know what to say. Are you alright?" I asked. I imagined he might have been a little shaken up. Yes, they had both been unfaithful to each other, but to find out that she had been cheating on him for _years_ couldn't have felt very good. If I had never come along, I imagine he would have remained faithful to her, and chances were he'd be raising a baby that wasn't his right now.

I heard him blow out a breath. "Yeah, yeah, I'm alright, it doesn't matter now." For some reason, I felt like it _did_ matter to him, but he was trying to push it away. "Can I still come see you this weekend?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, you can still come up this weekend. Maybe we can go to a party, and you can meet some of my friends." I was happy that he was coming, but there was a small part of me that was nervous about mixing two very different parts of my life together.

"I'll see you Friday afternoon then, Bella. Have a good night, okay?" he said, and I could hear a slight bit of happiness in his voice again.

"Yeah, you too, Edward," I said softly, and ended the call.

oOo

I had a lot to think about this week before he got here on Friday, now that the whole situation with his ex-wife was basically cleared up.

I was constantly trying so hard to not just fall back into his arms like I always had in the past, but for how long was I going to keep him at a distance and make him atone for his sins? I wanted to move further with him, I wanted to try harder to let him in, like he was doing with me. I knew that I wanted to be his and for him to be mine, but I just wasn't sure how to make my brain catch up with my heart.

oOo

Chapter 14 songs:

Blew Up (The House) – Jonny Lang

Underneath It All – No Doubt


	16. Chapter 15

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

 **A/N: So, its Sunday, and Sunday is almost worse then Monday in my book. So, I thought I'd give you all a treat. Let me know what you think!**

oOo

Friday morning I found myself standing in front of the full length mirror that was attached to the wall in the dorm room. I huffed at my reflection; it was the third outfit I'd tried on this morning, but nothing felt _right._ Everything either felt like it was too tight and made me look huge, or it was too loose and didn't show off enough.

Deep down I knew exactly what the problem was. Edward was going to be here in the late afternoon, and I was feeling insecure. When it was just me and him, I was fine, because there was no one else for him to so much as glance at. In those moments, when his eyes would rake over my body and I could see all the lust and want in them, I felt like I was enough. But day in and day out, I was surrounded by girls who were tall and trim and could wear shorts without worrying about things like cellulite or if their thighs rubbed holes in their jeans. I was continuously waiting for the day that he would wake up and really look at me, and realize I wasn't what he actually wanted, that I was a mistake.

I sighed, finally just throwing on my favorite Rolling Stones shirt, with my ripped up jeans and black boots. At least my makeup looked good. I slipped on my jacket and headed out to class.

oOo

I was pretty sure that during my last class of the day, I hadn't heard a word that the professor said the entire time. I was too busy anxiously watching the clock and wondering if Edward was here yet. Several times, I had to stop myself from reaching into my bag and pulling out my phone to check if he had left me any messages.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, but really was only about an hour, we were dismissed and I was free to check my phone.

My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I saw that I had two text messages, both of them from Edward. The first one was him letting me know that he had gotten here safely and was checking into his motel, and the second one was him telling me that he was waiting for me at the coffee shop we had met up at previously. I took a deep breath, slipped my coat back on, slung my bag over my shoulder, and headed out to find him.

On my way into the coffee shop, I literally bumped into Garrett just as he was leaving. We had left things on good terms, and I was happy that we were still able to be friends.

"Hey, I haven't seen you since we've been back, how are you?" Garrett asked me.

I smiled up at him. "I've been really good. I'm meeting someone, though, so do you mind if we catch up later?"

"Oh yeah, I saw your _someone_ waiting for you. It's fine, Bella. I'm happy for you as long as he's treating you right." He smiled softly at me.

"Thanks, I promise we'll talk later," I said, and he nodded and made his way out the door. I looked around for a moment before I spotted Edward at a table toward the back. He was staring directly at me, his eyes slightly heated, and once again, not in a good way.

I sat down in front of him, and for a moment we just stared at each other. When he finally spoke up and said, "So, how's _Garrett_ been treating you," his tone was laced with bitterness.

I stared at him for a moment longer, taking a deep breath to calm myself before I spoke."If you're going to sit here and throw thinly veiled accusations at me that there is something going on between Garrett and myself, which even if there was, it wouldn't matter since you seem to forget that I am _not_ your girlfriend, you can get in your fucking truck and head home _right now_."

He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "I'm sorry, Bella. It's just tough knowing that you're here with him, that you dated him, that he's seen you naked, I've seen you naked, and I _know_ it's not an easy thing to forget. The way he looks at you—"

"He's never seen me naked," I said quietly, aware of the people around us. "Look, can we have this conversation somewhere else, please?"

"He's never seen you… yeah, let's go." He stood up and waited for me.

Once we were outside he started to grab for my hand, but I pulled back. "If we have any chance of this" —I gestured between us— "working out, you have to trust me. I get that _you_ cheated on your wife; hell, I went along with you cheating on her, so you and I both know exactly what people are capable of. I even get that your wife cheated on you, but I am not Emily, you hear me?"

"Yeah, I hear you, Bella. I'm sorry if I'm not so trusting. I'm working on it. Now can we please talk about the fact that Garrett has never seen you naked? I mean, you dated for a bit so I just assumed—"

"I just wasn't ready to take that step with him." I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. I guess we both needed to learn how to trust each other.

"Oh. Okay." He said it quietly, his curiosity satisfied for the moment. "So,what are we doing tonight?"

"Rose said that her boyfriend's fraternity is having a party tonight, so I thought we could check it out for a bit, unless you wanted to do something else?" I said as I glanced up at him.

"I want to do whatever you want to do, Bella. I'm here to spend time with you, so if you want to go to a frat party, we'll go to a frat party." He kissed me on the cheek, and for the first time since he'd gotten here I saw him smile.

oOo

After we walked around for a while longer, Edward decided to head back to his motel so that he could get showered and changed, which gave me plenty to time to also get ready for the party this evening.

Thankfully, insecure Bella, who had made a short appearance earlier in the day, was nowhere to be found tonight. I wanted to draw all of his attention toward me, and I knew just how to do it. Once I stepped out of the shower and dried off, I headed back to my room and pulled on a pair of black faux-leather leggings that molded to the bottom half of my body. I paired them with a black long sleeved crop top that hugged my tits perfectly and showed off just enough skin. I slipped my feet inside a pair of black wedge heeled ankle boots, with silver studs running along the back of them. All I had left to do was to fix my hair and makeup and I'd be ready to go.

oOo

It was about 8:30 when my phone vibrated with a text message from Edward saying that he was outside waiting, so I ran down the stairs to let him in. We still had a while before the party even started, so I figured I could show him where I lived and it would give us some time together, just the two of us, since Rose was already with Emmett for the night.

I pushed open the door for him, and he walked in, stopping short when he saw me. "Oh _fuck._ Are you literally trying to kill me, sugar?" He groaned. "How do you expect me to keep my hands off you when you look like that! _Shit!"_

I rolled my eyes at him. "Come on, follow me, I want to show you my room."

"Right now, I'd follow you anywhere, baby. Lead the way." He gestured for me to begin walking.

oOo

Once we were in my room, he turned me around to face him. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I have to do this."

"Have to do wh—"

He suddenly grabbed both sides of my face, crashing his mouth against mine desperately. Once I snapped out of my daze and my mind and body caught up to his, I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him back with just as much fervor while he slowly walked us until my back was pressed up against the wall. I let out a low moan as he slipped his tongue passed my lips, sliding it against mine as he ground himself into me.

I reached down between us and ran my hand along the hard bulge in his jeans, searching for the button to release him. He wasn't the only one that was constantly dealing with pent up sexual tension; I wanted him so badly I felt like I was going to burst into flames at any given moment.

He reached down as well, covering my hand with his, and pulled back slightly. "Not here, Bella. I'm not going to just fuck you up against a wall the first time we're together again."

"I've got a bed right over there, if that's the issue," I breathed out.

He chuckled softly. "I'm trying, here, Bella, and _fuck,_ if you aren't testing my restraint. I want to do this right, baby. I want to take my time with you."

I huffed dramatically, causing him to grin. " _Fine,_ but this is far from over, Edward."

"Oh, trust me. The things I have planned to do to you, Bella…" He pressed his erection against me, grinding slightly. "You're going to feel me for days after I leave, sweetheart, but right now we've got a party to get to." He stepped back and released me.

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. I had a feeling this party was going to be torture.

oOo

Chapter 15 songs:

Love on the Weekend – John Mayer

Did I Say That Out Loud? - Barenaked Ladies


	17. Chapter 16

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

EPOV:

I knew I was crazy to deny her as I forced us out the door and to a frat party. I was dying to lay her down and have my way with her, but she deserved so much more than just a quick fuck. She deserved to feel worshipped, loved.

I'd never been to a frat party, having not gone the college route, but I had gone to plenty of parties in high school. I couldn't imagine the two would be very different; there was probably just slightly more debauchery at the college level.

By the time we walked into the house where the party was being held, the place was crawling with people, music was blasting, and the smell of cheap beer was thick in the air. Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me deeper into the room.

"I want to find Rose and Emmett!" she yelled over the noise, and I nodded, letting her guide me through the sea of bodies and into the kitchen.

"Rose!" she called out as she spotted her blonde friend.

Rose, who was plastered up against a hulk of a man, turned around, greeting Bella with a warm smile that only faltered slightly when she noticed me behind her. It seemed that I had a few more people to win over than I realized.

"Hey! You're finally here! You look amazing! You know, I think I saw Garrett walk in earlier, I bet he'd love to catch up with you," Rose said, eyeing me as my hold on Bella's waist tightened slightly.

"Rose. Stop being such an ass. I wanted you to meet Edward, but if this is how you're going to act…" Bella huffed.

"Fine, it's _so_ nice to meet you, Edward," Rose said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Still, she reached her hand out, which I took in order to be the bigger person.

"Thanks for taking care of Bella while I was being a complete a douche," I said honestly. It was easy to tell Rose loved Bella fiercely, and was loyal to her. I honestly did appreciate the fact that she'd had someone to help her while I'd had my head stuck up my ass.

"Do it again, and I'll let Rosie here rip your balls off. Slowly." Emmett, or the Hulk as I referred to him, grinned at me.

I nodded. "If I ever hurt her again, I'll gladly let her."

He eyed me for a moment before nodding back at me. "You want a beer, man?"

"Nah, I'm fine, thanks."

"Come on, Bella, let's go dance!" Rose said, and Bella glanced up at me questioningly.

"Go on, baby, you don't need to ask me." I shrugged, leaning down to kiss her lightly before Rose pulled her away.

I leaned against the counter next to Emmett, waiting for the questions that were bound to start.

"So, how's married life treating you these days?" he asked with a raise of his brows.

I wiped my hand over my face roughly. I should have been expecting that. "Fair enough, man. Look, I know—"

Emmett turned to me, his eyes dark with anger as he stood over me. He was at least half a foot taller than I was, which was terrifying, considering I was six-two. "Do you really know, though? Did you know that she fucking cried herself to sleep every night for weeks? That most of the time Rose had to force her to eat, that she said it was like living with a fucking zombie, that it took Bella every ounce of her effort just to get out of bed? Did you fucking know all of that? You should be kissing the fucking ground that girl walks on and thanking God that she even looked your way again. I swear if you hurt her like that again, you'll be dealing with me, and I _promise_ to fuck you up. Now, with that out of the way, let's go find the girls." Just like that, he was back to his cheerful disposition.

oOo

It didn't take long for my eyes to find her. She was there in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, with her arms wrapped around Rosalie's shoulders as they danced, or really, ground against each other. I had to resist the urge to adjust myself while I watched her.

" _Fuck_ ,"I muttered underneath my breath, startling when Emmett laughed loudly.

"Now that's a pretty sight." He grinned and made his way over to Rose, pulling her off of Bella and against himself.

I followed suit, coming up behind Bella and placing my hands on her waist. "Christ, you really _are_ trying to kill me, aren't you, sugar?" I growled in her ear, causing her to shiver.

She turned around in my arms, wrapping hers around my neck and pressing her lips against mine. I moaned, nipping at her bottom lip as I pulled back slightly. "Spend the night with me?" I murmured in her ear, hoping that I wasn't asking too much, too soon.

She nodded. "Yeah. Let's get out of here."

oOo

It wasn't long before we were pulling into the parking lot of the Motel 6 where I was staying. Now, with Bella sitting beside me, I was wishing that I had sprung for something with a little more class.

We walked into the room and I flipped the lights on. "I'm sorry it's not somewhere fancier, Bella, I just didn't—"

"I just want to spend time with you, to be close to you. I don't give a shit what the room looks like." She took a seat on the bed.

I sat down next to her, taking her hand in mine and lacing our fingers together. She glanced down at our hands and squeezed lightly. "I need to talk to you, Bella," I said, and she looked up at me, her eyes wide and worried. "Calm down. It's not really anything bad, its just that Emmett was talking to me, and he was telling me how you were when you got here. Bella, I will never be able to apologize enough. I know that I don't deserve to even be sitting here with you—"

"Edward, stop," she said as she moved to straddle my lap and look into my eyes. "Please, just stop. I don't need you to apologize anymore. Did it suck? Yes. Was I torn apart? Yes. But you've apologized over and over again, and I believe you. I don't need you to say it every day. I don't _want_ you to. In _my_ eyes, you've paid for your sins. I'm not like your parents, you don't have to constantly try and earn affection from me. You just being Edward will always be enough for me." She pressed her lips against mine roughly, and I slid my hands down to her waist, anchoring her to me.

I laid back on the bed and pulled her down with me, neither of us easing up on our kisses. I ran my hands from her waist down her thighs, gripping her ass tightly before flipping us over so that I hovered above her. I finally broke our kiss, gazing down at her. "I love you," I whispered against her lips and watched as a few tears slipped from her eyes. "Oh baby, don't cry," I said as I kissed her wet cheeks.

"I just never thought you'd—I love you, too," she breathed out.

I stared at her in awe for a moment, taking in what she had just said. "I need you, Bella. Please, baby, I need you."

Sitting us up quickly, I ran my hands up her sides and to the hem of her shirt. She lifted her arms and I slid it from her body. I reached around and unclasped her bra, exposing her to me. "So fucking beautiful," I said as I leaned down and wrapped my lips around one nipple while my hand played with the other.

"I need more, Edward. I need to feel you." She moaned as I gently bit her nipple before releasing it and laying her back. I started by slowly removing her shoes, dropping them to the floor with a loud clunk. Removing her pants proved to be a little more difficult. They looked amazing on her, but the damn things must have been glued to her body. Finally, after tugging and pulling at them for a few moments, causing us both to laugh as the motions dragged her body down the bed, I freed her from their confines and tossed them across the room. When I turned back toward her, I groaned loudly, noticing that she was completely bare.

I quickly shed myself of my clothes and climbed onto the bed, kneeling before her. My eyes slowly dragged up and down her body, and it was in that moment that I realized I had never really taken the time to truly appreciate the beauty of her body before now.

I leaned down, lightly kissing the inside of her thigh, causing her to squirm. I moved, kissing higher on the inside of her other thigh, closer to where I knew she wanted me most. I leaned in closer to her pussy, running my tongue from her entrance up to her clit, circling it slowly, causing her to cry out my name and her back to arch off the bed.

She reached down, running her fingers through my hair. "I need you inside me, Edward, _please."_ She moaned as I placed a soft kiss to her clit and dragged myself up her body. I attacked her mouth with mine, slipping my tongue between her lips, sliding and twisting it against hers. I reached between us, lining myself up with her pussy, and let myself slip inside of her wet heat.

"Oh, fuck, baby, you feel so good, so much better than I remember." I groaned. She gasped and moaned in response, her eyes fluttering closed. "Look at me, Bella. I need to see you," I told her as I continued to pump myself in and out of her. Her eyes opened slowly, meeting mine, and I couldn't break my gaze away from her lust and love filled eyes.

The previous times we'd been together, I almost always had her facing away from me, not being able to handle seeing the love I knew would be there. It was different now, so fucking different. I would gladly have what others might consider 'vanilla'sex with her until the day I died, as long as I could always see her looking at me the way she was right now.

I could feel the tightening of my balls signaling that my release was quickly approaching, so I reached down between us, rubbing quick circles on her clit. It was apparently just enough, as she suddenly cried out and I felt her pussy clench and spasm around me. It was all I needed to push me over the edge, as I slammed into her once more, coming deep inside her.

I fell down on top of her, panting heavily as I rolled us onto our sides and held her tightly to me. A few moments later, I felt her warm, steady breath against my chest, letting me know that she was fast asleep. I brushed her hair off her shoulder and kissed the top of her head softly, inhaling her scent.

For the first time in eight months of knowing her, I finally felt like I could breathe.

oOo

Chapter 16 Songs:

20/20 Hindsight – Barenaked Ladies

Slow Hands – Niall Horan

 **A/N: Hi Friends! So I recently created a group on Facebook for my stories. You can find the link on my profile here on FFN or you can search Facebook for the group called 'Stories by MissLiss15'. I hope to see you all there, it's where I'll be posting teasers and pictures for chapters for this story and stories to come.**


	18. Chapter 17

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

 **EPOV:**

When I kissed her goodbye on Sunday night and hopped into my truck, I felt like I was leaving half of me behind. It killed me that I could see the apprehension in her eyes, no matter how much she tried to hide it. I knew that I was forgiven, but my previous actions were not forgotten. She had never said it, but I knew that, even though she didn't want to be, she was afraid I would be unfaithful. She was afraid I would find someone new to turn my head and she would be tossed aside. I couldn't even fault her for feeling that way, since there was that saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater." What she didn't realize yet though, was that she was all I saw, that everyone and everything paled in comparison to her.

When we made love Friday night, I tried to show her how much I truly loved her, how much I needed and wanted her, but I had to figure out some other way to help her see that she was it for me. I wasn't in it for the thrill of the chase, or the fact that we could have gotten caught. That's not what drew me to her. I needed her to see that yes, I'd cheated on my wife, but I wasn't a serial cheater. I'd only ever want her.

There was only one person I knew who could help me with this, so before I drove home I made a stop at Jasper's house, hoping to find Alice there.

oOo

I sat down across from Alice and ran my hands over the table. "Man, this is a nice piece of work. Who did you say made it, again?" I smirked at her.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Yes, Edward. We all know you're very talented, but you didn't stop by to check up on your table. What's going on?"

I leaned back in my chair and sighed. "I don't know how to get Bella to fully trust me. She says she loves me, that she forgives me, but I can still feel that she's apprehensive about us sometimes."

Alice smiled softly. "There really isn't anything you can do to rush it. You can't force her to trust you, all you can do is continue to show her, and over time she'll see. You guys have had a rough start, but it'll even out."

"I hate that I ever hurt her, Alice," I said quietly.

"I know; just never hurt her like that again, and be there for her, support her. Like I said, just keep showing her that you're all in," Alice said as she got up and pulled me into a hug. "I promise it'll be okay."

I nodded. "I sure hope you're right." It hadn't exactly been the answer I was looking for. I'd been hoping for some sort of quick fix, an immediate way to get her to trust me fully, but I was slowly starting to see that the only thing that would work was giving her time and showing her she was loved.

"Don't you know that I'm _always_ right about these things, Edward?" She grinned at me. I was happy for Jasper that he had picked such a good woman to spend his life with.

oOo

Sadly, no matter how much I wanted to it just wasn't possible to get to Eugene every weekend. Work was at a lull during the winter months, but with trying to set up my business and all of the work that Jasper and I were putting into the house I bought, with the help of a few of his buddies, it had been over three weeks since I'd seen her in the flesh.

Thankfully, we video chatted most nights so I still got to see her face, and on a few occasions, I was able to get her to show me a little _more_ when Rose was out of the room. But with the few peep shows I was given and the way that most nights the tiny tank tops she wore to bed clung to her tits, I was starting to lose my mind. I needed to touch her, taste her, just _anything_. Plus, there were only so many times a day that you could _shower_ before it became weird.

oOo

I was sitting on my mattress propped up against the wall with my laptop on my lap waiting for Bella to answer the video call that I'd just sent her. Finally, after a few moments her face popped up on my screen and I let out the breath I'd been holding. "You're a sight for sore eyes, sugar."

"Is everything okay, Edward?" she asked, her eyes full of concern.

"Yeah, I'm just spent between filing all of the paperwork for the business and having my whole living room basically gutted. We're going to start building it back up soon, but there's also the fact that I just fucking miss you." I sighed.

"I miss you too, so much. Are you still going to be able to come up this weekend?"

"There is literally nothing that would stop me from coming to see you, Bella," I told her.

"Um, what if I told you that my parents were going to be visiting at the same time?" She bit her lip, looking at me nervously.

"Well, if we're going to be together, I'll have to meet them sometime, won't I?" I smiled at her, but on the inside, I was freaking out. All I could imagine was her father ripping my balls off and handing them to me for defiling his baby. Then there was the fact that her _mother_ , her mother basically knew everything that I had done and said to her little girl aside from a few details.

"It'll be okay, Edward. I can see from the look on your face that you're freaking out. My parents obviously know that we're together, and as long as I'm happy, they're happy."

"I sure as hell hope so, baby. So, tell me, how has school been going?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Well, I was actually wanting to ask you something. You know how I've been undecided in my major? I was thinking that I might want to major in business, and then I could help you with yours and we could work together—" she began to say, but all that I could hear was _'you're not good enough to do this without a degree.'_

"What are you trying to say, Bella? That I can't do this on my own? That I'm not good enough to run a business without some fucking piece of paper?" I spat at her.

"What the _fuck_ are you talking about, Edward? All I fucking want to do is to be able to help you, to make sure that _we_ —you know, like a _team_ —could make you as successful as possible. I believe in you. I've told you before, I'm not like your fucking family. I don't give a shit what degree you do or don't have."

I sighed heavily, pressing my head back against the wall. "Christ, Bella. I'm sorry. I'm so scared of failing, baby. All I've ever been told is what I'll never amount to, not what I _can_ amount to."

"I get that, Edward, but you can't just fly off the handle at me like that. Just let me help you. I know you've almost got everything up and running, and that I still have all of college to get through, but why can't we do this together? And if something happens and we're not together, it's still a good—"

" _Nothing_ is going to happen to us, Bella," I cut her off.

"How can you be so sure, Edward?"

"Because I love you, Bella, and for me, that's enough."

"I love you, too," she said quietly.

"I'd be really happy to have you help me, baby. It's hard for me to remember sometimes that you're on my side with all of this. I really am sorry."

She nodded. "Okay, good. Then I guess I'm going to declare a major," she said with a bright smile.

oOo

By the time Friday afternoon rolled around, I was a nervous wreck. I didn't know what to expect from meeting Bella's parents, but Bella seemed to be confident that everything would be fine.

It had never been an issue for me before, but I hadn't really ever stopped to think about the fact that I was only about five years younger than Bella's mother, and that I had been thirteen years old when Renee had given birth to Bella. I suddenly couldn't help but feel a little awkward.

oOo

When I finally arrived in Eugene it was already after five, so instead of checking into my motel, I decided to head to the restaurant where I was supposed to be meeting Bella and her parents. If I had been nervous before, it was nothing compared to what I felt when I pulled into the parking lot. There, standing at the front of the restaurant, was Bella surrounded by her parents. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly before making my way over to them.

oOo

Chapter 17 Songs:

When She Says Baby - Jason Aldean

I Didn't Mean It - The Belle Brigade

 **A/N: Hi Loves! I told you all last week about the Facebook group that I had created(the link is on my FFN profile or you can search for 'Stories by MissLiss15' on Facebook), I just wanted to let those of you know that aren't apart of the group, that I posted a outtake of the conversation Edward and Emily had when he found out that she was pregnant. So if you're interested in reading it, you can find it in my group in the 'Announcements' section.**


	19. Chapter 18

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

I watched as Edward's truck pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant we'd chosen for him to meet my parents at for the first time.

However, while I was on winter break my mom did tell me that she may have 'run into' Edward and purposely mentioned that I was seeing Garrett within earshot of him. So even though they had never actually met, they knew of each other. I was angry at her for a while for even attempting to getting involved, but I also had her to thank for lighting the fire under him that sent him to search me out. Without that little push we most likely wouldn't be headed in the direction that we were.

"That him, Bella?" My dad nodded in Edward's direction.

"Yeah, that's him. _Please_ be nice, daddy; he's important." I sighed as my dad huffed a little. I knew that this could really go either way.

"Hey, Bella," Edward said as he walked up to us. He looked unsure at first, but the fact that we hadn't seen each other in three weeks won over his uncertainties and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against him. I sighed softly as I laid my head against his chest. It really had been too long.

Our small bubble was popped when my father cleared his throat loudly, snapping Edward and myself back to reality.

He turned to my father. "I apologize, I should have introduced myself. Edward Cullen, sir." He held his hand out to Dad.

"Charlie Swan," Dad replied, gripping Edward's hand. I knew better than to let my guard down just yet. If I knew my dad, he was holding back until he felt the moment was right.

oOo

We were all sitting around the table, having just placed our orders, when my mom spoke up, "So, Edward, Bella tells us that you're a carpenter and that you're also working on starting up a furniture business?"

"Yes ma'am," Edward replied. I bit my lip, trying not to laugh at the look on my mother's face when Edward called her ma'am. There wasn't exactly a huge age difference between them, and I was pretty sure my mom didn't feel like a ma'amjust yet.

"How would you plan to support my daughter, when I know most carpenters don't work much during the winter and your business is just a start-up?" Dad cut in. I knew he had been waiting to pounce on _something._

" _Charlie_ ,"Mom said in a warning tone.

"No, Renee, I want to know how this _man_ plans to keep my daughter clothed and fed when he only works a real job seven months out of the year." He sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. I watched as Edward took a long swig of his beer.

He placed the bottle back down on the table and took a deep breath, turning to my father. "Honestly, _Charlie,_ I think it's an insult to your daughter to think that she would need someone to support and take care of her." I watched as my dad quirked an eyebrow at Edward, waiting for him to continue. "There is _nothing_ in this world that I love more than your daughter, and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for her. I would move heaven and earth to make sure she never went without anything she wanted or needed, but you've raised a strong woman who can take care of herself with or without me. So, to answer you question, we'll provide for _each other_ as a team, as long as she'll have me."

I sat there, looking back and forth between my dad and Edward as they stared each other down.

It was Dad who finally relented. "Fair enough," was all he said, and continued on as if nothing had even just happened.

oOo

I sighed and flopped back on the bed in Edward's motel room. He'd wanted to spring for a fancier place, but I told him it was silly. He didn't need to waste hard earned money when all I wanted was to spend time with him; I didn't care where.

"Edward?" I called out quietly.

"Hmm?" he said, sitting down beside me.

"Did you really mean everything that you said tonight at dinner? That you think I'm strong?"

He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me up into a sitting position. "Yeah, I meant every word of it, sugar. Why are you asking me that?"

"What if I don't feel very strong a lot of the time? What if… what if I constantly feel insecure, and that no matter how much you love me, or I love you, that I'm never going to be _enough_ for you?" I closed my eyes tightly, trying to will myself not to cry.

I heard him sigh heavily. "Sweetheart, look at me, will you?" I opened my eyes and glanced in his direction. "I know. I know that's how you feel. I've known that you've felt that way since almost the beginning of this whole thing. I can't force you to believe that you're so much _more_ than enough. There was never a point in my relationship with Emily where I just woke up one day and decided I was going to go out and look for someone new. It wasn't until _you_ came along, Bella, that I realized that there was so much lacking in my life. I love every part of you."

"But, what if—" I began to say, but he stopped me by placing his hand over my heart.

"I love your heart, and how strongly you love the people around you, and how willing you are to help others. I love how you put me in my place when I'm being a dick, and don't just let me have my way. And I really love that you were willing to give me a second chance." He slid his hands down my body slowly. "I love your curves, I love the way your thighs feel wrapped around my waist, I love when you gasp and call out for me when I say dirty things in your ear, and I love how perfectly we fit together." He smirked at me and nipped softly at my earlobe, causing my breath to catch. He slipped a hand onto my stomach. "And I love that one day, when we're both ready, there's going to be a baby in here. _Our_ baby."

My eyes widened at his words. "But, I thought you didn't want…" I trailed off.

"That's the thing, Bella. There is _nothing_ that I don't want with you. I want it all, baby. I want to marry you, I want to have babies with you, I want to spend every day of my life with you. Do you understand yet that there is no one who could ever take your place?" He pulled me closer to him and pressed his lips softly against mine.

"I love you so much, Edward," I whispered against his lips.

He turned us so that he could lay me back down on the bed. I met his gaze, and he leaned in and placed another soft kiss to my lips. "Edward?"

"Yeah, sugar?" he said as his lips trailed down to my neck and he nipped at me softly.

"I want you," I breathed out, causing him to groan quietly.

He ran his hands slowly down my sides and grasped the hem of my shirt, sliding it up and off. "I want you too, sweetheart."

"Edward?" I said again.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Yes, Bella?"

"I don't want you to be gentle. I want you to fuck me." I bit my lip and looked up at him from under my eyelashes.

" _Jesus Christ_ ,"he ground out. "You want it rough, baby? Is that what you're telling me?"

I nodded my head and watched as his eyes darkened from lust. "I want you naked, _now,_ sugar," he growled in my ear. He didn't have to tell me twice. I quickly shed myself of the clothes I had remaining on me, and watched as he also shed his own.

"Get in the middle of the bed, baby." His voice was huskier than usual.

I situated myself in the middle of the bed and moaned quietly as I watched him wrap a hand around his cock and pump it a few times. " _Fuck,_ it's been too long since I've been inside you."

" _Please,_ Edward!" I nearly begged.

"You want this cock, baby?" He climbed onto the bed, kneeling between my legs and spreading them wide before running the head of his cock along my slit.

"Fuck, _yes,_ stop teasing me already," I groaned.

I should have realized what I was asking for and what he was capable of. He grabbed me by my ankles and pulled me closer to him, placing them on his shoulders as he suddenly slammed into me, causing me to arch my back and cry out.

"Always so goddamn tight, and _fuck,_ I love watching your tits bounce." He grunted it out as he began to pound into me relentlessly.

We went at it like that for a while, the sounds of our heavy breathing and slick skin sliding together filling the room. I could feel myself climbing closer and closer to the edge. "I need to feel that pussy gripping my cock tighter. You're gonna come for me; touch yourself, _now_."

I moaned loudly and reached down between us, rubbing quick circles on my clit. It didn't take me long before I was panting and calling out his name as my pussy started to clench around his cock, causing him to let out a deep moan. "Oh shit, I can't, I'm gonna—" he stuttered right before I felt him spill deep inside of me.

He collapsed on top of me and I ran my fingers through his hair, both of us panting and still trying to catch our breath. Finally he rolled us onto our sides, holding me tightly against him and humming softly.

I glanced up at him. " _Really,_ Edward? You're humming 'Fat Bottomed Girls'?"

He laughed and kissed me on the cheek. "I couldn't help myself."

I knew that none of my insecurities would be fixed overnight, but I was finally starting to see that I really was the only one that Edward wanted.

oOo

Chapter 18 songs:

Just a Girl – No Doubt

Treasure – Bruno Mars


	20. Chapter 19

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

If I thought that winter break had flown by, it was nothing compared to the spring semester. I was just a few weeks away from finishing my first year of college, and I couldn't have been happier. I'd decided even before things began with Edward that I wasn't going to take summer classes, and now, I was overjoyed in my decision. I would have over three months to spend with him. It sure as hell would beat seeing him only every couple of weeks.

oOo

It was an odd occurrence to find Rosalie in our room on a Friday, so when I walked in after my last class of the day to find her sitting there on her bed, I was definitely surprised.

"Oh! Hey, I didn't expect to see you here. Everything okay?" I asked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, everything's fine," she said quietly. That was even less like Rose. She wasn't one to ever seem so timid. I knew better than to push her, though.

"Okay. Well, if you need to talk, I'm here," I said with a shrug of my shoulders and crossed the room.

"I think I might be pregnant," she blurted suddenly.

I whipped around quickly, facing her. "Oh shit. What makes you think you're pregnant, Rose?"

"Well, I haven't gotten my period yet, and I just feel like crap; I'm so tired all the time."

"Okay, well, all of that could be stress as well. Have you taken a test?" She shook her head. Well, we still had some form of hope. "Do you want me to run and get you a test?"

Rose took a deep breath and nodded her head with tears in her eyes.

"Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can." I hurried out of the room.

I still had a little while before Edward was supposed to be here. I was hoping that I could hurry and get the test, Rose would take it, find out it was negative, and we'd be done with this.

oOo

There was a longer wait at the health clinic than I expected, and by the time I was able to find someone to get a test for me it was already past five. On top of that, I'd left in such a rush that I'd accidentally left my phone in the room, and I was sure Edward was waiting for me.

I could see him pacing up and down the walkway as I approached my building. "What the hell, Bella? I've been trying to call you for a half hour!" he exclaimed.

Normally, I would have snapped back at him, but I knew that if I had been waiting for him without an answer for that long, I would have been worried, too. "Sorry! I had to run to the health clinic and get a pregnancy test f—"

"Oh _fuck._ " He looked like the wind had just been knocked out of him as he reached up and grabbed his hair. "You think you're pregnant, Bella? Shit! What are we going to do, your father is going to kill me, you still have so much school left, and I'm just finally getting—"

" _Edward!"_ I shouted at him, causing him to finally look my way. "It's for _Rose!"_ I exclaimed, and the relief on his face was visible.

"Oh. _Oh!_ Well, good. I mean, not _good,_ because that sucks for Rose and Emmett, but good because it's, you know, not you." He sighed.

"Honestly, what if it was for me? You panicked pretty hard there." I raised my eyebrows at him.

He rubbed a hand across his forehead. "I know. I mean, if you were pregnant, then we'd be having a baby. That's really all there is to it, I mean that's if you wanted to keep it. I would, but it's not only my decision. We'd have to figure out some way to keep you in school, though. I know how much you want to finish, and I want it for you, too, sugar. There will be plenty of time for babies after you graduate." He said all of this and then kissed the top of my head and wrapped an arm around me.

We'd discussed babies a while back, and I knew he said he wanted them with me, but his little panic attack made me think differently for a moment. I was happy to see that one day it would still be something he was sure he wanted.

I smiled up at him, offering him my lips as he placed a soft kiss to them. "Come on, Rose has been waiting for like an hour," I said as we made our way through the door.

As we approached my room, I could hear people shouting behind the door. I could tell it was obviously Rose and Emmett, but I couldn't completely make out what was being said. I glanced over at Edward and he just shrugged his shoulders, unsure of what to do, as well. So I made the choice and unlocked the door, causing the room to fall silent.

We walked in, and I held out the paper bag with the test in it toward Rose. "Uh, here you go," I said softly. She grabbed the bag and stormed out of the room. I looked over at Emmett, feeling my heart drop slightly. His eyes were red and watery, and there was no doubt he'd been crying. "Do you want to tell me what's going on, Emmett?" I asked.

He pushed out a hard breath and slumped over in his chair. "She's been avoiding me for _days,_ Bella! And then tonight when she didn't show up at the house, I really knew something was up. I just don't know why she didn't trust me enough to tell me. I'd literally do _anything_ for her, and I thought she knew that."

I sighed. "She does know that. I think she's just really scared. I know I would be. Try and be patient."

Rose walked back in the room as I finished speaking.

"Well?" Emmett asked quietly, and Rose just nodded her head, collapsing on the bed in tears.

I looked over at Emmett. "We'll, uh, we'll give you guys some privacy for the weekend," I said, and as we turned to leave, Emmett climbed onto the bed, wrapping his arms around Rose.

"So, I can't believe that just happened," I said as we made our way to Edward's truck. He'd been unusually quiet the whole walk. I turned to with the intent to ask him what was wrong, when he pulled me tightly against him.

"I know I haven't had the greatest track record with helping you to trust me, but, Bella, please, _please_ , never feel like you couldn't tell me something like that. You are literally my whole world, and I will _always_ be by your side, sugar." He pressed his lips against mine. "I love you so much, baby." He pulled back slightly.

"I love you, too. I promise I will tell you if you ever knock me up unexpectedly." I grinned at him.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Get in the truck, Bella."

oOo

Sadly, the weekend flew by, and it was once again time for Edward to head back home. It was always hard for me to part with him, and this time was no different, except for the fact that within a few short weeks, I'd be home as well and able to see him almost whenever I wanted.

We had gone on plenty of dates in the short time that I'd been home, but it would be the first time that we would be able to go to the beach and sit out on the sand and not worry about people passing by and seeing us. We could hold hands and walk down through the water, we could kiss, we could even… I shook my head at that thought. It almost felt like even after all of these months, _this_ would truly be our new beginning.

I looked up and saw Edward grinning at me. "You're blushing, Bella, and you hardly ever blush. What's going on in that head?"

I rolled my eyes, feeling my cheeks heat further. "I was just thinking of all the things we could do at the beach when I'm back home."

"Oh, yeah? Like what, sugar?" By the smirk on his face, I knew he knew what I meant.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You already know."

He pressed me up against the door to his truck, letting me feel just how hard he was. He leaned down and nipped at my neck. "Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find plenty of places to fuck on the beach," he whispered in my ear, causing me to shiver. "But for right now, I really do need to get going, sugar." He pressed a hard kiss to my lips.

I pulled back, glaring at him. "You're really going to leave me like this?"

"Trust me, I don't want to. But, how about this; if Rose is with Emmett tonight, which we both know she will be, you show me those tits and that pussy, and I'll show you this," he said, cupping himself in the middle of the parking lot.

"Oh, my _God_! You have no shame." I laughed as he shrugged and kissed me again.

"You didn't answer me. Does that sound like a good compromise?" he asked as he climbed up into his truck.

I nodded. "Yeah, I think I can deal with that. I love you."

"I love you, too," he said, and a few moments later he pulled away. I hated to see him leave, but now, I also couldn't wait until he got home.

Ooo

Chapter 19 songs:

Papa Don't Preach – Madonna

I Touch Myself – Divinyls

Video Phone – Beyonce


	21. Chapter 20

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

When I pulled into his driveway I was almost positive I had the wrong place. For the last three months, he had refused to show me any pictures, claiming that he wanted to surprise me. Well, I was surprised, all right.

The last time I'd been here, it had been run-down and in need of some serious love. As I climbed out of my car, I took notice of everything that had gone on while I was away. There was still no grass, but the earth had been tilled, and seed had been placed. The stairs were now a deep, rich wood, and the handrails were smooth and sturdy. The outside was painted a light cream color; overall, it was absolutely amazing.

I ran up the stairs quickly, this time because I needed to see him. There was no fear that I'd fall through. Once again, it had been too long, but thankfully this time I was here for _months._

I knocked on his door and was surprised when it wasn't him who answered, but a woman with short black hair and piercing blue eyes. Everything I had just been feeling dissipated into thin air. Who the hell was she?

Then she spoke up. "Hi! I'm Alice, you must be Bella! Edward asked me to come over and help clean up before you got here; he's gotten a few orders lately, so he's been busy. He's actually out in his workshop. He must have lost track of time." She spoke quickly.

"Oh! Thanks. I don't want to be rude, but I'm going to…" I trailed off as I eyed the garage.

Alice gave a quick laugh. "I was just leaving, anyway. Besides, if I only got to see Jasper every few weekends, I wouldn't be standing here, either!" She gave me a bright smile.

oOo

As I approached his workshop, I could hear the saw going and I wondered how I'd missed all that noise. I walked in slowly, my heart picking up pace. I couldn't help but feel a little leery from the last time that we were in this position, but I just kept reminding myself that he truly loved me. I made my way around to the front so he'd notice me.

He glanced up quickly, doing a double take before he switched off the saw. " _Bella_ ," he breathed out and quickly made his way around to me. "I didn't expect you here 'til three!"

I glanced up at the clock. "It's almost four, Edward." I smiled and shook my head at him.

"Well, fuck, I must have lost track of time. God, you're a sight, sugar," he said as he pulled me against him and pressed his mouth hard against mine. I moaned softly, threading my fingers through his hair.

Until I remembered what I'd thought of Alice, and I pulled back slightly. "Edward?" I mumbled against his lips.

"What is it, baby?" His lips began trailing down my neck, making it hard to concentrate.

"I thought you were cheating on me with Alice," I said bluntly.

He immediately pulled back and just looked… _hurt. "Fuck._ Are you ever going to trust me, Bella? What do I have to do? I can't keep apologizing for the rest of my life. You even said you didn't want me to apologize anymore, so tell me! What do I need to do?" he said desperately.

"It's _me,_ Edward. You're not doing anything wrong. Honestly. I know you love me, and I love you, too. I'm trying. Look! I even told you about it immediately! I didn't want to hide my feelings. I'm trying to be honest with you," I told him truthfully.

He pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms around me tightly. "Then we just both keep trying, forever. How does that sound, sugar?"

I smiled up at him. "Is that your way of asking me to marry you?" I teased.

"You won't be questioning it when I ask you to marry me, Bella. You'll know," he said seriously.

oOo

If I thought I was amazed by the outside of the house, I was extremely wrong. When we finally made our way into the house, I swear my jaw hit the floor.

The floors were polished, and the walls were back in place and freshly painted. The old couch and the card table were long gone, and in their place sat a dark brown leather sofa with matching end tables.

"Did you make these?" I asked, running my hand over the top of one.

He shrugged and actually looked somewhat embarrassed. "Yeah. They didn't take long. They're just a simple design…" he trailed off.

"I think they're gorgeous, and, oh! That table is amazing, Edward!" I exclaimed as I noticed his dining room table. It was a mixture of light and medium colored wood, all the natural beauty still shining through, but it was smooth to the touch. He came up behind me and moved my hair to one side before pressing a kiss to the spot just behind my ear.

"I've looked at that table every day, and all I can think about are all of the ways I want to fuck you on it," he growled softly in my ear, pressing his erection into my ass. I moaned and rubbed against him.

"Tell me what you want," I said, my voice shaky with need.

"I've yet to eat a meal at this table, Bella. Do you know why?" he asked, and I shook my head. "Because I wanted my first meal on it to be _you."_ His fingers slid under my skirt and ran up and down the length of my pussy, causing me to moan again.

He turned me around and lifted me up onto the table as if I weighed nothing. " _Fuck,_ I need to taste you, it's been so goddamn long." He pushed my skirt up quickly and pulled my panties from my body. Before I knew it, his head was between my legs.

"Oh _God,_ just like that," I cried out as his tongue circled my clit and then he wrapped his lips around it, sucking hard. He knew exactly what to do with my body. He kept going at it, and it was only a little while longer before I was threading my hands through his hair and grinding myself against his mouth as I reached my climax, calling out his name.

He stood up and ran the back of his hand over his mouth. "Best fucking meal this table will ever see." He undid his pants and dropped them to the floor and then grabbed my feet and wrapped my legs around his waist as he plowed into me. "Oh fuck, you need to hold on, baby."

He could only grunt as he began to set a rough pace. I wrapped my fingers around the sides of the table and clawed at them as he continued to pound into me. I loved it when he was sweet and gentle, but, God, did I love it when he fucked me hard and raw.

He moaned as I dug my heels into his ass, pressing him deeper into me. "Fuck, I'm gonna… oh, _God, Bella!"_ he called out loudly as he came deep inside me.

He leaned down on top of me, trying to catch his breath as I ran my fingers through his hair. "I really do love this table," I said with a laugh.

oOo

I sighed when I looked at the clock and saw that it was already after one in the morning. I knew I didn't _exactly_ have a curfew, but I knew my parents expected me to come home. My dad was able to turn a blind eye when I was at school, but at home? Not so much.

"I hate that you have to go," he said sadly.

"Me too, but at least I can see you tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after—"

"I get it, Bella," he said with a smirk. "Hey, do you know what tomorrow is?"

I shook my head. "No, what is it?"

"Tomorrow is the anniversary of the first day we ever spoke." He placed a kiss to my cheek.

"I… you remember that?" I said quietly.

He nodded. "Go to the beach with me tomorrow?"

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be." Didn't he know by now that he never had to ask? Even though sometimes I was still insecure, and I had my moments of doubt, they were just that, _moments_. I would follow him willingly to the ends of the earth.

oOo

Chapter 20 songs:

A Matter Of Trust – Billy Joel

Wild Wild Love – Pitbull (feat. G.R.L.)


	22. Chapter 21

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

Edward picked me up from my house early the next morning and we drove the short distance to the beach. For a moment it was odd to be coming back here this time of the year _together,_ and with no reason to hide.

We fell down into the spot that we'd usually occupied those first couple of months, and for a while, we were just silent. I kicked off my sandals and dug my toes deep into the wet sand as Edward sat next to me just staring out at the ocean. It was odd to be next to him and for him to be this quiet.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine, baby." He gave me a soft smile, but it didn't seem like he was fine at all.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I've just been thinking about something since last night, is all, and I'm not sure how to go about it." He shrugged and then wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me into his lap.

"Tell me, maybe I can help." I kissed his cheek.

He nodded and took a deep breath, pushing it out hard. "I want you to marry me." He said it clearly; there was no mistaking his words.

I stared at him wide-eyed. "I—you—wait, _what?"_

"I want you to marry me. I'm not talking tomorrow or anything, we can wait as long as you want, but I want you to go back to school with my ring on your finger. I want everyone to see it and know you're mine."

"I… are you asking because you don't trust me while I'm away? Does this have to do with Garrett?" I said quietly.

"What? No! It has to do with the fact that I've wasted too much time not doing things I love or being with people who truly matter. I got married once because I was craving attention and affection. I want to get married nowbecause I never want to know a day without you in some form or capacity. Because I can't see anything beyond a life with you."

I stared at him in awe for a few moments, taking in the green of his eyes and the color of his hair as the sun shined down on it, just as I had the first time I saw him. "I need to graduate first, Edward. I'm not going to be married and live hours away from you, I mean—"

"That's fine. As I said, we can take our time; it doesn't have to be tomorrow."

"Yes," I said, just barely above a whisper.

"Yeah?" he said back to me, and I nodded.

"I don't have a ring," he said sheepishly. "You said the whole thing about me asking you to marry me yesterday, and it was then that I realized that I really, _really_ want that."

"I don't need a ring," I said with a shrug.

"Yes, you do. We'll go tomorrow and you can pick it out."

For some reason, his insistence that I had a ring suddenly had butterflies flying around in my stomach. I felt silly and excited at the prospect of it, almost like a little girl wanting to play with her mother's jewelry. I looked up at him and bit my lip.

"What is it?"

"Could we… could we go today?" I said.

He threw his head back and laughed. "Yeah. We can go today, sugar. Come on."

oOo

We were sneaking around again, but this time for a much different reason. There were a few jewelers in town, but we decided to drive at least a half hour away to Bandon to lessen the chance of running into someone either of us knew. It was a much smaller town so the selection of shops was smaller, too.

As soon as I saw it, I knew. It was a simple white gold band with a princess cut diamond in the middle of it. "I really like that one," I said quietly.

When the man behind the counter lifted it from the case and handed it to Edward, I could feel my heart almost beating out of my chest. And when Edward slipped it onto my finger and it was a perfect fit—no adjustments necessary—I thought I would cry. I was _engaged_ to Edward.

oOo

I sat in the truck staring at the ring on my finger when suddenly a terrifying thought popped into my head.

" _Fuck_. What are we going to tell my parents? There's no way I can wear this and them not notice."

Edward just laughed. "I have no fucking clue, sugar. But we're telling them tonight, anyway. I might get my balls handed to me by your father, but I am _not_ hiding our relationship from anyone, _ever again,"_ he said as he sped down the highway toward my house.

I glanced over at him. "You really mean that, don't you?"

"With all my heart and soul, Bella."

There was something that twisted inside of me in a good way. Finally, after all this time, my brain and my heart connected and I knew that he meant every word he said to me. I was it for him, and he was it for me.

"Do we have to wait to get married? It's only an eight-hour drive to Reno. You could close up your house or rent it out and find somewhere in Eugene just until I'm done with school," I rambled.

"What's brought all this on, sugar? Earlier you were adamant that you finish school first and that we have a long engagement."

"I just… I realized finally how much you really love me, and I love you, too, _so much_. I'm just so tired of being without you, and…" I trailed off.

"Let's just see how telling your parents goes first, all right?" he said, and I nodded.

oOo

" _What do you mean, you're engaged?"_ Dad yelled.

" _Charlie_ ," my mom said in warning. "Let them speak, for Christ's sake."

"You married Mom when she was younger than I am!" I argued.

"You're right! I did! Because your mother was _pregnant!_ Oh, for fuck's sake, you're pregnant, aren't you? Did you get my little girl pregnant?" Dad rose up out of his seat, ready to go at Edward.

"I'm _not_ pregnant, Daddy! And if you don't cut this shit out, we're leaving and getting married _right now_." I glared at my father.

" _Bella._ Your dad has every right to be upset. But, Charlie." Edward turned toward my dad. "As much as I understand and respect you, I love your daughter, and we'll get married either way."

"Do whatever you want," Dad said as he stormed off.

"Just give him a little time, Bella. He'll come around," Mom said, pulling me into a hug. "I can't believe you're getting _married_."She softly kissed me on the cheek. "I'm going to go find your father. Please, just let me know if you're not coming home tonight."

I nodded and she went on her way. I hoped she was right. As angry as I was with my dad, I still wanted him at my wedding.

oOo

"I'll rent out the house and we can rent something together in Eugene, but we're not getting married until you graduate, Bella. I'm not budging on that."

I didn't understand why he was being so stubborn about this. "But—"

"Look, after you graduate, we're going to be working together. You'll be helping me run the business, and hopefully, we'll make it a huge success. But, Bella, I want to be able to concentrate on our marriage and on starting our family. I don't want tests, finals, grades, and all that other shit getting in the way."

"You just want me to be able to be barefoot and pregnant without anything else in the way." I glared at him teasingly and he rolled on top of me, kissing me soundly.

"Damn straight." He grinned and I swatted at his chest. "In all honesty, I really _do_ want to start a family with you after we're married, and I just want it all as stress-free as possible, baby."

"Fine, I can wait a few years, but you're really going to move to Eugene? What about your business and your job?" I asked.

"I can get a job as a carpenter anywhere, and as far as _our_ business, I just have to move my stuff," he said, placing another kiss to my lips. "Are you ready for bed?"

"Yeah, after today, I'm exhausted," I said as he rolled off of me and opened his arms. I curled up against him, and we both drifted off quickly.

Today had been a whirlwind.

oOo

Chapter 21 songs:

I Won't Give Up – Jason Mraz

Rude – MAGIC!


	23. Chapter 22

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

EPOV

oOo

Eugene was a college town, which meant that if we wanted to get a rental house we had to start looking sooner than later. So about a month before Bella had to return to school, we made the drive up to look at a few properties.

The first two houses that we looked at were a definite no. They looked as if they hadn't been updated since the late seventies. The last one we looked at, though, was perfect for us. It was a small one bedroom house that had recently been updated with hardwood floors and fresh paint and had a small detached garage perfect for my workshop. We filled out the necessary paperwork and were told we'd hear back from them in about two days.

"I really hope we get that house." Bella sighed as we walked into our motel room.

I smirked at her. "Well, unless you've got insanely terrible credit, or have some secret past, I think we're all right."

"I guess I'll need to get a job once school starts back up, won't I?" she said as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Why would you do that, sugar?"

"Well, rent and groceries aren't free," she replied with an eye roll.

"No, but I'm renting out my house, which takes care of the mortgage and then some, and business has been picking up slowly. Besides, I don't want you getting a job," I told her honestly.

"I don't want to be some kept woman, Edward." She glared at me.

"I know, and I have no intentions of making you one. School is your job for right now." I sighed.

"I just want to help." She pouted.

"You going to school _is_ helping, remember?"

"Fine," she huffed, "but if you ever need me to help out with money, you'll let me know?"

"Promise." I sat down, pulling her into my arms and holding her against me. I was happy I had won that so easily.

oOo

It was just a couple days later that I got the call that we were approved for the place, and I couldn't help the feeling of excitement that rushed through me. We finally got to be together on a full-time basis, something I knew we were both longing for.

I called Bella quickly, and after I told her the news I was met with one of the girliest shrieks I'd ever heard. Oddly enough, it warmed my heart. After I got off the phone with her I called Jasper and explained the situation.

"Really? We just spent all those months fixing that place up for you to rent it out?" he said with a chuckle.

"If Alice lived two hours from you almost seven months out of the year, you'd do it too."

"Without a doubt, man. So things with you and Bella are good, I'm guessing?"

I realized how long it had been since we'd spoken. We were both busy, and time had just slipped away. "Uh, yeah. Actually, I asked her to marry me back in May."

" _What!_ That's fucking amazing, man! Congratulations!" he replied happily. I thanked him and we ended our phone call shortly after. He'd be by the next day to help me pack up.

The realization that I hadn't told Jasper, who was like a brother to me, that I was getting married, brought me to another realization. I'd have to tell my family. The last thing I wanted was to subject Bella to my parents and sister.

oOo

"Okay, what's up with you? You were so happy when you called earlier about the house. Now you're… I don't even know. Are you having second thoughts?"

"What! No. I'm _more_ than happy about the house and about being with you. It's just that I spoke to Jasper earlier, and I realized I hadn't told him we were getting married. Then I realized… my family doesn't know either," I said, running my hand through my hair nervously.

"Oh. Well, I get the mood, now. Next time just tell me what's going on, okay? Do you _want_ to tell them? You don't have to; you don't have to see them again if you choose not to, Edward." She sat down on my lap, curling up against me.

"That's just it, I don't know what I want to do. I remember when I was little, my parents weren't bad. It was more when I got into high school and I just didn't have the interest in college or some 'prestigious'job that they started getting on my case. I still don't understand why I wasn't good enough," I said sadly.

"You're _more_ than good enough, Edward. Maybe a little rough around the edges and a little hot-headed." She smirked at me. "But you've got such a good heart, you're kind, smart, and you're so very talented. If anyone, even your own family, can't see those things, they're not worth your time."

I nodded in reply, still trying to work out exactly how I felt about the situation.

oOo

I tossed and turned all night. Bella's mom had suggested to her that she spend her last night at home with them. Once we moved, we'd be living in Eugene full time for the next three years, aside from holidays. Without her beside me, it was nearly impossible to calm my racing mind.

I went over and over in my head if I wanted to see my parents or my sister again. For the majority of my adult life, I had been treated as if I was less than them, mainly by my father, though my mother and sister were far from innocent.

It was finally around four in the morning that I came to the conclusion that I would see them and tell them that I was getting married again. If they so much as had a bad word to say about me, or even worse, about Bella, that would be the end of our relationship. I was starting my _own_ family, and if they chose not to be part of it, I would be okay with that.

oOo

Jasper showed up at the house around ten in the morning, and I was definitely dragging after not getting much sleep.

"Man, you look like hell," Jasper said as he greeted me, and I just glared.

"Didn't get much sleep," I grunted out.

"Did Bella stay over?" he said with a grin and a raise of his eyebrow.

"No. I had shit on my mind," I huffed and he kept quiet.

We'd been working in silence for around an hour, packing and loading boxes into the trailer I'd connected to my truck when I heard a car pull into the driveway.

A smile spread across my face as I watched Bella climb out of her car. She had on tiny little black shorts and a white top with black polka dots on it that clung perfectly to her. Jasper let out a low whistle and I shoved him, hard. "That's my girl you're looking at. Watch yourself," I growled at him before I ran down the porch steps to greet her.

I pulled her into my arms and pressed my mouth hungrily against hers. After a bit, I pulled back. "Hey, baby," I whispered against her lips.

"Hey." She grinned up at me.

"Come on, come meet Jasper," I said as I grabbed her hand and pulled her up to the porch.

oOo

It only took us a few hours to get everything packed up into the truck. Since Emily kept everything from our old house aside from a few odds and ends, I didn't have all that much. Aside from my furniture and tools, it was just the bare necessities. Bella still lived at home, so all she really had was the contents of her room.

"Drive safe, and I'm really happy for you, man. Bella's a sweet girl," Jasper said as he pulled me in for an actual hug.

"It was really good meeting you, Jasper," Bella said as she came up behind me.

"You, too, Bella. Take care of this asshole, okay?" Jasper grinned at her at her as he hopped into his own truck.

oOo

Sadly, we had to make the two-hour trek to Eugene in separate cars, since Bella needed her car and I needed my truck for work. So we climbed into our separate vehicles and started our drive.

I'd have to tell her the decision I'd made about my parents later.

oOo

Chapter 22 songs:

Our House – Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

With A Little Help From My Friends – Joe Cocker


	24. Chapter 23

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

EPOV

oOo

Unless it was Thanksgiving or Christmas, I didn't normally make it a habit to visit my parents. Let's face it, who would willingly subject themselves to being put down on a regular basis? So when I called my mother to let her know that I was coming to visit and that I had something I needed to discuss with them, to say she was surprised was an understatement.

"We don't have to do this, you know that, right?" Bella asked me as we climbed into my truck.

I sighed heavily. "I know, and I'm not even sure why I _am_ doing this. I know the end result."

"Because you want to be hopeful. Because they're your family and you want them to care," she said softly while she laced her fingers with mine.

She was right. I wanted to be hopeful, and I wanted them to care. I knew that after all of these years it was unlikely anything would have changed in the months that I hadn't seen them, but before I could start a true life with Bella, I had to give them one last opportunity. If they truly couldn't accept me, I would be done with them.

oOo

Salem wasn't very far from Eugene, just a little over an hour, so it was all too soon that we were pulling into their driveway. I shut off the truck and took a deep breath. "Maybe I can't do this. If they say anything about you, Bella, I—"

"Don't worry, I'm a big girl. I'm sure I can handle them on my own." She shrugged.

"I wish I didn't have to worry about this crap. Why was I born to such shitty people?" I grumbled as we climbed out of the truck and made our way up the porch steps. I knocked on the door and waited for a few moments before my mother answered.

"Edward, it's nice to see you," she said just as coolly as ever. "Oh! And who's this? Are you babysitting?" my mother asked with a smirk.

"No, this is my fiancée, Bella. Bella, this is my mother, Elizabeth Cullen," I said through gritted teeth. It was only when Bella placed her hand on my forearm that I felt myself physically relax.

"It's _so_ nice to meet you, Mrs. Cullen," Bella said, barely hiding her sarcasm as she offered her hand and my mother took it with slight disdain. Once again, I had to wonder how she gave birth to me.

"Well, come in. Your father should be home shortly. Your aunt and uncle are also planning to come to dinner." Mother rolled her eyes. If there was anyone my mother liked less than me, it was my Uncle Carlisle. Oddly enough, he and I had a lot in common. It was just that he lived in Portland, or I'm sure we'd see each other more often. We at least chatted on the phone from time to time.

oOo

"So, was this your big news? That you're remarrying, and to someone half your age? The ink on your divorce papers must hardly be dry, Edward," my father said after I introduced him to Bella.

"It's almost been a year that I've been divorced. And it's more of a courtesy that I'm letting you know that I'm getting married. I don't expect you to be happy for us. I've learned over the years that nothing I do will be good enough for you or for my mother," I said, trying to keep my tone even.

My father glared in my direction. "That's because you could have been something great. We were ready to give you the world, Edward, and look where you are now. You're doing backbreaking jobs, you're divorced, and now essentially marrying a… _child._ If you had just gone to college—"

"He could have ended up like you?" Bella cut in. "Edward _is_ something great. He's a good man, and I'm sorry that you've decided to look past all the things he _has_ achievedand to focus on all the things he _hasn't._ I'm sorry, Edward, but we're not sitting here and listening to your parents belittle you a minute longer." Bella stood from her chair and held out her hand to me, which I gladly took. I didn't say another word to either of them as we left. I had heard worse over the years, but this was proof enough that it was never going to get any better.

Just as we were walking out of the house, my aunt and uncle were getting out of their car.

"It's been too long, Edward," Carlisle said as he pulled me into a hug. "And who is this pretty girl?" he asked, causing me to smile for the first time all evening.

"This is Bella, my fiancée," I told him proudly as Bella reached out her hand, but Carlisle pulled her in for a hug.

"It's good to meet you, Bella," he said warmly.

"It's good to meet you, too," Bella said in return.

"Is everything all right though, Edward? I thought we were all having dinner together?"

"Yeah, I just can't do this anymore, Carlisle. I can't come here just to be beaten down each and every time," I said sadly.

Carlisle sighed and shook his head. "I'll never understand where my brother adopted this whole _holier-than-thou_ attitude, but I agree. You don't need to subject yourself to it. I know we're not exactly the closest, but you'll always have Esme's and my support."

I nodded. "That means a lot to me, thanks. We're going to head out, though."

"I understand. I expect an invite to the wedding, though." He smiled and we said our goodbyes.

oOo

It was quiet on the drive home. There wasn't much that I wanted to say, and I wasn't sure what was going on in Bella's head.

Finally, we pulled into our driveway and we both slowly climbed out of the truck. We climbed the stairs of the porch in silence, but once we walked inside our home Bella wrapped her arms around me. I felt her tears, warm and wet, against my neck.

"Bella? What is it, baby? Why are you crying?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"I'm sorry, it's just so hard for me to understand how they could treat you like that. They're your parents, and parents are supposed to love you no matter what," she said with a sob.

"Hey," I said as I grasped her face in my hands and tilted it up toward mine. "I have you, and I have Jasper and Alice, and my aunt and uncle. One day, we'll have a baby, and I'll know exactly what _not_ to do. I will love them no matter what," I said, finding myself getting a little choked up as well. "You're my family, and whoever else I choose to be in it," I said quietly and softly kissed her lips.

It was odd to think that I really might never see my parents again, but that was a choice they had made long ago. It would be a lie to say that it didn't hurt, but I knew that as long as I had Bella, and surrounded myself with people who honestly cared about our well-being, I would be just fine.

oOo

Chapter 23 songs:

Escape from the A-Bomb House – Less Than Jake

My Best Friend – Tim McGraw


	25. Chapter 24

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

 **A/N: So, we're getting close to the end here, lovelies. We have 2 more chapters and then and Epilogue. I can't tell you all how much I enjoyed writing this fic, and I hope you all have enjoyed reading it! Thanks for all your reviews and support!**

oOo

It was a cold morning in early December that Aiden McCarty came into the world. Thankfully Rose was born and raised in Eugene, so we were still able to stay close all throughout her pregnancy, even with her taking a hiatus from school for a year.

" _Edward!"_ I shouted across the house and he came hurrying into the living room.

"What? What's wrong?" he said frantically.

"Rose had the baby! We have to go!" I was so excited I was practically vibrating.

He chuckled. "Shouldn't we give them some space? She just popped a kid out." I pouted. "We'll go this afternoon, I promise."

" _Fine_ ,"I said as I flopped onto the couch. He smirked at me as he headed outside to the garage to work. I knew he was right. They deserved some time alone with their new baby and their families. That didn't mean I liked it.

oOo

I tried to busy myself most of the morning. I decided that if I couldn't go to the hospital immediately to see Aiden, I could at least cook and freeze a meal for Rose. It was a suggestion from my mom.

After I'd successfully made a pan of macaroni and cheese and a pan of brownies, I looked at the clock, disappointed to see that it was only half past eleven. It was a few minutes later that I heard the front door open and shut.

"Oh! You made macaroni and cheese _and_ brownies?" Edward said as he reached out a hand, but I slapped it away.

"Yes, but not for you. I'm going to freeze the macaroni and cheese for Emmett and Rose. Do you think we could go yet?" I sighed.

"Yeah. Go get your coat and we'll head up there." He smiled.

oOo

"Oh, Rose. He's beyond perfect," I said as I held Aiden in my arms, looking down at his little face and his sweet, pouty lips.

"He is, isn't he? I never knew I could love someone so much." She sighed. Thankfully her labor and delivery had been easy, as far as they go. She said it was still the most painful thing she'd ever experienced, but she'd expected so much worse.

"Do you want to hold him, Edward?" I asked, glancing over at him and noticing a bit of anxiety in his eyes.

"Oh, I don't—I've never held a baby, I don't want to break him," he said quietly, and I laughed softly.

"You won't break him. Here, put out your arms." I placed Aiden gently in his arms. Edward was stiff at first, but after a while, he relaxed.

If I had thought Edward Cullen was hot before, I was extremely wrong. Edward holding a baby? There were no words to describe it, and I would swear I felt my ovaries suddenly explode in response to the sight of it. I knew we still had a long wait, but my dreams would forever be filled with visions of Edward cradling our baby in his arms.

About an hour later, we said our goodbyes to Rose and Emmett, with promises of visiting when they were settled in at home.

oOo

It felt like time flew by, and suddenly Christmas morning was upon us. We'd be driving down to spend the evening and part of the next day with my parents, but we wanted to have the morning to ourselves. Last year, things had been rocky between us still, and this was the first time we were together for the holiday. We wanted it to be special.

We sat in front of our tree and handed each other a present. I sat and watched, holding my breath as he tore through the paper and opened the box.

"Bella, this is amazing!" he said as he lifted the branding iron out from the box. Now he could mark every piece that he created with a 'Cullen Carpentry' logo.

"Are you sure? I know it's not much," I said quietly.

"It's perfect, Bella. Thank you." He leaned in and placed a kiss to my lips. "All right, open yours."

I ripped through the paper and stared down at the book in my hands. I opened it, gasping as I slowly flipped through the pages. It was filled with Edward's thoughts and feelings, from his thoughts on the first time he saw me, to what he felt the day that he decided to push me away, and the day that he entered back into my life. It was also filled with pictures that we had taken throughout the year.

I looked up at him, tears brimming at my eyes. "I don't even know—" I started to say, but couldn't finish. I knew it had taken a lot of effort on his part to let me in, so to have this book with so many of his thoughts and feelings; there were just no words.

"I know you finally understand how much I love you Bella, but I just wanted you to have this, so if you ever doubt—" I climbed into his lap and captured his lips with mine.

"I have no doubts anymore, Edward. I didn't before you gave me this," I gestured to the book, "but this still means _so much_ ,"I said as he wrapped his arms around me.

"There's one more present." He said as he adjusted me on his lap so he could reach around to grab a box and place it on my lap.

I opened it quickly and smirked up at him. "Is this for me or for you?" I said as I pulled the scraps of black lace out of the box.

"Let's just say it has mutual benefits." He grinned and leaned down to run kisses along my neck. "I wouldn't be upset if you wanted to try it on, you know."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh, you're sure it wouldn't be an inconvenience?"

"No, not at all. Go ahead. I'll wait here." He grinned as I stood up off of his lap and made my way into the bedroom to get changed.

When I walked back out to the living room, I noticed that he'd moved to the couch. "Oh, fuck, I knew that would look amazing on you." He groaned, his eyes trailing up and down my body, taking in the way the black lace thong and bra clung to my curves. I made my way over to him and he ran his hands up and down my thighs, sending shivers throughout my body. It was then that I had another idea for a present for Edward.

I dropped to my knees in front of him and slowly undid his pants, his gaze following my every move as I pulled his cock free from his jeans. I gave it a few good pumps with my hand before looking up at him.

"Merry Christmas," I said before I lowered my head and wrapped my lips around his cock.

His reaction was immediate. "Oh, _fuck_ , your mouth, so fucking good," he grunted out as he slipped his fingers into my hair. I worked him slowly with my mouth, purposely driving him crazy, until finally on one pass I took him deep enough to hit the back of my throat. "Oh God, Bella. You have to stop, I need, _fuck,_ I need to be inside you." He panted as he pulled me up and on to his lap.

"Ride me, _please,_ baby," he practically begged as he pulled my new panties to the side. I gripped him with my hand, pressing the tip of him to my entrance as I slowly slid down his length. He let out a deep moan, throwing his head back against the couch as I started to ride him. His hands reached around to grip at my ass, lifting and helping me to keep the pace he needed.

"Fuck, you feel so goddamn good, you gotta come baby. Play with yourself, I can't hold on," he grunted as he started to thrust up into me each time I came down. It was a first, but I didn't even need to touch myself. It was a mixture of his thrusts, his words, and the absolute lust-filled look in his eyes that sent me over the edge. I gasped and panted as I came hard around his cock, feeling him spill inside of me at the same time.

I fell down against him, both of us breathing heavily as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"I think we're going to be a little late getting to my parents' house," I said after a while.

He chuckled softly. "Guess so. Let's go get cleaned up, then we'll head out."

I didn't care how late we were going to be, this had been one of the best Christmases I had ever had.

oOo

Chapter 24 songs:

Circle of Life – Elton John

Wit It This Christmas – Ariana Grande


	26. Chapter 25

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

A/N: So I'm posting early, since there is just this chapter and then chapter 26 is the final regular chapter, but there will also be an epilogue. I'll post Chapter 26 tomorrow, and the epilogue soon after!

oOo

It felt as if I blinked and suddenly I was starting my fourth and final year at The University of Oregon.

Over the last three years, Edward's, or really, _our_ ,business had grown. As I got closer to completing my degree, I started taking more of an active role in certain areas. Instead of just depending on word of mouth, we now had an advertisement that ran in the local paper, a Facebook page and Instagram to showcase his work, and I was also able to get our business card on the desk of a few realtors. Not to mention, I was working as his bookkeeper.

Now, he worked only part-time with the contracting company and devoted most of his days to trying to keep up with the slight demand. He was exhausted but thrilled all the same. There was a light in his eyes I had never seen before.

We'd also discussed living arrangements in great detail and came to the conclusion business was starting to boom in Eugene, and we didn't want to rock that boat. We both loved the house in Coos Bay that he had put so much time and effort into, but we'd decided just continue to rent it out. So on top of completing my degree, helping to run a business, and plan a wedding, we added house hunting to the mix, as well.

oOo

I stayed just as close as ever to Rose, who had stuck to her goals and was now only a year away from graduating. Aiden was a handful, but most toddlers were.

I had also in that time grown close to Alice, as well. She and Jasper made the drive up to Eugene every few weekends. Edward had even spoken to Jasper about hiring him to help out for a day or two a week, which Jasper jumped at. So in a few months, they'd be joining us in Eugene, where Jasper had already secured a job at the same company Edward worked for, but on a full-time basis. Edward would have his best friend back at his side, and I'd have my two best girlfriends in the same town. I was thrilled.

oOo

It was mid-October when I finally found the perfect wedding dress, and I was thankful to finally check something off on my wedding to-do list.

Alice, Rose, my mother and I had all driven up to Portland one weekend to go dress shopping. We hadn't been shopping for long when I spied a dress on the rack that I knew I had to try.

As soon as I stepped out of the dressing room and saw myself in it, I knew that it was the one. It was traditional white and had a gorgeous lace top with a plunging v-neckline that showed off just enough cleavage for my taste. At the waist was a satin belt that flowed into a skirt of soft netted material. I was absolutely in love.

When I turned around, I noticed that my mom had tears in her eyes. "Oh, my baby," she said quietly. "I can't believe you're getting _married._ You look like a princess. It's perfect."

"It is perfect, Bella. I don't think you're going to find anything that is going to give you the same glow you have right now," Alice chimed in, and Rose nodded.

"Your mom is right, you really do look like a princess," Rose added.

I couldn't wipe the grin off of my face that afternoon when we left the shop. Even if our bank account was a little lighter.

oOo

"So, you know how we've been looking at house after house, and just nothing is fitting what we want?" Edward asked me one evening after dinner.

I looked up at him. "Yes. Where are you going with this?"

"Well, I was just thinking, what if we bought a piece of property and I helped build the house?"

"Edward, I think it's an amazing idea, but between building furniture and you working part-time, plus the issue of money? Do we honestly have the money to build a house from _scratch?"_ I wasn't wanting to burst his bubble, but the idea made me nervous.

He shrugged. "With what we charge for rent on the other house, we've been making a nice profit. When I was married to Emily I started a savings account, and there's a pretty good amount in there. Business is picking up, and we were pre-approved for another mortgage, so…"

I nodded. "It seems like you've looked into all of this, so… yes. Let's do this!" I said excitedly. Slowly, everything was falling into place for us.

Until it wasn't.

oOo

I stared down at the pregnancy test in my hand. _Positive_. It was positive. It was the beginning of December, and I'd had the flu the week before, so all of the vomiting and fatigue had made sense. It was when the fever and the chills disappeared and I basically felt better, but the vomiting and just being so _tired_ all the time persisted that Rose convinced me to take a test.

I had accidentally missed a few pills last month, but I hadn't thought much of it. I was such an idiot. I had no clue how I was going to tell Edward.

"Bella? You okay?" I heard him call through the bathroom door.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be right out," I called back as I wiped the tears from my face.

oOo

I walked into the kitchen to get dinner started and was startled when I saw Edward sitting at the table looking over some of the sketches he'd made for a few recent orders. I was hoping to hide from him for a little while longer.

He looked up from his work. "Bella? Why do you look like you've been crying?"

"I'm fine, Edward," I said quietly as he continued to stare at me, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"Really? Are you sure it's not over the fact that you're pregnant?" he said bluntly.

I gasped, dropping the pot that I had just filled with water. It made a loud clang and water spilled everywhere. " _Fuck!_ " I yelled as Edward jumped up from his seat.

"Go sit down, sugar. I'll clean this up, all right?" He left the kitchen to get a few towels and I sat down at the table.

After he cleaned up my mess, he sat down next to me at the table. "So, I'll assume I was right, then? You're pregnant?"

I nodded as tears started to stream down my face. "I'm sorry, I know it's not when we planned. Everything had just been so hectic, and I forgot a few pills, and—wait, how did you know?"

"Because you've been throwing up like clockwork every day for the last two weeks, sugar." He smirked slightly. "But it's _fine,_ baby _._ It's more than fine. Maybe it's not the perfect time, but you're almost done with school, business is so good, we'll start on the house next year. I'm _happy_ about this, Bella. I'm going to be a _daddy._ " He smiled at me, tears filling his eyes as he pulled me onto his lap.

I laid my head on his shoulder as he held me tightly to him. "I really, truly am happy, Bella. What do you say instead of making dinner, we order Chinese?" It literally sounded like the best idea I had ever heard. I wasn't sure how soon cravings could start, but all I knew was I needed chicken lo mein, and now.

oOo

We were about halfway through dinner when a thought popped into my head and I gasped, causing Edward to look up. "What is it, baby?"

"My dress… my wedding dress! I'll be close to six months pregnant! It's not going to fit!" I sobbed.

"Can't you call them and explain, sugar? I'm sure they can do alterations," Edward said calmly.

I nodded, hoping that he was right. I didn't want to give that dress up.

oOo

Chapter 25 song:

Complicated — Kip Moore


	27. Chapter 26

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

My mom took the news of my pregnancy way better than my dad. She told me that she was proud of me, that I was twenty-two years old, almost a college graduate, and that I was engaged _before_ this baby decided to come along. She also couldn't wait to be a grandma.

My dad, well, he just took the news _differently._ He wasn't exactly upset, it was more so the fact, even beyond my upcoming marriage, that I was truly growing up. He was having a hard time letting go of his little girl. Even if he wasn't jumping for joy at the moment, I knew once this baby was here, he'd be the best grandpa around.

Which led me into a whole other string of emotions. Our baby would most likely only ever have one set of grandparents. Which for my child, that was fine, my parents would surely pick up the slack. But for Edward? He didn't say it—he rarely spoke of his parents—but as the days grew closer to our wedding and my stomach started to pop out, I knew it was on his mind.

oOo

"It's not too late to invite them, you know," I said one evening while we were curled up on the couch.

"Invite who, sugar?"

"Your parents. It's not too late," I said quietly.

He sighed deeply, sitting up and running a hand over his face. "I don't want to invite them, Bella. It's been what, three years? I'm there goddamn son, their _child,_ and they haven't tried to contact me _once!"_

"You're right," I said softly. "I just wanted you to know that it was okay with me if you did."

He sat back and pulled me against him, placing his hands over my stomach. "I appreciate it, baby, but no. I tried with them for a long time; it's their problem now. I'm not the one keeping them away."

It was then that the baby gave a nice, strong kick to his hand and Edward smiled. "See, little man agrees."

I laughed. "How are you so sure it's a boy? The baby wouldn't cooperate and show us!"

"Because it has to be a boy. I can't have a girl, Bella. I know what boys think about. And _worse_ , I know what dirty thirty-year-old men think about some eighteen-year-old girls." He leaned in to kiss my neck.

I pushed him away teasingly. "Ew, you're right. It better be a boy."

oOo

The days flew by and before I knew it, I was standing in my old bedroom at my parents' house while Rose, Alice, and my mother helped me into my dress.

Thankfully, Edward was right. I called the dress shop and they told me that it happened pretty often. They were willing to help and make sure that by the time my wedding day was here, my dress still fit perfectly.

And it did. With how the skirt of the dress flowed out, I could almost pretend that I wasn't pregnant. Not that it mattered to me or anyone important to me.

oOo

Our wedding was small and consisted of only our family and friends. Both the ceremony and reception would be taking place on the beach just before sunset. It made sense to have it there since it was where our story started.

Edward and Charlie had actually grown to like each other over the years, so it wasn't a huge surprise when Dad approached us and offered to pay for the whole wedding, and we gladly accepted. He had apparently been saving up for a few years, and since it was a smaller wedding than he'd imagined, the money stretched farther than we expected.

As the limo pulled up to the parking lot closest to the beach, my breath caught at the sight before me. It was one thing to envision and explain what you wanted your wedding day to look like, but actually seeing it was overwhelming and beautiful. And in the distance, I could see Edward along with Jasper and Emmett waiting for me.

The door to the limousine opened, and Rose and Alice climbed out first. Once I stepped out and the girls made sure I was perfect once again, they both hugged me and left to take their turns walking down the aisle.

Then it was just me and Dad.

"You're beautiful, Bella," he said quietly, his voice catching slightly.

"Thank you, Daddy," I said softly, willing myself not to cry.

"You can hardly even tell that you're knocked up," he said with a watery grin, and I gave a short laugh.

"Thanks, Dad." I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't keep the smile off my face. Leave it to my dad to lighten the mood.

"Any time. Now, come on, I think someone is waiting for you." He held out his arm and it was finally my turn to walk down the aisle.

oOo

As Edward and I stood before the preacher and made our vows to one another, it felt as if everyone around us was slowly fading away and there was nothing left but the two of us. And when we slipped our rings onto each others' fingers, I felt as if I would burst from excitement and happiness.

But it was when the preacher finally pronounced us as husband and wife, telling Edward that he may now kiss his bride, that the whole world stopped. Edward cradled my face gently in his hands and pressed his lips slowly against mine, savoring the moment. I didn't know if it was minutes or hours that passed before we finally broke apart, all I knew was that Edward was finally my husband.

And then, when Edward let out a loud whoop and grabbed my hand to lead me back down the aisle, if I'd had any doubt about him left in me, which I didn't, it would have melted away. The look of pure love and joy on his face was noticeable by anyone.

oOo

Hours passed by while everyone enjoyed good food, drinks, and dancing on the beach.

"Do you mind if I cut in?" I heard some ask from behind Edward. When I peeked over his shoulder, I noticed Jake standing there.

"Jake! I didn't think you could make it!" I said, surprised.

He shrugged. "I wasn't sure I'd be able to. Do you mind if I have a minute with Bella?" He looked at Edward.

"Yeah, sure. I'll go see if Alice wants a dance," he said, but not before leveling Jake with a heated look. I just rolled my eyes.

"So, you're _married_ ,"Jake said.

I smiled. "I am."

"You know, I really used to think it would be me and you, Bella. I held out hope for a lot of years."

"Jake, I—"

"No, what I'm trying to say is coming out all wrong. What I'm _trying_ to say is I get it now. As much as I used to wish for it, I could never make you smile like he does. I get it, because I've found a girl who does that for me. So, all I can say is, I get it and I hope you'll always be this happy." He kissed me on the cheek. "You better get back to him."

I nodded. "I'm glad you're happy, too, Jake," I said before turning to find my husband.

oOo

"You looked absolutely breathtaking today, Mrs. Cullen," Edward said as he placed kisses down my neck.

Being six, close to seven months pregnant, I had no desire to travel far for our honeymoon. Instead, we opted for renting a beach house a little further up the coast in Lincoln City.

"You didn't look so bad yourself, Mr. Cullen," I said as I leaned back against him and his hands ran up and down my sides slowly.

"I want to get you out of this dress." His whisper in my ear caused me to shiver. He stepped back a little and began slowly unbuttoning the back of my dress. When he reached the very last button he pushed my dress from my shoulders, sending it to pool at my feet and leaving me in nothing but my white thong.

"Turn around for me, sugar." His voice was deep and husky, and I turned to face him.

"God, have I told you how gorgeous you are pregnant? I mean, you've _always_ been stunning, but, God, baby." He attacked my mouth with his, running his thumbs softly over my nipples, causing me to moan into his mouth.

"I need you, Edward," I said, pulling away from him and slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Working together, we quickly shed him of the rest of his clothing and he slipped my thong down my legs, helping me to step out of them. Then we made our way to the bed.

"I love you so much, Bella," he said as I slowly sank down onto him, causing me to cry out. We were at a point in my pregnancy where we had to be creative with our positions, and as much as I enjoyed it from behind or on our sides, I needed to see his face right now.

He gripped at my hips, moaning deeply as I rose up and sank back down repeatedly. "I love you, too, Edward. Oh God, so much." I gasped as his hand slid between us, slowly circling my clit.

"You feel so good, baby. _Fuck,_ how did I get so lucky?" He groaned as he started to meet my thrusts with his own. It wasn't long before I felt my own release approaching. I knew he could feel it, too, as he quickened his fingers on my clit, causing me to fall apart, moaning his name loudly.

"Oh God, Bella," he said as he thrust up into me a few more times before I felt him warm inside of me.

After a moment, I rolled off of him and he pulled me into his arms. "I'll never be able to express how happy I am, Bella. You've changed my life in so many fucking _amazing_ ways. I don't know what I'd ever do without you."

There was a time when I thought I'd never see Edward again, that what we had was truly one-sided. There had been a million reasons why I knew I should walk away, and even when he sought me out that first time, I'd had my doubts.

But in the end, all I needed was one good reason to stay, and that was the fact that he held my heart in his hands, and I held his in mine. I loved him deeply and fiercely, and I knew, now and forever, that he loved me the same.

oOo

Chapter 26 songs:

Daddy's Little Girl - The Shires

Sweetheart - Thoman Rhett


	28. Epilogue

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

Thanks to MeteorOnAMoonlessNight for being my beta and Sara aka Nikki Black for pre-reading!

oOo

It was nearing the end of August and it was hot as hell. It didn't help that I was nine months pregnant so I was my own personal furnace. I was lucky, though—aside from being extremely hot all the time, having to pee every five minutes, and not being able to sleep anymore—I'd had a really easy pregnancy.

I stood in front of our new home, staring in awe. It wasn't my first time seeing it. I'd been out here plenty of times over the last few months, but it was my first time seeing it complete, knowing that everything was ready for us inside. Edward has insisted on hiring a moving company that would also unpack everything for us. He didn't want anything to cause me stress, especially when I was so close to having the baby.

"You ready to go in, sugar?" Edward asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist; well, as much as he could.

"You all really outdid yourselves; it looks amazing, baby," I told him.

He kissed the top of my head, his hand rubbing slow circles on my swollen stomach. "Nothing but the best for my little family. Come on, let's go check out the inside so you can rearrange everything five hundred times and fold all the baby's clothes again."

"It's called _nesting."_ I glared at him.

I took one step forward and all of a sudden felt a huge gush of water from between my legs. "Edward?"

"Bella? Did your… did your water just break?"

He stared at me and I just nodded.

"Holy fuck. Our bag is in the car, right? We have to get to the hospital!" He grabbed my hand and lead me to the car. All I could do was nod again. I was thankful that I had the forethought to put the bag in _my_ car since I could hardly climb up into the truck without assistance while I _wasn't_ in labor.

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It was August twenty-second at eleven-fifty at night when Harper Rose Cullen made her entrance into the world. There were no words to describe the way I felt as soon as I heard her cry. I was a _mom_. All those months of feeling her kick and squirm inside of me, it almost felt odd to be holding this tiny person _outside_ of my body.

"She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, Bella," Edward said as he stood beside me, running his fingers softly over her full head of copper hair.

"She really is. I kind of can't believe she's here and that we're responsible for this little life. It's kind of overwhelming."My eyes started to brim with tears.

"Hey, it's going to be fine, sugar. We're going to do just fine." He kissed me softly on the lips and gently lifted Harper from my arms. "Try and get some sleep now, baby. I got this." I gave him a small, exhausted smile, thankful that he was so confident in mine and his abilities. One of us had to be. It wasn't long before I felt myself drift off to sleep.

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As the weeks went on Edward, Harper, and myself slipped into a comfortable routine. All of the nerves and fears that I had those first moments after she was born slowly started to dissipate as I began to feel more comfortable in my role as a mother. The only setback I had was that I wasn't able to breastfeed. I just hadn't made enough milk, and at the end of the day, my baby needed to eat one way or another. That's not to say I didn't feel like a failure at first, but to see Edward holding her in the middle of the night, staring down at her while he fed her, kind of made it worth it.

All of my family and our friends had visited while we were in the hospital, or had come to the house once we got settled in, including Edward's aunt and uncle. That meant that Edward's parents knew about our marriage and the arrival of Harper, but still, there was no phone call, no sign of them or his sister reaching out. I'd never understood how the love for a child could have conditions.

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It was early one morning after Edward had already left the house to get started on his day that there was a knock at the door. It didn't happen often, but there were times when Edward would forget his keys, so I opened the door expecting him to have forgotten something. The last person I expected to see was Elizabeth Cullen.

"Mrs. Cullen?" I asked, confused.

"It's Isabella, correct?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. Now, may I ask what you're doing here? It's been a long time, Mrs. Cullen," I said coolly.

She sighed heavily. "It _has_ been a long time. And, please, call me Elizabeth."

"Right. So, like I asked, _Elizabeth,_ why the _hell_ are you here?"

"You have every right to be angry with me. Carlisle told us about the wedding and the baby… and I just wanted to see my granddaughter one time. I've been a terrible mother and I understand if you won't even allow me that."

I was so focused on what was going on in front of me, that I didn't even hear him approach. "Three years, Elizabeth. You didn't speak to me for three years, and then there are the countless years that you and my _father_ ridiculed and belittled me, and you think you have the right to show up on my doorstep and ask my wife to see our daughter?"

"Edward, I…" his mother began.

" _No! I asked what gives you the right?"_ he yelled.

"There _is_ nothing that gives me the right. All I can say is that I'm sorry, I'm _so sorry._ I thought that your father was right; that we could get through to you with tough love, that we could force you to have the life we thought you deserved."

"I have a _better_ life than what you thought I deserved. A wife that loves me, a beautiful little girl, a thriving business. I have _everything_ I could _ever_ want, Elizabeth."

"I know that now, Edward. I'll never be able to apologize enough for how I treated you," she said as her voice broke.

"You can see Harper for a moment, she's sleeping." He sighed and brushed passed his mother. "Is that okay with you, Bella?"

I nodded. "Whatever you want, Edward."

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"She's beautiful, Edward. She looks just like you when you were her age," Elizabeth said quietly.

Edward just nodded, but I could see the confusion and pain in his eyes.

"I just wanted to see her. I'll leave you all alone now." Elizabeth choked on her words.

"If you want to see her again, you can come back next week. But we have _a lot_ to talk about, you hear me?" he said to his mother.

"I-I'd love that, Edward. I'll just let myself out." No sooner did we hear the front door click than Edward leaned his head on my shoulder as heavy sobs wracked his body.

"Why wasn't I good enough before, Bella?" His voice was thick with emotion.

"Oh, Edward. You've always been good enough, baby. _Always_ ," I whispered, running my fingers through his hair and trying to soothe him.

"I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward," I said, kissing the top of his head.

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Elizabeth visited every week to see Harper and to talk with Edward. Unfortunately, Edward's father and sister were still just as stubborn as ever and might never come around. Elizabeth said she couldn't live with herself if she had let it go much longer; it ate at her every day. Add in the fact that she had a grandchild, and she just knew the whole situation was wrong.

It was the middle of the night and Harper had woken up hungry. Edward offered to take care of her, and there wasn't any way I was saying no to that.

I was laying in bed trying to fall back asleep when I heard him over the baby monitor.

"You know Daddy loves you, right, baby girl? I know I've told you before, but I mean it, Harper. There is _nothing_ you could ever do to stop me from loving you. My mom and dad, well, they didn't seem to care about me very much. My mom is trying to fix that now, which isn't so easy. But, baby girl, there are no words to describe what you and Mommy mean to me. I love you both _so much._ "

Hearing his conversation with our daughter was just another of the million reasons why I loved that man so much.

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A/N: And there it is. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed writing this story. This has been so far, my favorite Edward and Bella to write and I'm so sad to see them go. I'll admit that I almost cried when I knew that it was ending. You guys have been great and I'm so thankful for all of the reviews and love that you give me!

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Epilogue Songs:

It Won't Be Like This For Long — Darius Rucker

The Cure – Lady Gaga


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